5 (un)lucky people will know me much better...

This comes all the way from Nadia.

“The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1. What I create/pull out from my magic hat will be just for you.
2. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make! (In other words, just appreciate it!)
3. You will receive your item before the end of the year (or sooner). I will do my utmost best to achieve it.*
4. You will have no clue what the item/thing is going to be. It could be a knitted pair of socks, a heart-shaped hammer, even fried noodles in the mail (packed tightly, for sure). Keep in mind that it could mean anything that my sometimes demented mind chooses to bestow upon you.
5. I reserve the right to conjure up the most ludicrous of items. What's life without a little fun?

The catch? Ah, the catch is that you have to repost this meme and make and send out five surprises of your own.”

So, what are you waiting for?

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I think I only have, like, 3 readers who would actually comment here so I'll just make up plans as I see fit.

* = This meme actually scares me. I'm not sure if I'll able to keep to my word. In the event that I do not keep to my word, you may kick me in the derriere. Once only, though!

Goodbye 2008, hello to more procrastination!

The first week at work after the Christmas and New Year holidays is always the hardest. More often than not, the body may be dressed up in work gear but the mind is still in shorts mode. But enough of such enmities, it's time for the first meme of 2009! I so love memes. They're so...memelicious.

Hmm...

The What the Heck You're Up to Now meme:

Where is your cellphone? Somewhere. I hope.
Where is your significant other? Next to me. If I had one.
Hair colour? Slightly darker than black.
Your mother? Out with my sisters.
Your father? Look up to the sky. You might see him.
Your favourite thing(s)? My thing. Wahaha! If you're referring to belongings, then it would be too many. But if you're referring to things as things I cherish the most, it would have to be my family, friends and my life.
Your dream last night? Had a nice chat with the personal trainer chick from gym. She was by far the most beautiful sight I will most likely see all year.
Your dream/goal? To rule the world.
Your hobby(ies)? Again, the best things are in three's: working out, having awesome chats with my buddies, enjoying life.
Your fear? Not being liked. Serious!
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Being the boss. To my boss's boss!
Where were you last night? At home.
What you’re not? A girl?
One of your wish list items? For now, a better job.
Where you grew up? In a house with my family.
The last thing you did? Checking this site out for the latest football news.
What are you wearing? Don't worry, I am wearing clothes.
Your TV? Um, downstairs?
Your pet? Never had one, never will.
Your computer? Using it now to do this meme.
Your mood? Insouciant and covetous.
Missing someone? Hmm, crikey! I left my grandma at the arcade. Again!
Your car? It has seats and a steering wheel, the last I remembered.
Something you’re not wearing now? Make-up.
Favourite store? Book stores make me happy the most.
Your summer? It's a perpetual summer here in Malaysia. Sometimes it's all right. Sometimes it's horrid. It's so-so at the moment.
Love someone? Myself, most definitely.
Your favourite colour? Darker black.
When was the last time you laughed? Well, the last time I laughed really loud was in the office last Friday. That was a riot.
Last time you cried? Last Thursday. Me and the guys from office stood outside our building and we talked the most splendid nonsense, ever. It brought tears of joy!
Are you a bitch? I'm more of a bugger. But I can be a bitch when the occasion arises.
Favourite position? Upright.
Favourite past time? Not working.
Are you a hater or a lover? I'm more of a clown. But I'm more of a hater now. I hate Chelsea!
Are you genuine or fake? I'm genuine if I consider you a friend but I'm a fake if you're someone I detest.
Any vice(s)? Miami. Retarded joke aside, my vices would have to be procrastinating, checking out girls when I'm supposed to be working out, checking out girls when I'm supposed to be working.
Pro-life or wire hanger? I believe in the adage of "the punishment should fit the crime".
McCain or Obama? No contest, whatsoever, it has to be Obama.
Pro plastic or natural? Natural, naturally.
Dream job? Not the one I'm having at the moment.

I tag Angie and whoever who wants to do this.

