2009 better be kind to me.

Ho, ho, ho!

How's everyone been? Man, I'm still so stuffed from stuffing my face from the last five days, I feel like a bloated octopus with my tentacles wrapped around a big pipe.

Hmm...

Anyways, Christmas was good. Took my little cousins out and it must be said that seeing them with their big smiles made the absatively horrid traffic jams seem a breeze. ('cept for one stretch where we got stuck for about 10 minutes, moving centimetre by centimetre very painfully slow, and with the sun blazing it sort of baked my legs.) Since my own childhood wasn't exactly the rosiest, this is the best I can do to make up time for all the non-happenings during those bleak years. And I now banish any notion that I was a heavy eater back when I was the village pudgy boy. My cousins ate more and faster than I ever did when I was their age. And they're like friggin' sticks! That talk back! Argh!

It must be said that the commercialisation of Christmas and other religious celebrations has become something so big that the other races have joined in the fun to cash in the bonanza. Heck, the other races are more excited than those who actually celebrate their respective celebration. Take my office for example: the Christians in my office were generally laidback leading up to Christmas, while most regarded Christmas as a welcome break from the exigencies of work. But my Big Boss, a staunch Buddhist, was the merriest of us all; he played Christmas carols, old Christmas ditties to even techno versions. I've never heard Little Drummer Boy with so much bass in my life.

In less than a month's time, the Chinese will celebrate their New Year. The cycle will repeat itself again. I'll take my family out again, get stuck in traffic jams and smile all the way. Because being with the family beats being in the office, tinkering away at systems and diagnostics and such.

The new year is fast approaching and as I leave 2008, I can't help but wonder, how the hell did I survive all the shit and nastiness of it all? But I'm also grateful that I managed to get through all the muck and grit, and in the end, emerged (rather scathed, I must say) with invaluable experience and wisdom.

Here's to a fruitful and less migraine-inducing 2009. Have a good week ahead!

This Chris, signing off.

PS: Happy New Year to all!

Dear Santa, I've been a good boy. So where's my new job?

Wazzzzzzzzzzzup, me peeps!

Oright, oright. I've just downed some pretty unsavoury tasting organic oats, all of which were done in the effort of being healthier, so pardon my rather uncharacteristic opening line.

Hate to say this, but time sure does fly,eh? Especially when the last 3 months or so have been the most interesting out of the entire year. Good and bad happened, along with the really bad so it's only natural that I look back at it all and think to myself, how the hell did I survive all that shit? Seriously, how did I end up writing this when not long ago I had murder bloody murder coursing through my veins?

I exaggerate, but you get my drift, yes? Work's been going down the crapper ever since people started becoming more and more greedy, selfish and downright lazy. And that's just the people I don't have any direct work with. They'll get what they deserve, that's for sure. Cupid's been shooting his arrows at everyone around me except, of course, me. The git. Life, in general, has been like the months when the stock market went cuckoo; lots of downs but there were a few bailouts in between. However, I'm hoping and having my fingers crossed long enough before osteoporosis sets in, that 2009 won't be as bleak like how the world's economy and wellbeing is when the new year arrives.

But let's get into something more salubrious, for instance, my 2008 resolution list!

1. To be a better person.
2. Enjoy life with family and friends.
3. Work hard and play harder.
4. Save the planet. One plastic bottle at a time.
5. See Dream Theater in concert.

Comments:

1. Still a work in progress.
2. Still a work in progress. Haha!
3. Still a work in progress. Hahaha!
4. Still a work in progress. Hahahaha!
5. Done! Saw one of my favourite bands live in concert on the 17th of January this year. It was one of the best days of my life, EVER.

In all seriousness, this year has been absolutely topsy turvy. If you've kept up with the recent posts, you'd know what I mean exactly. I can honestly say that I've grown up a lot this year. I'm still the bumbling buffoon but with one big difference:

I look cool. Oh, so damn cool. Tee hee!

Anyways, since 2009 isn't that too far off, (mmm, Christmas chicken, mmm...) I might as well come up with my resolution list. Here goes:

1. Get a better job.
2. Be a much better person.
3. See another band in concert. Preferably here. Singapore is expensive.
4. Go on holiday.
5. Get back to playing guitar.
6. Improving my (still rather rubbish) Chinese language skills.
7. Get a better job. Hmm, didn't I mention that already?

I guess that's about it. To everyone, regardless if you celebrate it or not, have a very blessed and Merry Christmas. Don't eat too much turkey, now.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: This is definitely not the last post of 2008, so be sure to check back next week for the last one!

Crisis? What cri$i$?

I love shopping.

But I also hate it, not shopping, per se, but the other people who are in the vicinity as I when I shop, 'cept for the cute girls at the lin...I mean, food courts. By the way, has anyone else noticed that our food courts are becoming more and more, um, shiny? The majority of the food still sucks, that's no different, but have you been into one lately? They're really sparkly!

It really amazes me that while governments are busy trying to bailout their respective catastrophes, the people, at least over here, are nonchalant about it. Practically oblivious to the fact that if their government doesn't react fast enough, they'll be the first to suffer its effects. And then they'll moan and groan, cursing at the government and the leaders, why? WHY MUST I SUFFER? Ooo, chocolate doughnut. Yum.

I reckon that most are dimwits. Wake up! Whatever that is being fed into your sorry excuse for a mind should always be taken a with a pinch of salt. (A small one, yeah.) Believe not everything you see on the idiot box...

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Christmas shopping still ongoing. Gonna get me a new pair of trousers! Tee hee!
PPS: BUSH, you da man for ducking the shoe attack!

I so want to go to Egypt.

I'm just so thrilled right now.

Yes, it's a moody Monday morning. The sky opened up in the wee hour that was 4 a.m. Sleep should be good. Then, the sound of an alarm could be heard. Lookie, it's 615 a.m. While most are still probably in their comfy beds, clutching their pink bolsters, I'm here in the office. The friggin' office. On a public holiday.

ARGH...!

Anyhow, I reckon I might as well do some "work" (hehehehe) and earn me some extra $. And since I have all the time in the world, I might as well do this rather interesting meme that has been bequeathed to me by Angie.

Pretending to do work, FTW!

___________________________________________________________

RULES:
Do the “Letter MEME”. Tag no less than 5 other people, and leave them a comment, informing them that they have been tagged. Then copy the “How-to” Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.

-> How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear ________(the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal):

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-

Basically just fill in the blanks on top based on the answers you are gonna choose below. ( I will put my result at the bottom of this entry =) )

1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scared
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - How awful I’ve felt
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B -
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here goes! (Yes, I'm a lazy basturd, I just copied and pasted everything from Angie, even the colours!)

