Friday, 29 January 2010

1 down, 11 more.

The end of this month is nigh and it sure as heck couldn't come any quicker. 2010 sure has been a lacklustre year thus far, aye? Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just you. Oh, well.

Quick recap this year: new job, new surroundings (well, I've been to the place many a time but never as an employed personnel), new faces and, of course, new expenses (!). So far, the new place has been pretty good; have learnt new things in my first 4 weeks than I did at the old place. Even made a booboo, too (try saying that fast, I dare you).

The office: it's so quiet here it's as though work makes everyone silent like a little lamb. People are generally friendly and will give you a small smile that says "yes, you're cute". Work-load is still hit-and-miss, sometimes busy, sometimes freer than a free bird. It'll take me six months or so to learn the ropes of this place fully but I hope to do it in less than time so that I can get promoted and then move on to another place, woohoo! All right, that last sentence is crazy talk but I'm sitting here in the office* wishing it was Christmas and naked Santarinas are bobbing up and down. It's also colourless; very drabby and grim hues surround me. In a nutshell, I've come here to work. Mingling is a way distant second.

The work place: not to be confused with my office place, the place where I work is terribly dull, yet another shopping centre catered to the masses. Whilst KLCC had some "soul", here in Gardens it's all plastic and sterile. But if there's one good thing is that it's a lot more convenient as I can get groceries and such at decent prices, which, as you all know gets a big smile from me.

The people: as I've said, they're friendly and generally will talk to you if you talk to them first. Team-mates are good and very helpful. But I reckon it is only for now because I'm still quite new to the environment. Also, I'm helping to mentor two new girls. They're fresh from the oven and have not worked before. Me, teacher? Why, yes!

Significant things that happened in January:
  • Learnt to drive at a much slower pace than I never imagined to save on petrol cost.
  • Watched a movie in a Gold class cinema. (Huhu, my wallet is thin now.)
  • I've become more organised and structured in my work. (I hope.)
  • I've become a mentor! (If you know me well, you would know that I am the king of analogies. I believe analogies make memorising things, especially dreary subjects, a lot easier. I just hope the two girls remember what I've said, though!)
  • I'm actually looking forward to working. GASP!
What February would bring:
  • More work.
  • More work
  • More work
  • Great time with the family during Chinese New Year
  • Valentine's Day special...GASP!!! More on this when it happens.
How has your January been? Good, I hope. As always, stay beautiful and see you next week!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I want a mace that can twirl twirl one!

* - Well, I started writing in the office.

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Legion, Haiti and Gold Class. What do they have in common?

The line was longer than a mile-long snake. As I looked at my watch to check the time, I knew that any longer a wait will make me miss any chance of getting a good seat (or any) so I made a decision.

Gold class it is.

To be honest, I had forgotten how much the price of a single ticket was. The girl at the counter reminded me and then some. After I had booked two tickets. Come show time, me and my girl went into the cinema which could hold less than 40 people and were instantly struck by the coldness. The seats were huge and had swallowed her whole. While the movie Legion was playing I could not help but wonder, how the hell did this happen? The cost could've fed me 2 weeks worth of lunches. And to think there are people willing to pay such prices every week! Crazy! Paying such lucrative prices had its advantages, though; less idiots, zero potential for seat shaking (if it ever happens I would've flipped because there was so much leg room!) and the aforementioned comfortable seats. She and I agreed that this will be a treat and that only the "good" movies shall be enjoyed in such manner. Fun as it may sound to you and me but here we are throwing silly money when there are parts of the world fighting to survive.

We all know what has happened to Haiti and its people. Probably because every Z-list American celebrity and non-stars are shoving pleas of please help Haiti when they themselves are still shopping at Coach and Armani looking at bags that could feed an entire village for some time. Hope for Haiti sounds like a noble institution, doesn't it? It's a sham and most of the celebrities who took part in it were looking to promote their wares. Why the fuck go about on the phone asking normal people who earn normal salaries to donate their normally-earned money when you the bloody celebrity who gets an obscene amount of cash to be in front of cameras can donate more? Why don't they just shut up and donate a significant amount each? Singing won't bring food or medical aid, no, actually going there to give them such items does. The power of music  is undeniable, I stand by that statement with arms wide open, but in this case it's just a way of getting attention so that people will buy the artist's next album. By the way, pledging and will are two very different things, corporations please take note.

Legion was interesting. Well, the interesting parts were interesting but overall it was a mess. Convoluted and not well-thought out, it falls flat in delivering its, I reckon so, message that we're all fucking up this world of ours. I won't get into much detail because I'm lazy and writing film reviews should be left to this man but I'll add my 2 cents: watch this movie if you want to have a nice time and you want to forget about work. If you're looking for good-versus-evil type of intellectualism please read Nietzsche or Calvin and Hobbes.

It's funny that the people of Haiti and so many like them are thanking God that they're alive when their lives have been destroyed and turned into despair. I wonder who their dead relatives are sending their thanks to?

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Old women with vampiric teeth crawling on the ceiling and spewing profanity after profanity is actually pretty darn freaky.

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Men are pussies.

Sweat trickled from my face and unto the floor, creating a small puddle. The smell in the gym was musty and faintly reeked of cabbage. I had set the weight on the floor, slowly catching my breath and psyching myself for the lift. As I was about to lift the two 50-pounder dumbbells, I heard a cry. Not a cry for help, no, but a cry that sounded like a mixture of pain and a dog whimpering. I looked up, trying to locate the human who emitted the cry. I could see a small group of men surrounding this middle-aged man. He was panting, grunting and telling his friends that he could not do another repetition. But his friends would have none of that and kept urging him "one more time, champ!" A snort was let loose, a small derisive chuckle, too. With all his might, the man tried one more time and out came the loudest cry of all. Everybody stopped dead in their tracks (interestingly enough, only 3 women fell off their treadmills) and stretched their necks to see what had happened. The old man laid on his back, face buried in his hands and pleading for no more.