Be nice now, people.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Here's a big shout out to the return of Syar and Nadia. These two ladies are quite possibly the most entertaining writers Malaysia has not seen enough.

I so want to go to Egypt.

I'm just so thrilled right now.

Yes, it's a moody Monday morning. The sky opened up in the wee hour that was 4 a.m. Sleep should be good. Then, the sound of an alarm could be heard. Lookie, it's 615 a.m. While most are still probably in their comfy beds, clutching their pink bolsters, I'm here in the office. The friggin' office. On a public holiday.

ARGH...!

Anyhow, I reckon I might as well do some "work" (hehehehe) and earn me some extra $. And since I have all the time in the world, I might as well do this rather interesting meme that has been bequeathed to me by Angie.

Pretending to do work, FTW!

___________________________________________________________

RULES:
Do the “Letter MEME”. Tag no less than 5 other people, and leave them a comment, informing them that they have been tagged. Then copy the “How-to” Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.

-> How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear ________(the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal):

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-

Basically just fill in the blanks on top based on the answers you are gonna choose below. ( I will put my result at the bottom of this entry =) )

1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scared
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - How awful I’ve felt
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B -
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here goes! (Yes, I'm a lazy basturd, I just copied and pasted everything from Angie, even the colours!)

Dear Lia, (the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal):

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but I dislike you I think I realized it first of May, in your closet and I saw you ignore my fart balloon. I’m sure you’re scared enough to understand that I did a sex-change (teh lolz!). I’m returning your Darth Vader poster to you, but I’ll keep your oil stocks as a memory. You should also know that I never will forget the apartment building.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,
Chris.

Nice! Of course, I wanted to put in the more "expressive" answers, but that would constitute cheating. So I played it true and I'm pleased with the results. Won't tag anyone in particular, just anyone who wants to have a good laugh doing this.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: And thanks to Angie once again for reminding me of this site, Setanta. Holy laughing daemons, this has been the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Really. It really has helped me in the last week, making me laugh as opposed to wanting to bash people with my office mug because, you know...

I'm fantastic. Ha!

My soundtrack to Life will scare you, your mom and your grandma. All at the same time.

I’m bored and tomorrow’s another day at work. Whoopee.

Things I Would Like to Have Happened On the Friends Television Series:
I would like to see them all get blown to smithereens. Seriously, I am not a fan of this show at all. I’d rather watch The Cosby Show.

Men Who Look Dashing in Facial Hair:
Me. Seriously, facial hair makes me look rugged.

Women Who Look Dashing in Facial Hair.
Do you even want me to answer this?

Fictional Women Who Have Facial Hair:
Now why would I want to read a book with women who had/have facial hair?

What I Have Been Doing for the Last Seven Days:

• Contemplating Life. The usual shit.
• Contemplating work. Now, where am I going with this?
• Thinking of whether or not I should just give up and move on? Connected to life and the eternal conundrum of relationships.
• Working out (in vain) to get a six-pack. So far I’ve managed to procure six packs of noodles. Damn.
• Trying to catch up on my reading.
• Trying to catch up on work. Seriously, there’s a lot stuff going on and I’m starting to feel the pinch of it all.

Songs Given the Tentative “Go” Signal for Said Soundtrack:

• Def Leppard – Promises
• Dream Theater – The Glass Prison
• Fear Factory – Self Bias Resistor
• Fuel – Hemorrhage (In My Hands)
• Gamma Ray – Send Me a Sign
• Guns & Roses – Paradise City
• Metallica – Fight Fire With Fire
• Slayer – War Ensemble
• The Crown – Arise (Awesome, awesome Sepultura cover)
• Whitesnake – Sailing Ships (My most favourite rock ballad ever.)

What Has Helped Me Stay Awake for the Last Seven Days:

• Work. Thinking about it makes sleep faster for some inexplicable reason.
• I don’t really stay up but when I do, it’s mostly because of House. Hugh Laurie’s the man!