Dear Lia, (the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal):

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but I dislike you I think I realized it first of May, in your closet and I saw you ignore my fart balloon. I’m sure you’re scared enough to understand that I did a sex-change (teh lolz!). I’m returning your Darth Vader poster to you, but I’ll keep your oil stocks as a memory. You should also know that I never will forget the apartment building.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,
Chris.

Nice! Of course, I wanted to put in the more "expressive" answers, but that would constitute cheating. So I played it true and I'm pleased with the results. Won't tag anyone in particular, just anyone who wants to have a good laugh doing this.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: And thanks to Angie once again for reminding me of this site, Setanta. Holy laughing daemons, this has been the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Really. It really has helped me in the last week, making me laugh as opposed to wanting to bash people with my office mug because, you know...

I'm fantastic. Ha!

Oops! I've changed my faith.

I have a love/hate relationship with anything that has the word Sale in it. Underwear sale is an exception. Anyway, today is the first day for the country's now annual Mega Sale.

Yes, my friends, I do shop. Heck, I enjoy it.

Granted, our Mega Sale doesn't hold a candle to Singapore's Super Duper Kiasu Sale but it's better than nothing. It has to be noted that there are more establishments offering some discount, even lesser known brands and such have jumped on the bandwagon. Which means plenty of hurt for the wallet if you do choose to spend, spend and spend.

I'm parsimonious so I'm not affected by the Mega Sale's nefarious rays of persuasion. He. He. (All right, maybe a lil.)

Happy Shopping, people!

Now, I do not believe for a minute (or a damn second) that a person's religious faith can be eroded, or worse, be altered completely when doing yoga. It is preposterous and it's an insult to those who practice it purely for its health benefits. What? Will this stance make me change my religion? Will yoga turn me into a homosexual? I don't think so. I can't even bear to look at myself if I was wearing pink leotards:

Or, maybe, the more zealous ones are afraid that their wives would end up like this:

Gosh, some people really need to wake up from their false sense of utopia.

I need more underwear. Thankfully, there's a Mega Sale going on!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: To those who lost their lives in Mumbai, India, may you Rest in Peace. May the bastards rot in Hell.

I hate people.

Now that I've got your attention, how's you been?

I don't really hate people, I just don't like many of them.

You know in every office there'll be at the very least one village idiot. The one person that can turn your nice day into a nightmare by just uttering a simple sentence.

I really hate it when I'm sitting like 10 metres away from you and you drop me an email, or worse still, you call me for something that I can do in a matter of seconds. If we're on friendly terms, it would be a non-issue. But since you've pissed me and my friends off with your primadonna-like behaviour you'll be treated with equal animosity. And since I've taken a dislike to you right from the very first time I shook your limp hand, I won't be bothered to entertain your request especially if you ask, nay, demand that it be solved ASAP. Who the hell are you? Again, I may come off as a clown at times, but where work is concerned, you can bet your sorry moustached face I take it seriously.

Phew.

Now that's out of my system, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish those who've left the company a bright and prosperous career ahead. You guys are definitely smarter than me.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Seriously, I kinda like Katy Perry.

November rains while December is storming...

I completely and utterly forgot what I really wanted to write about. I had two, maybe three topics I wanted to blab about but now I'm in the office, thinking of lunch.

It's only 0800. Man, I love military time.

November is fast becoming the month where everything goes by quicker because everyone wants December to come soon so that they can jet off to some remote island in the Caribbeans (I so want to wear a leaf skirt*) to soak their weary feet and sip mildly alcoholic drinks. Since I'm pretty much tight with the $, I'll have to settle with somewhere less distant. Either Thailand or Singapore would be very nice. But it's a bit late to book a room and such so I'll think I'll have to content myself with the next best thing: visiting my lovely and awesome grandma.

It's a lot cheaper, too. Ha!

This is Chris, signing off.

* - Hmm, maybe a leaf skirt isn't something I should be wearing.

PS: If they made a movie based solely on the penguins from the atrocity that is Madagascar, I'm so there at the theatre.

It's like trying to pee with your underwear on.

A young girl got up the bus all smiles on a rather moody Monday. She frantically dug her purse for RM1 and when she couldn't produce the money, smiled at the bus driver and the rest of the passengers sheepishly, embarrassed.

Are you, like, bloody dim or something?

I mean, c'mon, you know you're going to board a bus. You know you have to pay for the ride. You know you have to be prepared for such incident because, frankly, you don't just get on the friggin' bus, hoping you'll find RM1 in your damn purse or wherever you put your money in.

Anyway, I'm still lethargic from all the happenings lately; the house is still behind with the contractor being rather slow. Work is stagnant, as usual, but I've two rather big cases to handle, so those are going to keep me occupied until at least the end of this week. After that? Who knows, I might be sent for training.

Yeah, right!!!

Have a productive week ahead.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Losing is one thing, but to lose to a team you absolutely abhor with all your might? Man, it sucks tremendously.

I can't believe it's not December yet.

What an exhausting month October was. Been up and down, down and up. Much like the global economic crisis that happened, minus the bailout.

Oh, I also experienced my first knock to the head. Fell in the good ole bathroom and landed on my left side. For a split second, I thought I was going to blackout. Instead, I got up, laughed and cursed my wretched luck.

Did you know that if you can hear sounds louder at the back of your ear it means that you've a punctured ear-drum? I didn't know that, too, until I visited the doctor. Man, that scared me a lil.

Here's to a cheery and productive November. One thing's for sure, it's going to be a killer on the wallet. Hint: I'm going to be having nice lunches with me friends and I also need new gym clothes (actually, I don't but I feel like buying new ones). And, no, I ain't buying any pink gym shorts!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I so hate our Malaysian escalators. It's so slow I reckon my facial hair gets thicker. Yarp.

It's like jogging with clown pants.

Is it just me or has the world become boring?

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Man, I'm so bored.

Flickr Me

This is the Flickr Meme that I stole from id. Thank you!

• Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
• Using only the first page, pick an image.
• Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into FD’s Mosaic Maker.

The Questions of Light

1. What is your first name?
Chris. I think that’s quite the obvious since this blog is called Chris’s Abnormally Normal Critiques.

2. What is your favourite food?
My mom’s cooking followed closely by a nice big, juicy burger.

3. What high school did you go to?
A crap one. Seriously.

4. What is your favourite colour?
Believe it or not, it’s actually dark blue that’s almost black. On second thought, nah, it's black! But for clothes, it’s either black or dark red.

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

It’s actually a salacious triumvirate of Aya Ueto, Song Hye Kyo and Jessica Gomes. But since I’m a one-woman man and I'm really into this chick, Jessica Gomes, I'm going with her as my current number celebrity crush.

