Actually, I'm sexier. No joke!

Firstly:

• Water polo is a sport for people who couldn't hack it for the swimming team. And the actual polo team.
• Handball is a game for people who couldn't hack it for the football team, the basketball team and even the knitting team didn't want them because they kept throwing the needles at peoples' faces.

All right, we now come to a few things that I find to be pretty entertaining, to say the least.

Avril Lavigne had a concert here in Punksia Malaysia. Yes, that skater-punk-wannabe midget and her fellow punkmates will unleash their brand of sleep therapy noise on the masses. First thoughts that come to mind are:

• Rubbish music. (Okay, okay! I admit, I did kind of dug her earlier stuff...eeks!)
• Abuses the eyeliner and black paint. Give her tarmac juice and she'll probably use it.
• Is about as punk as The Jonas Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants Brothers.
• Has a sweet smile courtesy of lockjaw.

What did you say Mr. Close-Minded yob? You would add Sexy to the list? That's it, put down the crack pipe, NOW! Never, ever, has the word Sexy been used so wantonly and so wrongly. To call her Sexy would be a travesty to the likes of Monica Bellucci, Rachel Weisz, Angelina Jolie and other gorgeous--more deserving--women out there.

You want sexy? How's about I shows you me legs? It's got nice hairs on it, too. Not too sure about the smell, though.

Recently, a northern state of Malaysia, declared that rock, reggae, pop and dangdut (Malay version of folk music without banjos but equally detestable) music concerts to be banned because they promote the Devil and his hellish brand of tunes. We all know what this means: the aforementioned genres would lead to killings of innocent cows. And a few chickens. I guess they should ban cigarettes, oh, wait a minute! I forget, their leaders smoke, too! I guess smoking doesn't encourage the people to rock out to some good ole reggae, aye? Nevermind the bad breath and bad teeth, we'll just ban pop and the dangdut because they're bad. Cancer? Bah, cancer's for old and ugly people! Long live pipe music!

As with the rest of the world, Malaysia is also down in the dumps from multiple crises. Politically, it's about as clean as my nose. When it's all runny and gooey. Then there's the economy which is not doing too good either. People have been forced to cut down on a lot of things and luxuries. An old man wishes that the price of rice be lowered. It's quite saddening, really. (Takes another bite off a fondant). Hmm? What's that? You've got 12 children and you earn RM400 per month??? You stupid, horny mafaka. How do you expect me and other like-minded assholes to pity you when you have 13 bloodsuckers (the wife included) to feed? You brought this onto sorry yourself. You're better off buying condoms.

Now for some international flava: I found this to be rather holy funny as it involves some gambler Good Christian from New York. (I punned wholly as holy, get it? he he.) Anyway, this guy bought a lottery ticket (read: gambling is bad for your soul!) and won $3 million bucks. The thing that made me burst out laughing is this quote from the pastor:

"This was why God put the ticket in his hands."

Would you like a slice of ham with that $3 million bucks you're most likely to use it to cover up yet another damn scandal? God bless them all. Really.

Phew, I think that's enough venom for one post. Time for some rock and rice!

Happy 51st Birthday, Malaysia.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: If wanted to watch volleyball, I wouldn't have watched you. Shame on you, Scholes!