What I Will Have Eleven Days From Now:

• More work.
• Better stamina on the treadmill.
• A haircut, if I’m not too bogged down by work or thwarted by the rain gods.
• Hopefully catch a movie or two. I’m so lazy to queue up these days, though.
• A more or less emo state of affairs. I so hope not.

Thanks to you, id, for this wonderful meme.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Should I watch Get Smart even though I really don’t like Steve Carrell?

235 hours 44 minutes 38 seconds. And my randomiser had to pick these songs? Sheesh.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

Syar the Lovely posted this not long ago and I immediately I was piqued. So I thought I’d give it a go and see where it’ll take me. I ended up cheating so much I thought I might as well just write out what the heck I’m feeling at the moment while listening to one of the 3000+ songs in my playlist. (All information herewith is correct at time of posting. Tomorrow will be a different story.)

How does the world see you? Testament – The Formation of Damnation

I absolutely love this song. It’s fast, brutal and it just screams metal. Song of 2008, no doubts at all. Anyway, I would like to think that the world sees me as this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

Will I have a happy life? Fear Factory – Self Bias Resistor

I’d love to have a very happy life but at the moment I’m taking everything with a pinch of salt. And lots of protein as well, you know, to build muscle and all. That didn’t make much sense, eh?

What do my friends really think of me? Metallica – Fight Fire With Fire

Can an apocalyptic song be used to gauge me as a friend? I hope not. Yet again I’m doing a bit of speculating, I’d like to think that my friends view me as this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

What do people secretly think of me? Morbid Angel – Summoning Redemption

This is the song to play if you’re going on a march. Yeah, a march with daemons! But seriously speaking, if people are secretly thinking that I’m a Roman God in human form, who am I to tell them otherwise? Right? Hmm? Shucks…Actually, maybe, just maybe, they secretly think that I’m this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

What should I do with my life? Dream Theater – The Glass Prison

Live it the way I see fit, make my family and friends happy and my enemies dear to my heart. On second thought, nah, my enemies can buzz off!

What is some good advice for me? Godsmack – Sick of Life

Okay. No, thanks. I’d rather be sick of wife. Get it? Huh? Shucks.

How will I be remembered? Slayer – War Ensemble

I’d like to be remembered as the nice, kin..wait a minute, didn’t I use that line, like, a bajillions times already? Time for a new one. Okay, here goes: I’d like to be remembered as the guy who brought lots of merriment but could be serious when serious matters needed it. But most of all, I’d like to be remembered as Chris, the rather nice, bumbling, nerdy guy.

What is my signature dancing song? Cryptopsy – Born Headless

Err…

What do I think my current theme song is? Rammstein – Mein Herz Brennt

Literally translated as, My Heart Burns, I play this song when I have the blues. You know, caused-by-female blues. Sigh.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Scissor Sisters – I Don’t Feel Like Dancing

I really like this song a lot and if I had some effeminate qualities this would be my favourite song of all-time.

What song will play at my funeral? Suffocation – Funeral Inception

Tee hee!

What type of men/women do you like? Bloodbath – Eaten

I think the song’s title says it all. LOL!

Have a great week ahead, people!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: The new Indiana Jones sucked tremendously.

I am not good. Or so my 5 vices tell me.

This post is a meme that was bequeathed to me by a dear friend who shall remain anonymous to my regular readers but will always be remembered fondly as the most exuberant person (trapped) on a tiny island that has the worst Hokkien Mee EVER.

Here they are, in no particular order except by overall badness:

• Diffidence and flatulence are a deadly combination

I am my own worse enemy. If you don’t talk to me, I won’t talk to you. If you don’t smile at me, I’ll deny your existence. Simple, no? Does that make me an arrogant git? I hope not.

• I worry too much it should be illegal. I think it is a crime in Mongolia.