6. Favourite drink?
Rooiboos tea with a bit of honey. Divine, I tells you.

7. Dream vacation?
At this point in time, any Scandinavian country would be fabulous. To a lesser extent, probably some South-East Asian country besides Singapore and Thailand. But honestly, any place where I get to relax would be just dandy.

8. Favourite dessert?
Strawberry pie topped with a lil green tea ice-cream. It's good!

9. What do you want to be you grow up?
Filthy rich.

10. What do you love most in life?
The fact that I can actually get along with humans and still resent them is truly remarkable. Don’t you agree?

11. One word to describe you.
Unusual.

12. Favourite flower?
Urm. A dead one? Just kidding. I wouldn’t say no to a black rose.

The Questions of Darkness


1. What has been your least-favourite nickname?
Fatty. I’ve been “blessed” with a multitude of nicknames but that takes the cake. Literally. On a happier note, those who called me that in school/college are now fatties themselves! Haha!

2. What is your most hated food?
I don’t really have a most hated food, per se, just food I’d rather not eat. For example: offal.

3. What was your worst subject in high school or college?
The one I majored in: Mechanical Drawing. I failed it brilliantly.

4. What colour looks most dreadful on you?
Bright green. Or more commonly known as "that’s gonna bust your eyeballs" green.

5. Which celebrity do you never want to hear about again?
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, or whichever socialite girl that decides to destroy her life with the public as her audience.

6. What drink gives you the worst hangover?
Most alcohol but the one that gets me all the time would be rice wine. Holy shit, that's some intense stuff.

7. Worst vacation spot?
It wasn’t a vacation, per se, but rather, a school excursion gone bad at the beach. How bad, you may ask? Well, the kitchen and the toilet at the place we were at wasn't that far apart. They were beside each other. And I forgot to bring my towel. Yay!

8. What is your “I’m having a crappy day” stress snack?
Come to think of it, none. But somehow milk would be an ideal choice.

9. What was your worst job?
Too many and too painful to recall. Oh. Well. Might as well just suck it up and reveal to the world: Salesperson.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Cowardice. It’s something I’m guilty of possessing, too This also nicely segues into the next question:

11. One word to describe your most annoying trait.
Silly. Refer to 10. Thank you.

12. What is the first name of the person you like the least?
Nil. I like everyone. Yeah, right! There’re just too many people I dislike!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Wow, I survived two weeks without football. Amazing!

A storm is brewing and it ain't tea-flavoured.

Okay...that didn't really make much sense but it does sound kind of catchy. Right?

Here's a quick recap of what transpired last week:

• Saw a teenager getting beaten up. I saw the whole thing. The more I wanted to look away, the more I looked. It was surreal. You know that getting a kick in the head would hurt, yeah? Try getting your head kicked at least five times.
• House is under renovation so I've no door to my room which makes it hard to put on trousers when you have, like, four construction workers going back and forth fixing things.
  

I think I'm on the verge of a burnout. A mental one. I can feel that my brain is not there. Y'know what I mean? I tend to ruminate things too often and too deeply nowadays. And I get into a weird reverie where my mind wanders wantonly. I even harbour deep resentment over things I won't divulge here. I find this rather unnerving because I know this isn't good for the soul in the long run.

It's high time I go on a vacation. Any one care to join me?

I promise I won't be crazy. Much.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I hate it when my tummy feels bloated. Blurgh...

Thankfully, I'm not worth $700billion

Wow.

Another week has come and gone so fast, it felt like a personal typhoon blew my mind and left debris of unknown origin on my conscious to clean up. With a tiny spoon.

Just only last Monday, I thought to myself, "I'm gonna kill myself by the end of the week."

I nearly did.

I've just realised that I haven't taken a holiday in nearly a year. The whole week that I was ill last month does not count, by the way. That was suffering. Anyhow, yeah, no holiday whatsoever in the last 10 months or so. I would love to go somewhere, anywhere, even if it were just for a week. I need to clear my mind, not think of the life I lead back home and just live. Get what I mean? I just want to be me.

Chris.

I feel as though I'm going to wind up some lowly-paid, under appreciated, miserable person who goes to work wishing for the time to pass by quick so that he can catch the Sports news on the telly. That would be just too depressing and not to mention a killer on the love-life.

Oh, oh! The first of October marked the anniversary of my one-year of my current employment. Yes, I have not left the company. Yet. So, yays for me!

Have a productive week ahead, y'all. I hope mine will be as well.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Holy smokes! Song Hye Kyo is absolutely beautiful and she was great in My Girl and I. Yes, I actually watched a lovey-dovey out of my own volition.

Bleeding me. And, no, it’s not the Leona Lewis song*.

Oright, my last post was written with a mind that was completely in rage and in a state of utter (I have to say that some were self-inflicted) misery. In other words, I wrote the last post with an unprecedented emo psyche. Thankfully, my mom doesn’t use any black eyeliner, or any eyeliner colour for that matter, so I didn’t look like one of them emo idiots.

The truth was stretched albeit lightly. I apologise.

I’m the kind of person that would rather crack a joke or do silly things just to liven things up. I’d rather see smiles than long faces. In short, I want people to have a good time. (I think sound like a geriatric theme park attendant trying to promote the world’s most boring ride.)

I’ve always known I had a real live one—I’m talking my temper—and as such, I’ve always tried to keep it under wraps, occasionally letting it loose when I’ve either been pushed too far or when I’m in an irritable mood.

There was this incident where my intention was just to get my meal during lunch. That’s all. But I must’ve come across as this rude and practically brutish bastard, as the person who took my order kept giving me, as we say here in Malaysia, the “one-kind” or in plain speak: ‘you pretentious bastard, I’ll give you less noodles’ look—true enough, my noodles were little.

By Friday, I was so numb from all the shit I went through, so much so that I just laughed off some things that otherwise would’ve sent me into a fury. It was either that or be a cranky S.O.B.

So I will leave you beautiful people with this excerpt from the excellent Metallica song, Bleeding Me:

I'm digging my way
I'm digging my way to something
I'm digging my way to something better
I'm pushing to stay
I'm pushing to stay with something
I'm pushing to stay with something better
...with something better...

Once again, I wish you all a very, very awesome weekend. Be happy, always.

* = By golly, she’s molten lava hot.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: To all my Muslim friends, Selamat Hari Raya. May you have a great one.

Everybody Hates Chris. I'm being overly dramatic, by the way...

What an absolutely horrible week it has been. Let me correct that:

It’s been an absolutely fucked up week.

Both my personal and work life was in turmoil. Even my country, the US of A and the world were experiencing a bad week. Heck, even my tummy joined in the action! Urm…

When I crack jokes, or when I’m basically acting myself, people tend to forget that I actually have a serious side. They assume that I’m this jolly, happy-go-fucking-lucky guy and that I would kowtow to their whims when they find it appropriate to their needs. Well, boo-fuck-de-doo, I can be an outright bastard when pushed too far. They take it for granted that I’m a fairly nice guy and I’ll hold the door for you, but if you treat me like dirt, then that door would probably come slamming onto your face. Oops, I didn’t know you were behind me.