A downright sissy, he was!

Truth be told, men are pussies. They swagger and they holler like they're some big time charlie but when told to lift a weight they'll drop on their knees, begging for the nightmare to stop when it hasn't even begun yet! I see this all the time in the gym, the posing and the look of utter arrogance and Nike gloves protecting their baby-smooth hands from the rigours of lifting 5-pounders. It's odd to note that these must weave a tale whenever they're amongst their mates. There's this one old man in the gym that is clearly an attention whore and yelps whenever he feels a yelp is necessary. Retard.

But this self-emasculating doesn't happen in the gym, it also happens everywhere. You see guys with upturn collars and sunglasses in shopping centres and you for sure that he's a douchebag (if you're one of them and you're reading this, you're a douchebag). Inferiority complex is alive and well, my friends, and it's in the form of clumsy attire and even clumsier behaviour. Having their egos bashed in is not something jerks want to happen but once in a while a good kicking to the groin (not literal!) would shake things up a little. Especially those who pontificate or are preachy bastards with charisma only like-minded snakes can only tolerate. 

Yet, the douchebags go up in life yet the honest joes get the short end of the proverbial stick. Life's fair? Pfft, not in this plane of existence. If the Big Guy above has plans for all honest people, I would love to know.

I guess there's an ultimate plan for all of us. But I'll be damned if I don't achieve what I want.

This is Chris, signing off. 

PS: Is it just me or has this year's January been a slow month?

Sunday, 10 January 2010

Life's a piece of cake. Unfortunately, this particular piece is durian-flavoured.

Hey guys and gals!

How are my favourite people doing? Good, I hope. While the country slowly descends into a pot of ignorant and degenerative species of special-minded stupidity, it is with unbridled enthusiasm of wanting to do good things this year is what is driving you and me to achieve greatness.

I have successfully Dr. Phil-ed myself.

What a week it has been. Let me tell you, if I thought I had it easy, I did. I so fucking did. It's like I jumped from one burning house to another one. But have I told you that this new burning house is about the size of Singapore? Yes, sirree, it is. But to call it a burning house would be demeaning to my employers. No, it's not a burning house, but I am certainly ablaze, around the toes, thankfully. I won't go into exact details, though, I will say this: when you've not been given a mouse due to nonavailability of stock on hand, you know you're in a no-nonsense office (hmm, actually, I have no clue what I've just said). This shows how people work, and work these people do. A lot. I've never been in an environment so dedicated in the pursuit of finishing a task. Sure, there's the occasional guffaw and a scream or two but it's nowhere was I had the last time.

I'm slowly liking it a lot.

Of course, it's far too early days to give you a definitive take on my new environs but I've good vibes. Here's to good things for you and me. If things look a little bleak, just look out the window. There might be rainbow smiling at you.

Or some crazy mafaker with a knife.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: What the hell happened to sanity and all things good on Friday? What a bunch of goddamn shits!

PPS: Here's my review of Avatar. Enjoy.

Friday, 1 January 2010

And in another 10 years I'll be 36. Whoopee!

Happy 2010!

Raise your hand if you thought the celebrations were a little on the quiet side. In fact, some of it was quite a drab. Funny isn't it? I would have thought that since this is a new decade people would go apeshit and usher it with much aplomb and plenty of excitement.

I didn't feel shit.

I guess people were a) too damn drunk from Christmas, b) saving up money for a new sofa set, c) not fucking bothered at all. I am in none of the above. I ushered in 2010 by helping to sell bowls of Nyonya Laksa (the picture will make you want a bowl right this instant, I guarantee it) and being with the family. It was great, mom was very happy and so was I. Next year, though, I'm thinking of something else...

So far, it's been a quiet start to the year. After all, my year will only start on the 4th of January, the day I begin my new route on my journey to become filthy rich. The days prior to it I will be helping out with the household chores and catching up on my reading.

Since you people are most interested in my resolutions, I won't make the wait any more painful that it is, so, take this!
  1. Make 2010 better than 2009.
  2. Save money so that I can have more vacations.
  3. Drive at 80-90 km/h as it'll save petrol == save money. So I can have more vacations.
  4. Go up in rank. Or, at the very least, get a pay raise (I prefer pay raise, though, because I want to have more vacations).
  5. Attend another concert, preferably here and not in Singapore.
  6. Be kinder to children. But if they insist on being asinine even when I've given them ample warning, I will throw them a beat down.
  7. Be kinder to old people. However, if they act like righteous SOBs then a can of whoop ass will and truly be unleashed upon their sorry arses. (Bill, you're one of them oldies but will I be kinder? Lets see how it goes...)
  8. Learn to do my workouts in 45-minutes bursts, with little to no rest in between sets so that I can be in and out of the gym in a jiffy.
  9. Spend less on unnecessary things i.e. junk food, fast food, etc. (Take that Akka, Bill and RM!)
  10. Get a smartphone so that I can do all that touchscreen thingamajig.
There you have it! It was only five resolutions at first but I'm being generous so I came up with another five. It's just finished raining and you know what this means: D

Damn nice to sleep now!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: There's an 11th resolution but it's dedicated to one special girl in my life. She knows what it is.