I have this habit of wanting to do things right the first time. Like, for instance, brushing your teeth. No one in their right mind wants to brush their molars twice in a space of 3 minutes, yes? I’d bite my nails (well, lick them since I don’t want ugly fingers), pull my hair (none to begin with), shout some incoherent ramble before I realise that I didn’t have to worry at all. Shit. I will excogitate (excellent word!) over and over again until my brain hurts so badly that when the splendid rays of wake up, foo! hits me, I would’ve wallowed in a swamp of self-loathing so deep, I would be now one with the Swamp Thing.

• I can be quite mean. Meaner than you would imagine.

Under the guise of a dim-witted yet rather strapping young lad, hides a guy with a sinister streak. Yes, I have the predilection to be rather nasty—sometimes bordering on the uncouth. I, for the most part, do it to illicit giggles. I do know when to draw the line. It’ll be a bit off tangent sometimes, but I do try my best to keep it as straight as possible. I’ve always been nippy when it comes to unleashing witty retorts. Have I gotten into trouble for being a potty mouth? I don’t remember getting walloped by a mob so the answer is no. I really hope not. I just combed my hair. Wait, I don’t have any. Drats.

• Thanks to the Big Dude, I’m Pedantic and not Panicky.

Situation: Sticking my head into a hole which is so obviously not meant for me. This is something I have to work on. Really work on. Composing emails is one of many, many foibles. A simple one sometimes would suffice, but not for me. Oh no sirree. My emails are like friggin’ dossiers for sanity’s sake! Subscribing to pedantry has led me to some pretty awkward moments not withstanding the fact that it also has gotten me into trouble. Need I elaborate? Not this time!

• Vindication against those who have wronged me. Yes, I’m talking about you, you old fat bat of a woman.

I think this vice is a ‘nuff said one. All right. Maybe a short description will do. Scene: crowded bus stop. A sea of stinky, mostly fat women are sitting on impossibly comfortable “seats,” waiting for the bus to arrive. Me: standing upright whilst trying to look cooler than cool but failing miserably because my fly is down. Bus arrives, stinky fat women rush. In the process, they try to push me. I’m a head taller and built like a (small) bull. Bus door opens and BAM! I push them stinky fat women aside.

And a bonus one, which is not so much a vice but more of a transgression, if I may say so:

• Intolerance towards blatant rudeness and its ilk

If you’re going to use the F-word or any other profanity, make absolutely sure you mean it. Don’t just say it just because it’ll make you cooler. I’m no stranger to being profane but to do it in the office? C’mon, let civility reign for 7 and a half hours then you can cuss all you want.

To be absolutely frank, this was difficult. It really took me awhile to come up with this post. Not because I think I’m angel (I am, ask my grandmother) but trying to find something bad about yourself is like trying to get a politician to say sorry.

I hope I don’t end up as a politician. Have a great weekend, people!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: This post is open to any one if they have the guts to write about their vices.

And now, on this day...

I had in mind a rather thought-provoking topic to write about. But since I’m an incorrigible pedant, the final draft is still a long way to go. But thankfully, Lia, has decided to drop me with a meme that I must say was really fun to do. I didn’t know that the day I was born was quite popular for sad events. Oh well. On to the meme!

1. Go to Wikipedia and enter your birthday without the year: May 5

2. List three events that occurred that day:

• 1260 - Kublai Khan becomes ruler of the Mongol Empire.

This so rocks. Too bad he had an ugly moustache.

• 1945 - World War II:
• German troops in the Netherlands and Denmark capitulate to Canadian and British forces, liberating these countries from Nazi occupation.
• Prague uprising against the Nazis.
• Mauthausen concentration camp is liberated.
• Admiral Karl Dönitz orders all U-boats to cease offensive operations and return to their bases.

What can I say? It’s funny that without the war most of us wouldn’t be here today. But with the war so many lives were lost because short men with inflated egos thought they could rule the world.

• 1992 - Wolfenstein 3D is released, the first-ever first-person shooter computer game.

While I played Doom first, without this game I wouldn’t have been able to develop my mad skills in Unreal Tournament 2004!