It’s as though all the females that I know have experienced some sort of dilemma/crisis this week. My big sis has been clocking 16-hour workdays and it’s about to take its toll on her. I know my colleagues have been swamped with work (Hello! What la your boss…tsk, tsk) of which it’s about to get worse because of the impending holidays. My ex, a wonderful girl whom I still keep in contact with—contrary to what many thought wasn’t possible—has some issues of her own*. I was also not spared from online unpleasantness, as I was on the receiving end of a highly unfortunate conversation that took place with a dear friend**.

But to sum up my week: it’s like thinking that you have a shot with the girl of your dreams. You think, if we get together, we’ll make a great couple. So you formulate your next move, the move that will change your life and hers. Your heart skips two beats whenever you think about her. It’s that beautiful face and that beautiful soul of hers that makes you think it’s all worth while. Guess I’ll make my move, but…then, you see her walking towards you. With her boyfriend. It’s like having a sword cut right through your heart, but you don’t die.

You just end up suffering.

This week, I’ve been angry, disappointed, and happy; all at the same time, for five days straight. I so can’t wait for next week and see what “joy” it’ll bring.

Till then, have a great weekend, people. You deserve it.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Thank you, J, for being the sponge of my idiotic emoness. Thanks for replying all my silly messages on MSN. I greatly appreciate your views. Fill—thanks, man, for listening to me. I guess we’re even now. :)

* = (Hey there, gorgeous, I’m always ready to listen ;-))
** = I know how you feel. I really, really do.

If you’re gonna strut, ya might as well strut with panache – PART TROIS!

Just when you thought I would shut up about stories about the damn gym, here comes part 3 of my now never-ending tales from the gym. Told ya so that I had something up this week. Tee hee!

Onwards, to the gym!

Of chicken meat and chicken legs. The ones I don’t eat.

Some guys have built tops with some impressive and sculpted, urm, tops. But then, when you look down, you’ll see some of the skinniest legs only ugly models would have if they were anorexic. I kid you not! There’s this particular shorty, let’s call him Mr. Horrendous, who has arms bigger than my thighs. And I’m a big guy while he’s about the height of Miley Cyrus. He loves wearing sleeveless tees to expose his overly developed torso. Then when you get to the lower part of the body, you might burst out laughing right away at the sorry state of his chopsticks for legs. To me, if you’re going to workout only the top portion of your body, then you might as well chop off your legs and give them amputees. Honestly, seeing a guy lift a 30kg dumbbell above his head is impressive but he’s absolutely puny when it comes to leg presses of about 60kgs. (My leg presses are now done using 120kg weights. I do them 8-12 times.)

Actually, I hate you more.

As most of you know (actually it should be should know) is that I generally dislike people. The ones that I like are either related to me (even then, I may hate you, just not that much) or have unwittingly allowed their soon to be sorry selves to call me a friend. But I reserve special spite for the Middle-Easterners. Yes, I know this may stir up some controversy. Heck, I might even get thrown into some jail without any sunlight for the next 60 days. Yes, I know that not all Middle-Easterners are greedy, rude, ignoramuses. But what the heck, I hate them! The ones that go to my gym think themselves as gods, or worse, the second coming of Governator Arnold.

We’re all vain. Serious!

What do people who go to the gym have in common besides smelling like horses after working out for 5 minutes? We’re all vain buggers. Yes, you heard me right, please don’t throw that dumbbell. Hear me out first, will you? All right. Why would anyone want to spend their time in a gym, sweat with a hundred other people and then exposing your bum in the locker room? Why would you want to potentially cause great embarrassment to yourself by picking up weights and then dropping them on your toes? Why do people get on the treadmill with their arms flailing all over the place? I’ll tell you why:

We’re narcissistic, vainglorious and we’d like to wear that nice shirt to the wedding of our best mate who’s gone to seed. Actually, we’re shy people with low self-esteem so we’re compensating. Ha, take that Mr. Horrendous!

I think I better stop lest I get a show cause letter, or worse, my blog gets banned for causing inflammatory remarks. After all, no one likes to be called Horrendous, right?

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Kudos to Liverpool for finally beating Manchester United, though, I must say that Man United actually helped your cause, so…..PFFFFFFFFT! Ryan Giggs, you make me sad. And so do you, the current power mongers of my country.

I'm Framing Armageddon

Actually, I'm not.

It's the title of a song I'm currently playing every chance I get. It just screams metal.

Work is boring; same ole, same ole. I go in, clock in my times and I'm outta there. It's wonderful. Really.

I shall leave you now, but I'll be back next week with something.

I hope.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Google's Chrome is badass!

Actually, I'm sexier. No joke!

Firstly:

• Water polo is a sport for people who couldn't hack it for the swimming team. And the actual polo team.
• Handball is a game for people who couldn't hack it for the football team, the basketball team and even the knitting team didn't want them because they kept throwing the needles at peoples' faces.

All right, we now come to a few things that I find to be pretty entertaining, to say the least.

Avril Lavigne had a concert here in Punksia Malaysia. Yes, that skater-punk-wannabe midget and her fellow punkmates will unleash their brand of sleep therapy noise on the masses. First thoughts that come to mind are:

• Rubbish music. (Okay, okay! I admit, I did kind of dug her earlier stuff...eeks!)
• Abuses the eyeliner and black paint. Give her tarmac juice and she'll probably use it.
• Is about as punk as The Jonas Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants Brothers.
• Has a sweet smile courtesy of lockjaw.

What did you say Mr. Close-Minded yob? You would add Sexy to the list? That's it, put down the crack pipe, NOW! Never, ever, has the word Sexy been used so wantonly and so wrongly. To call her Sexy would be a travesty to the likes of Monica Bellucci, Rachel Weisz, Angelina Jolie and other gorgeous--more deserving--women out there.

You want sexy? How's about I shows you me legs? It's got nice hairs on it, too. Not too sure about the smell, though.

Recently, a northern state of Malaysia, declared that rock, reggae, pop and dangdut (Malay version of folk music without banjos but equally detestable) music concerts to be banned because they promote the Devil and his hellish brand of tunes. We all know what this means: the aforementioned genres would lead to killings of innocent cows. And a few chickens. I guess they should ban cigarettes, oh, wait a minute! I forget, their leaders smoke, too! I guess smoking doesn't encourage the people to rock out to some good ole reggae, aye? Nevermind the bad breath and bad teeth, we'll just ban pop and the dangdut because they're bad. Cancer? Bah, cancer's for old and ugly people! Long live pipe music!

