Saturday, 30 August 2008

Actually, I'm sexier. No joke!

  • Water polo is a sport for people who couldn't hack it for the swimming team. And the actual polo team.
  • Handball is a game for people who couldn't hack it for the football team, the basketball team and even the knitting team didn't want them because they kept throwing the needles at peoples' faces.
All right, we now come to a few things that I find to be pretty entertaining, to say the least.

Avril Lavigne had a concert here in Punksia Malaysia. Yes, that skater-punk-wannabe midget and her fellow punkmates will unleash their brand of sleep therapy noise on the masses. First thoughts that come to mind are:
  • Rubbish music. (Okay, okay! I admit, I did kind of dug her earlier stuff...eeks!)
  • Abuses the eyeliner and black paint. Give her tarmac juice and she'll probably use it.
  • Is about as punk as The Jonas Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants Brothers.
  • Has a sweet smile courtesy of lockjaw.
What did you say Mr. Close-Minded yob? You would add Sexy to the list? That's it, put down the crack pipe, NOW! Never, ever, has the word Sexy been used so wantonly and so wrongly. To call her Sexy would be a travesty to the likes of Monica Bellucci, Rachel Weisz, Angelina Jolie and other gorgeous--more deserving--women out there.

You want sexy? How's about I shows you me legs? It's got nice hairs on it, too. Not too sure about the smell, though.

Recently, a northern state of Malaysia, declared that rock, reggae, pop and dangdut (Malay version of folk music without banjos but equally detestable) music concerts to be banned because they promote the Devil and his hellish brand of tunes. We all know what this means: the aforementioned genres would lead to killings of innocent cows. And a few chickens. I guess they should ban cigarettes, oh, wait a minute! I forget, their leaders smoke, too! I guess smoking doesn't encourage the people to rock out to some good ole reggae, aye? Nevermind the bad breath and bad teeth, we'll just ban pop and the dangdut because they're bad. Cancer? Bah, cancer's for old and ugly people! Long live pipe music!

As with the rest of the world, Malaysia is also down in the dumps from multiple crises. Politically, it's about as clean as my nose. When it's all runny and gooey. Then there's the economy which is not doing too good either. People have been forced to cut down on a lot of things and luxuries. An old man wishes that the price of rice be lowered. It's quite saddening, really. (Takes another bite off a fondant). Hmm? What's that? You've got 12 children and you earn RM400 per month??? You stupid, horny mafaka. How do you expect me and other like-minded assholes to pity you when you have 13 bloodsuckers (the wife included) to feed? You brought this onto sorry yourself. You're better off buying condoms.

Now for some international flava: I found this to be rather holy funny as it involves some gambler Good Christian from New York. (I punned wholly as holy, get it? he he.) Anyway, this guy bought a lottery ticket (read: gambling is bad for your soul!) and won $3 million bucks. The thing that made me burst out laughing is this quote from the pastor:

"This was why God put the ticket in his hands."

Would you like a slice of ham with that $3 million bucks you're most likely to use it to cover up yet another damn scandal? God bless them all. Really.

Phew, I think that's enough venom for one post. Time for some rock and rice!

Happy 51st Birthday, Malaysia.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: If wanted to watch volleyball, I wouldn't have watched you. Shame on you, Scholes!

Sunday, 24 August 2008

Burnouts shouldn’t feel this good. Screw that, it friggin' sucks!