3. List two important birthdays:

• 1818 - Karl Marx, German political philosopher

Oh my.

• 1948 - Bill Ward, British drummer (Black Sabbath)

Without this man, metal wouldn’t have been born and we’d be stuck with disco. Forever.

4. List one death:

• 1821 - Napoleon I of France

All you short, angry men are belong to us! (I have no idea what that means but it’s sounds kind of funny. No?)

5. List one holiday or observance:

• International Midwives Day

Hooray for midwives!

I tag those who want to know more about the day they were born and to those who haven’t been tagged, Marz in particular. Enjoy!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I, too, want to do a meme twice in a row.

I I yai yai!

How this shindig works:

Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog. I was tagged by the venerable Lia and effervescent Syar.

Since I’m still working on a blog post on food, I’ll do a “6 weird things I do” instead.

1. Well, maybe just one will do. I love onions, be it raw (think Mel Gibson in that Lethal Weapon movie where he was naked for most of the time) or overcooked.
2. I don’t read lyrics. Firstly, it’s because I don’t want to get the booklet all smudged therefore after a while it will develop fungal growth which really sucks. Secondly, and rather embarrassingly, I can’t seem to understand them.
3. I can speed-read. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to be able to recall what I’ve read so it makes my speed-read feat pretty much useless.
4. I can spend hours looking at books and music CDs. I will pace up and down, flip and flap a book, then not buy anything.
5. I am incredibly parsimonious. I will walk for hours, visit countless stores, heckle and query till the cows come home just to find the best price for anything. I’m like Chris Rock’s father in Everybody Hates Chris. I know the price for a lot of things.
6. Whenever I’m by myself, I tend to walk very fast. I will actually scan the area I’m traversing, and pick out the best route. When I’m driving by myself however, I like to go as slow as possible.

I had to really think of things that I haven’t already told you guys. It was fun, and I think it’s why I’m a sucker for memes, I feel like a little boy with a set of Legos.

Gute Nacht und Gutes Glück.

PS: Since I can't really think of anyone to bequeath this meme to I'll just wish anyone who wants to do this all the best. Till then, have a nice week!

5 things you think you know about me

All right, I’ve run out of topics to write. My brain has for some strange reason been put on ‘Temporarily Out of Stuff to Write’. Therefore, since I can’t really think of anything to comment, I might as well write about things that I know very intimately.

After all, this is my blog.

So I present to you, the 5 things you think you know about me and the truth behind it all.

1. People think I’m mean and violent.
It’s the face. It has to be it. The non-existent smile. The eyes that could rip a bear into two. The stone face I put on when I don’t want people disturb me (especially sales people). I like my fair share of violence but only in the movies and games. I don’t really bash kids you know.

2. People think I only listen to metal and rock.
Look, I can listen to metal and rock the whole day. I’ve been doing so for the past 8 years. But that doesn’t mean I’m totally ignorant to other genres. In fact, I can identify songs and artistes way better than some of my friends who claim to listen or in the know. Pffft.

3. People think I’m the supreme master of the English language.
I do admit that my command of the language is above average to say the least, but that doesn’t mean I know the meaning to every single word. I recognize a lot of words but their meaning eludes me most of the time so much so that even after repeated checks with the trusted dictionary, I’ll forget in seconds. To those who understood completely all the V’s that were spouted in V for Vendetta, I bow to thee.

4. People think I can eat like a bloody pig (or cow for a kosher version).
I may have the physicality of a bear but that doesn’t mean that my stomach is able to hold 3 persons’ worth of food. Take for example the genial old lady at my college’s canteen. It’s like she thinks I’m lying whenever I ask her to lessen the amount of rice she puts on my plate. It could have fed a whole village in Western Vietnam for crying out loud!

5. People tend to think I joke a lot.
When I’m sad, people will question me to no end as to why I am in such a predicament. Or when I get mad and angry people tend to think that I’m having man-period. Look here buddy, comedians and jokers can be the most serious people in the world simply because we’re also human. The funny bone can’t be tickled all the time you know.