As with the rest of the world, Malaysia is also down in the dumps from multiple crises. Politically, it's about as clean as my nose. When it's all runny and gooey. Then there's the economy which is not doing too good either. People have been forced to cut down on a lot of things and luxuries. An old man wishes that the price of rice be lowered. It's quite saddening, really. (Takes another bite off a fondant). Hmm? What's that? You've got 12 children and you earn RM400 per month??? You stupid, horny mafaka. How do you expect me and other like-minded assholes to pity you when you have 13 bloodsuckers (the wife included) to feed? You brought this onto sorry yourself. You're better off buying condoms.

Now for some international flava: I found this to be rather holy funny as it involves some gambler Good Christian from New York. (I punned wholly as holy, get it? he he.) Anyway, this guy bought a lottery ticket (read: gambling is bad for your soul!) and won $3 million bucks. The thing that made me burst out laughing is this quote from the pastor:

"This was why God put the ticket in his hands."

Would you like a slice of ham with that $3 million bucks you're most likely to use it to cover up yet another damn scandal? God bless them all. Really.

Phew, I think that's enough venom for one post. Time for some rock and rice!

Happy 51st Birthday, Malaysia.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: If wanted to watch volleyball, I wouldn't have watched you. Shame on you, Scholes!

Burnouts shouldn’t feel this good. Screw that, it friggin' sucks!

I tried to write something profound but my back’s hurting and I’m hungry. So here’s my week in point form:

1. Been feeling awfully tired and sore lately. So much so I’ve been napping every time I get back home (thank goodness for the early shift). Not good, considering I’m supposed to be this strong and fit dude. Damn.
2. Ah, work…what more can I say? I’ve pretty much settled into a routine that is starting to drain me, mentally most especially. It’s time to reassess the situation.
3. I think may have pulled a muscle in my lower back: squatting or bending down to be a rather painful task. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt pain in my lower back and I really don’t want a repeat performance. It ain’t nice at all to be on the bed whilst being in a lot pain. Ugh.
4. Laptop’s now pretty much screwed up. There’s a virus that is blocking all the more important works i.e. software updates, websites not loading properly, it’s slows down considerably if I run too many applications. Damnit! Thank goodness I’m planning to get a new desktop next year otherwise I’d be totally pissed.
5. The Olympics have been a fairly sedated affair, to be perfectly frank. Aside from athletics and the absolutely thunderous Usain Bolt (pun so intended), there wasn’t anything else that caught my attention (except for sports where women were involved *winky* *wink*). “What? You’re not impressed with Michael Phelp’s achievement?” Actually, I’m not at all. It’s just swimming after all. You don’t see badminton players winning the gold medal for the fastest smash, right? I’m more impressed with his diet, though. Chocolate chip pancakes, anyone?
6. Football is back but I’m not excited. At all. Manchester United fans will know what I’m talking about.

That’s that, I guess. My blog has now morphed one of those What I Did Today kind of blogs. I hate that. I miss taking a topic and giving it my personal spin. But with so many things going in my life, it’s been difficult trying to come up with the appropriate words for my increasingly eccentric thoughts.

I wish you all a very good week ahead. I hope mine will.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I so need a holiday.

I'm the human version of Wall-E. Really!

I absolutely adore this cartoon/animation/animated feature/movie.

It has been a long, long time since I came out from the theater feeling utterly impressed with a movie. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a lil. The Dark Knight left me feeling wholly satisfied but not in that feel-good way that Wall-E brought to me. Heath Ledger, you were absolutely amazing and may you Rest In Peace.

The things the little blighther did for EVE (his love interest) reminded me of me when I've fallen head over heels over someone. The sheer determination to win her heart, or in this case, her CPU (WTF?), actually made me chuckle and laugh out loud. And as many of you know, I take my movie-watching very seriously of almost to the point of not expressing anything either than total concentration and maybe a slight smile.

The people behind the movie deserve a big round of applause because they made a robot feel like one of us. In some ways, it took a robot to make realise that you only live life once. I won't go into detail as I want you to watch this because it thoroughly deserves the praise.

As for me, I'm going to make my mind up. Wish me luck, people!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: It was great watching with you lovely people! You know who you are. ;-)

Why do the nerds get all the chicks?

Just the other day (yesterday), I saw this really, really hot chick. She was tall, had an excellent body and had the most gorgeous hair. In essence, she is every hot-blooded male's dream on two legs. (I wonder what are hot-blooded male's dream on four legs?) She smelled of roses.

Actually, she didn't. I think she smelled of nutmeg or vanilla. (I was in Starbucks).

Then I saw him. The scrawny stick thin fool nerd that gets to call her his girlfriend.

"Damn, I wanna pound that silly ass that's once lucky dude," I said to myself. Then, as he was bringing her a tall glass of whatever, I said to myself, "What the hell am I thinking? That nerd's a goddamn slave to the witch!" She had a very expensive bag from a hard-to-pronounce brand. Her clothes must've cost a bomb, because the kid that was with her, looked like he was bombed. (My analogies are pretty screwed up so please bear with me.)

I took a sip of my drink and continued dreaming of nice things. Some people have all the luck. Others are just man-slaves to the hungry wolves. Damn, that's dark! And cryptic!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if some guys get the girl, they get girl. Kudos to them. As for me, I'm just glad to be living the life I'm in right now. I wouldn't change a single damn thing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to nerdify myself. Tata!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Football season is almost back!!!

I want to be SMARTAAAAA!

Writer's block I is having.

I'm hungry.

Work is getting to me.

Love life is non-existent but it's all right. It's the cheapness of it that makes it tolerable.

I can't wait for the weekend.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: The Dark Knight is the best movie of the year.

Nothing much to say except HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

No witty comments or stories to share from me this week. Work's been getting more interesting which in turn makes life in general more interesting. Interesting, yes?

Have a great week ahead, people. I may even post something, if something is worth posting, that is.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ID! NOW YOU'RE ONE OF US 24s!

I’d rather be called a human. That’ll save a lot of time.

Back in the day when you saw someone with fair, slightly pasty skin, sloe-eyed and are more often than not wearing a pair of spectacles the size of small windshields, then you can safely bet that that this person is a Chinese.

Not anymore.

Of course, a fair, slightly pasty skinned, sloe-eyed, glasses-wearing person is normally associated with a Chinese here in Malaysia, now there are varieties within the Chinese people:

Whiter Chinese, Normal Chinese and Oh My’s.