I tried to write something profound but my back’s hurting and I’m hungry. So here’s my week in point form:

  1. Been feeling awfully tired and sore lately. So much so I’ve been napping every time I get back home (thank goodness for the early shift). Not good, considering I’m supposed to be this strong and fit dude. Damn.
  2. Ah, work…what more can I say? I’ve pretty much settled into a routine that is starting to drain me, mentally most especially. It’s time to reassess the situation.
  3. I think may have pulled a muscle in my lower back: squatting or bending down to be a rather painful task. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt pain in my lower back and I really don’t want a repeat performance. It ain’t nice at all to be on the bed whilst being in a lot pain. Ugh.
  4. Laptop’s now pretty much screwed up. There’s a virus that is blocking all the more important works i.e. software updates, websites not loading properly, it’s slows down considerably if I run too many applications. Damnit! Thank goodness I’m planning to get a new desktop next year otherwise I’d be totally pissed.
  5. The Olympics have been a fairly sedated affair, to be perfectly frank. Aside from athletics and the absolutely thunderous Usain Bolt (pun so intended), there wasn’t anything else that caught my attention (except for sports where women were involved *winky* *wink*). “What? You’re not impressed with Michael Phelp’s achievement?” Actually, I’m not at all. It’s just swimming after all. You don’t see badminton players winning the gold medal for the fastest smash, right? I’m more impressed with his diet, though. Chocolate chip pancakes, anyone?
  6. Football is back but I’m not excited. At all. Manchester United fans will know what I’m talking about.

That’s that, I guess. My blog has now morphed one of those What I Did Today kind of blogs. I hate that. I miss taking a topic and giving it my personal spin. But with so many things going in my life, it’s been difficult trying to come up with the appropriate words for my increasingly eccentric thoughts.

I wish you all a very good week ahead. I hope mine will.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I so need a holiday.

Saturday, 16 August 2008

I'm the human version of Wall-E. Really!

I absolutely adore this cartoon/animation/animated feature/movie.

It has been a long, long time since I came out from the theater feeling utterly impressed with a movie. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a lil. The Dark Knight left me feeling wholly satisfied but not in that feel-good way that Wall-E brought to me. Heath Ledger, you were absolutely amazing and may you Rest In Peace.

The things the little blighther did for EVE (his love interest) reminded me of me when I've fallen head over heels over someone. The sheer determination to win her heart, or in this case, her CPU (WTF?), actually made me chuckle and laugh out loud. And as many of you know, I take my movie-watching very seriously of almost to the point of not expressing anything either than total concentration and maybe a slight smile.

The people behind the movie deserve a big round of applause because they made a robot feel like one of us. In some ways, it took a robot to make realise that you only live life once. I won't go into detail as I want you to watch this because it thoroughly deserves the praise.

As for me, I'm going to make my mind up. Wish me luck, people!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: It was great watching with you lovely people! You know who you are. ;-)

Sunday, 10 August 2008

Why do the nerds get all the chicks?

Just the other day (yesterday), I saw this really, really hot chick. She was tall, had an excellent body and had the most gorgeous hair. In essence, she is every hot-blooded male's dream on two legs. (I wonder what are hot-blooded male's dream on four legs?) She smelled of roses.

Actually, she didn't. I think she smelled of nutmeg or vanilla. (I was in Starbucks).

Then I saw him. The scrawny stick thin fool nerd that gets to call her his girlfriend.

"Damn, I wanna pound that silly ass that's once lucky dude," I said to myself. Then, as he was bringing her a tall glass of whatever, I said to myself, "What the hell am I thinking? That nerd's a goddamn slave to the witch!" She had a very expensive bag from a hard-to-pronounce brand. Her clothes must've cost a bomb, because the kid that was with her, looked like he was bombed. (My analogies are pretty screwed up so please bear with me.)

I took a sip of my drink and continued dreaming of nice things. Some people have all the luck. Others are just man-slaves to the hungry wolves. Damn, that's dark! And cryptic!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if some guys get the girl, they get girl. Kudos to them. As for me, I'm just glad to be living the life I'm in right now. I wouldn't change a single damn thing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to nerdify myself. Tata!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Football season is almost back!!!

Monday, 4 August 2008

I want to be SMARTAAAAA!

Writer's block I is having.

I'm hungry.

Work is getting to me.

Love life is non-existent but it's all right. It's the cheapness of it that makes it tolerable.

I can't wait for the weekend.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: The Dark Knight is the best movie of the year.