Whiter Chinese are those brought up in a predominant English environment. The Whiter Chinese are the minority by virtue of them being, well, minor. They are characterised by:

• English is their main medium of communication and swearing. Case in point: the person writing this.
• Are slightly hoity, but it’s not really their fault. They just speak better English, that’s all. With strange inflictions to boot.
• (Ab)Uses the Internet with the females being habitual (ab)users of LOL and xoxo.
• Eschews ersatz: Only iPods, IKEA, J.Co Donuts and Nautica for them.
• TV shows watched are normally the hits @ smarter than your average Chinese drama: CSI, House, Heroes, Gossip Girl, etc. Asian productions that are normally watched are that of the Jackie Chan or Jet Li variety. Basically if it has flying lovers and stunning cinematography, they’ll probably watch it.
• Choice of music generally falls into three categories:

1. Hip-hop or rap such as Rihanna, Chris Brown, Fergie, Nelly et al. If it has singing in the first minute, a little rap interlude in the middle and then singing again, chances are they’ll dig it.
2. Contemporary pop in the form of Girls Playing Instruments (GiPi), i.e. Marie Digby and some other unpronounceable chick who keeps telling journalists that they’re just normal girls but with dorkier foibles.
3. College rock like One Republic, Coldplay, etc or bands with little talent either than making girls swoon because their lyrics are indecipherable because they wrote it during a time of utter lugubriousness.

• Inclination to make fun of the other two groups, especially when a chance encounter occurs, like, for instance, when ordering chicken rice.

The second group, Normal Chinese, make up more than half of the overall Chinese community. This group considers themselves as “mainstream” and “current”. They may think that wearing sweaters is cool in our Hot as Hell™ climate but they more than make up for their hideous stylings by being cutthroat in business and sales which ultimately results in the country’s development. You have an herbal drink that may reverse the effects of orange peel in old women? This group would marry you.

The Normal Chinese are as follows:

• Are able to converse in Cantonese or Mandarin but aren’t able to read Chinese characters except for Expensive, Cheap, and Police. Their English is all right but are troubled by plurals. For example: I don’t wants garlics or onion in my fried rices. No’s the prawns alsos.
• By and large are quiet (when it comes work, either than that, are actually pretty boisterous buggers), modest (yeah, right!), and eager (much like a hunter looking for an easy kill) but are actually Machiavellian, vindictive and conniving. And that’s just the children.
• Worships Asian artistes that blend Eastern and Western sounds. Which sounds like shit. As long as there is a piano interlude, a few orchestral bits here and there and a soppy (often tuneless) vocal, it’ll be a hit with the girls. Music video or MTV (more info below) must be shot in the rain and feature tragic facial expressions.
• Drives a Japanese car because they think it gives them more élan. Their great-grandparents would be proud.
  
• Patrons food establishments with the word ‘café’ in it that is endorsed by a complete unknown but is oddly edified by a small group of Chinese girls.
• Has Astro (the local cable TV provider) hardwired to the 8888 (lucky number, mah) Chinese channels.
• Calls a music video an MTV. (Ed: I have no friggin' idea why.)
• The females would have a food blog that has them eating at more places I never knew existed.
• Probably has a dog the size of a cat for a pet.

Oh My’s or Cina (the word is derived from the Malay word Cina which means Chinese and is pronounced “chee-na”. It’s best pronounced if you have a friend from the first group) make up the last bunch. They usually come from the other states of Malaysia where access to fake fakes is rampant. Burberry? Look again, it’s Burpbelly.

One can spot an Oh My easily with these eccentricities:

• Speaks most of the Chinese dialects, has trouble pronouncing most English words (har har, I’m one to talk since I'm completely rubbish at any dialect) and are absolutely abysmal when conversing in Malay. They are surprisingly more proficient in Tamil.
• Will adopt an English or Christian name (WTF?) but is unable to pronounce it correctly. They’ll even bastardise the spelling to make it more sensational but it ends up sounding like a disease.
• Their voice has the same decibels of a small lorry going fast. And that’s just the old women. With no teeth.
• Is inclined to listen to fast and migraine-inducing dance music. Imagine techno, only 8888 times faster. Are also big fans of soppy, tragic ballads.
• Has the propensity to dress like their idols and have their hair coloured in every shade of the rainbow except the original.
• Drives a car that can fit their entire clan plus two maids or a heavily modified national car with an exhaust pipe the size of a storm drain.
• Knows all the names of the pig parts just by smelling it.
• Goes to school or work with a bottle of water. A bottle of water the size of a small water tank!
• Probably has a dog the size of a bear for a pet. And that’s just the puppies.

This isn’t a diatribe nor is it a personal attack on the Chinese. In fact, it’s merely a cheeky look into a people long thought of as just computer nerds, kung fu exponents, noodle-loving, accountants. The Chinese folk shouldn't be worried with what I've said since most of it is the truth, albeit in a completely exaggerated prose. It is not my intention to step on toes or make people want to call their local gangsters to come after me with sticks and sharp knives. To those who feel offended, don’t be.

I’m not. Tee hee!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Alas, I wish that I can claim full rights to this article, but the truth is that this is a reinterpretation of another’s work. I’ve paraphrased many of the words, naturally, in order to avoid accusation of plagiarism but the source is greatly acknowledged. To the author, I had a blast reading yours and I also had a bigger blast coming up with my own version.

That didn’t sound right…

Nothing screams busy like being on Facebook

I have a love/hate (mostly love) relationship with Facebook. It’s the most time-wasting thing yet I can’t seem to stop myself from logging onto it. During weekdays especially, since work isn't as exciting as it used to be and pretending to do it isn't something I'd like to do on a regular basis.

It's a great place to keep in touch with your friends, family and foes. I know more about a certain colleague of mine by reading his Facebook profile than by actually having face-to-face conversations. Frankly, I'd rather have it that way since he's a rotten bastard. And a bloody unprofessional git.

Back in the day, I had Friendster, which was the rage in college and trying to figure out what the heck I'm going to do with my life. Me and my friends would "compete" with each other to see how many "friends" we could have. So that meant adding real friends, complete strangers, random girls with fake eyebrows, and other creatures with an account. I managed to accumulate a fair number of "friends," more than half of which I don't keep in touch with anymore but would like to.

As of now, my Facebook account only has people that I personally have either:

1. Been related to and still (unfortunately) are;
   
2. Met and have maintained a sort of 'Hey, don't I know you?' relationship;
   
3. Met in college;
4. Worked with;
5. Stalked.

I'm glad that I can say that I got into Facebook way before its Big Bang. At that time I only had one friend; the friend who invited me to join it. And she was my only friend. For a year. Now I have close to 115 people in my list. A good majority of them are people I still say Hi to at least 3 times a week (except on weekends).

If you'll excuse me, I have to pretend I'm busy.

Again.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Thank you, id, for introducing Facebook to me.

If you’re gonna strut, ya might as well strut with panache – REDUX!

With the non-success of the first in the series of Chris Goes to the Gym Makes a Fool of Himself Whilst on the Treadmill, here comes part deux with even more useless information you thought not possible for Asian eyes. Get ready to be mentally challenged by the literary workout that will leave you exasperated frightened to even step into a gym.

Horror stories from the locker room:

Regarding soft males in the gym

My Russian friend, who is about the height and build of a small giant (read: friggin’ tall!) has an uncanny and downright frightening ability to act like a guy acting like a girl. It is immensely hilarious and thoroughly disturbing because he is not the type that will burst into caricature or even put on a weird face, unlike yours truly. (Yours truly will now do impressions of Barney the Dinosaur if the commission is right and without any form of video recordings. I will sue!) His perfect imitation of soft males is something only the guys from Little Britain can do with more aplomb and it’s because they’re gay and he’s not. He is so not gay.

I hope.

Of grunts, stunts and ugly exercise trousers

I’m not one to knock on someone’s choice of attire but there comes a time when some choices should have been made by women and not men. Generalising is bad, I know, but the Middle Easterners are by far the worst once they step foot into the gym. I’ll be there, on a bench, trying to pump my two puny 30-pound dumbbells, and there they are moaning, groaning and exhaling louder than a killer whale breaching. Or farting underwater. Hmm. I kid you not. I know it’s good to practise mind over matter, but when the matter sounds like a bad porn movie involving actors the size of small elephant seals and are about half as attractive, I lose all sense of concentration completely and immediately. The biggest offender, Giant Grunter, has shoulders the width of a Humvee and wears the most comical exercise trousers I’ve ever seen. Would you like you it if I grunted into your face? I don’t think so, Mr. Funny Trousers. I’m not one to knock on someone’s choice of attire but there comes a time when some choices should be left to the women and not men. Tight pink tees don’t make you look cool; they make you look a sissy. Unless, of course, you wield a 50-pound dumbbell.

I’ve always maintained that people who go the gym are vain buggers, or at the very least, cognisant of their wellbeing. Why would someone want to jog on a treadmill for half an hour and not expect something in return, like, a nicer butt? Or why would someone want to lift heavy weights that will ultimately prove useless when it comes to intelligence quizzes?

I don’t know about you, but I like my cute butt the way it is. I wonder where I left my pink shorts…

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Don’t you just hate it when politicians bicker and make us the victims?

My soundtrack to Life will scare you, your mom and your grandma. All at the same time.

I’m bored and tomorrow’s another day at work. Whoopee.

Things I Would Like to Have Happened On the Friends Television Series:
I would like to see them all get blown to smithereens. Seriously, I am not a fan of this show at all. I’d rather watch The Cosby Show.

Men Who Look Dashing in Facial Hair:
Me. Seriously, facial hair makes me look rugged.

Women Who Look Dashing in Facial Hair.
Do you even want me to answer this?

Fictional Women Who Have Facial Hair:
Now why would I want to read a book with women who had/have facial hair?

What I Have Been Doing for the Last Seven Days:

• Contemplating Life. The usual shit.
• Contemplating work. Now, where am I going with this?
• Thinking of whether or not I should just give up and move on? Connected to life and the eternal conundrum of relationships.
• Working out (in vain) to get a six-pack. So far I’ve managed to procure six packs of noodles. Damn.
• Trying to catch up on my reading.
• Trying to catch up on work. Seriously, there’s a lot stuff going on and I’m starting to feel the pinch of it all.

Songs Given the Tentative “Go” Signal for Said Soundtrack:

• Def Leppard – Promises
• Dream Theater – The Glass Prison
• Fear Factory – Self Bias Resistor
• Fuel – Hemorrhage (In My Hands)
• Gamma Ray – Send Me a Sign
• Guns & Roses – Paradise City
• Metallica – Fight Fire With Fire
• Slayer – War Ensemble
• The Crown – Arise (Awesome, awesome Sepultura cover)
• Whitesnake – Sailing Ships (My most favourite rock ballad ever.)

What Has Helped Me Stay Awake for the Last Seven Days:

• Work. Thinking about it makes sleep faster for some inexplicable reason.
• I don’t really stay up but when I do, it’s mostly because of House. Hugh Laurie’s the man!

What I Will Have Eleven Days From Now:

• More work.
• Better stamina on the treadmill.
• A haircut, if I’m not too bogged down by work or thwarted by the rain gods.
• Hopefully catch a movie or two. I’m so lazy to queue up these days, though.
• A more or less emo state of affairs. I so hope not.

Thanks to you, id, for this wonderful meme.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Should I watch Get Smart even though I really don’t like Steve Carrell?

A good day gone bad ain’t fun at all.

Ever thought that, maybe, just maybe, today would be a good day? Nothing fancy, just plain ole good. But you know that’s not true…

Work seems to be going on fine with nary a complaint from an irate customer 8000km away. Your colleagues are relaxed and don’t seem to bother whether or not you’re on bloody Facebook, and in particular, checking out their friends’ friends. Heck, even the lady who serves you your food is actually smiling at you even though you told her last minute that you don’t want prawns with your noodles but would like a little bit more chicken.

Just when you thought nothing could go wrong, something happens. Something that makes you wish you had left earlier instead of hanging around in the office only to be swamped with last minute work and potentially a bad end to an otherwise great day.

That was my last Friday’s experience. Could it be that there was some cosmic conspiracy to make portents of Friday the 13^th truly come true? If so, I must’ve been included in the list of Let’s Punk this Mere Mortal. Firstly, I committed what is considered a cardinal sin in my chosen profession: I forgot to turn on the fridge. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

The fridge was already turned on when I got in. Hee!

So the real story goes like this: I came in the first shift, did my normal system checks and tried to run the daily reports. Couldn’t perform the latter due to a technical glitch which resulted in the network having limited connectivity. Still following? Cool. So I thought, “What a nice day! I’m gonna home and make love to my woman, or at least, make her a nice low-carb dinner.” (Neither scenario happened. I don’t cook.) I get an instant message from my UK boss, asking me to check on something I worked on earlier in the morning. It was the dastardly fridge’s temperature setting that I forgot to turn back on! It turns out that I forgot to do this one very important thing and without going into much detail, I got screwed. Royally.

And the next thing I know, BAM! I get a holler from the Helpdesk team notifying me of something I and my team should’ve been notified of first! But, no, we were literally the last to know because our counterpart from the land of dour tea and crumpets forgot to include us in the email list. Whoop de doo de friggin’ do. Because of the delay, there I was with my colleague, the two of us rushing to get the reports sent out by 12 p.m. UK time. It was already 10 a.m. So it was a mad dash to manually generate the reports (the automatic generation failed in the morning), check them for any issues and then send out our own reports. We managed to get it done, though, there were a couple of reports missing but we did what we had to do and did it in good time.

The dust has settled and I now have a little yellow Post-it note reminding me to always turn on the temperature setting of a fridge.

So much for Friday the 13^th being a good day, huh?

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I like treasure hunts. I just wish I was smarter in solving them, though!

235 hours 44 minutes 38 seconds. And my randomiser had to pick these songs? Sheesh.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

Syar the Lovely posted this not long ago and I immediately I was piqued. So I thought I’d give it a go and see where it’ll take me. I ended up cheating so much I thought I might as well just write out what the heck I’m feeling at the moment while listening to one of the 3000+ songs in my playlist. (All information herewith is correct at time of posting. Tomorrow will be a different story.)

How does the world see you? Testament – The Formation of Damnation

I absolutely love this song. It’s fast, brutal and it just screams metal. Song of 2008, no doubts at all. Anyway, I would like to think that the world sees me as this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

Will I have a happy life? Fear Factory – Self Bias Resistor

I’d love to have a very happy life but at the moment I’m taking everything with a pinch of salt. And lots of protein as well, you know, to build muscle and all. That didn’t make much sense, eh?

What do my friends really think of me? Metallica – Fight Fire With Fire

Can an apocalyptic song be used to gauge me as a friend? I hope not. Yet again I’m doing a bit of speculating, I’d like to think that my friends view me as this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

What do people secretly think of me? Morbid Angel – Summoning Redemption

This is the song to play if you’re going on a march. Yeah, a march with daemons! But seriously speaking, if people are secretly thinking that I’m a Roman God in human form, who am I to tell them otherwise? Right? Hmm? Shucks…Actually, maybe, just maybe, they secretly think that I’m this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

What should I do with my life? Dream Theater – The Glass Prison

Live it the way I see fit, make my family and friends happy and my enemies dear to my heart. On second thought, nah, my enemies can buzz off!

What is some good advice for me? Godsmack – Sick of Life

Okay. No, thanks. I’d rather be sick of wife. Get it? Huh? Shucks.

How will I be remembered? Slayer – War Ensemble

I’d like to be remembered as the nice, kin..wait a minute, didn’t I use that line, like, a bajillions times already? Time for a new one. Okay, here goes: I’d like to be remembered as the guy who brought lots of merriment but could be serious when serious matters needed it. But most of all, I’d like to be remembered as Chris, the rather nice, bumbling, nerdy guy.

What is my signature dancing song? Cryptopsy – Born Headless

Err…

What do I think my current theme song is? Rammstein – Mein Herz Brennt

Literally translated as, My Heart Burns, I play this song when I have the blues. You know, caused-by-female blues. Sigh.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Scissor Sisters – I Don’t Feel Like Dancing

I really like this song a lot and if I had some effeminate qualities this would be my favourite song of all-time.

What song will play at my funeral? Suffocation – Funeral Inception

Tee hee!

What type of men/women do you like? Bloodbath – Eaten

I think the song’s title says it all. LOL!

Have a great week ahead, people!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: The new Indiana Jones sucked tremendously.

I went into the jungle to find George...

Chilling Water Waterfall (It's the name, I promise), Kuala Kubu Baru, Selangor, Malaysia

..but I found Georgina instead.

Cryptic message? Nope, I actually went jungle trekking the other day and as such, I haven’t had a chance to sit down and blog a proper post. But then again, it’s been trying to come up with a new post every week without repeating myself. Ideas are drying up as we speak and frankly, I don’t like it at all.

There’s no rest for the wicked and I now I must get back to work. Hope everyone had a great weekend last week; I had a blast and now I don’t mind getting into a jungle and falling on my bum again. Well, I could do without the falling bit. And the pain bit, too.

Have a nice first week of June, everyone.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Prince Caspian was actually not bad.

Oh my Fishing Gawd, we're Champions!

To take the day off or not, that was the question I asked myself. Mind you, making such decisions requires planning. So I sent in my leave form and said to my boss, “Gimme the day off or I’ll tell the rest that you enjoy watching…the stock market when you’re actually supposed to be doing work! Muahaha!”

Actually, I didn’t, but you get the idea.

The match was at 2.30 (Holy cow!!!) a.m. therefore it was imperative that I meet my friend at the not-so-trendy area of Sri Hartamas much earlier to get ourselves seats and most importantly, a good parking spot because neither of us wanted to pay to park our cars when we could just park at the side of the road, free of charge but with a much higher chance of being robbed. Yes, we’re stingy buggers. The agreed place to meet was called Souled Out, a rather clever play on words if I may say so. The atmosphere was, to put it mildly, f-2-da-c-king choking. Cigarette smoke enveloped the entire top floor where I found my friend who had managed to secure a small but strategic spot. There were numerous times where I was actually gasping for fresh air, but because this was the match of the year, I was bolted to my chair—and every second thereafter was torturous. (See what men are willing to endure for their passion.) Heck, I reckon a few of my nose hairs are singed from trying to block out the despicable smoke from entering my already poor lungs. But it was well worth it; my favourite team won but not before the opposition and a certain Ronaldo gave me the frights (there was more than one fright!) of my life. Fortunately, my constitution was up to the mark otherwise I would’ve passed out like a little girl at a Miley Cyrus concert. (Damn, I really don’t like that girl.)

On my way back home, I reminisced about my time watching the match. It was absolute fun and to watch it with a fellow (he’s a bit a more hardcore than I am) supporter of the best football club on the planet, Manchester United, was even better. But I just couldn’t shake off the feeling of how people could do this late night sojourns, week after week. I’m a fairly fit guy, but I was knackered after eating my third slice of pizza.

It got me thinking, do these kids (and dire wannabes) know what they’re doing to their bodies, and ultimately, their future as old cretins? Smoking and drinking from start to finish without so much as a pause. They laughed, cheered and jeered with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. And that’s just for starters. I see them doing it with not a care for the world. It makes me sad that it’s these same people that will either suffer a disease or two or, heaven forbid, end up being healthier than I am. Which would suck tremendous amounts of orange juice. (I’m trying to cut down on my swearing, hence the euphemisms.)

I guess I’m too much of a prude when it comes to these things. My colleagues (not you!) find it very odd that I can sleep early, get up early and read a book. On a weekend. My friends know me too well to call me up for any sojourn that involves the words Clubbing and Alcohol. I will reiterate this again: I do not mind participating, provided it’s not every week and that there is a very valid reason as to why I have to fork out a lot of money where it could be put to better use. Like, for instance, buying rice.

Getting up at 1 a.m. to watch a football match takes a lot out of me. Literally. My wallet’s kind of thin now. I think I need sleep. Winnie the Pooh bolster, here I come!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: It’s almost June! Time flies fast when you’re underpaid, overworked, and generally bored with watching American Idol.