And as a bonus, I present to you another thing you think you know about me.

6. I’m afraid of stairs, ladders and escalators.
I always like to walk as though I am the ultimate ruler of the world. What this actually means is that I try to look as cool and macho as possible. Me being the egoist, I tend to look forward and walk as though I had smelled a smelly sock. But the embarrassing truth is that I’m pretty clumsy when I encounter steps of any kind. It’s like gravity wants to play a cruel joke and conspires with vertigo to make me feel as though I might fall off the very first step of a staircase.

But at least I have nice legs to show off. Tee hee.

Chris is signing off. For now…

PS: If an escalator brings you up, then a descendalator should in fact, bring you down?

Chris’s Weird Weirds

Syar has bequeath onto me a most pernicious and salacious mission that I simply cannot refuse. It’s called a meme, a term that may seem ambiguous at first but when you keep repeating it loudly over and over and over again, makes perfect sense. It involves me digging very deep into the very being of well, me. So without further ado (and other cryptic messages), I present to you: Chris’s Weird Weirds.

1. Weird habit: This is really, really hard. As those of you who know me, my idiosyncrasies are far and wide and downright bizarre. But I would have to say that my weirdest habit is that I can read a book, magazine etc, listen to music (really loud and heavy stuff) and once in a while I’ll throw in a couple of push-ups. At the same time. Don’t ask me how I do it because I just do it.

2. Weird aversion: Oh my. This is one tricky as heck weird theme. I have literally tonnes of aversions. I guess my biggest aversion would be anchovies and dried prawns. And cockles (or in its more popular known name: kerang). For the life me, I can’t devour those blighters. I’ll spend ages carefully removing any anchovy from my plate of nasi lemak. The same goes for the dried prawns. Yucks.

3. Weird anatomy: Hahaha! Now this weird theme is really hilarious. I guess it would have to be my feet. I wear size 11 shoes, sometimes 12 depending on the cutting. What is weird is that I’m only 5’8 and stocky and I have shoes that are reminiscent of Ronald McDonald’s. Think a bouncer with dorky glasses.

4. Weird sayings: Yet another tricky one. There are quite a number of things I love to say especially lines from movies, music or whatever. I usually change some of the words to enhance so to speak. Unfortunately, I only use them when I remember to but at this point in time, I don’t recall any of hand. Some of my favourites (the ones I DO remember): Holy cow of God! Oh my Godness!

5. Weird posse: I wouldn’t say that the posse I associate with is weird; it’s me that’s the weird bit. He he. It’s mainly because I tend to hang out with people who are either criminally insane or slightly demented.

In hindsight, I’m pretty sure my mind will change and the list above will be different slightly or radically. But I think the above represent me best at present condition. Thanks for reading.

Chris signing off…

PS: To my good (and highly demented) friend, Richard I bequeath onto thee to write your own meme. Go go!

I like 7

I was actually in the midst of coming up with "Things That Will Make You Go Huh and Buh: The Secrets of Chris Revealed" but thanks be to Syar and Nadia who came up with this cool thingy and I thought, what the heck, let's do this instead.

Before I gloriously die, I plan to...

1. Settle down with the woman willing to spend her remaining days wishing she didn't have to, make some Chris Jrs and Little Miss Christines and own a really BIG and EXPENSIVE car.
2. Experience life as much as I can. Which includes me working in some foreign country and wishing I was eating nasi lemak instead of stinky French cheese that has blue markings to denote its profound stinkyness.
3. Travel as much as I can. No tour groups for me, I want to experience people's country and lives without an overweight tour guide with a scraggly beard and moustache telling me about the local cuisine.
4. At least see Dream Theater, Metallica (they may suck tremendous amounts of donkey ass now but without them I wouldn't be the metalhead I am today), Slayer or even Audioslave in concert.
5. Make an impact on society. I don't know how exactly I am going to accomplish this but I do hope I leave something for my children and their children to talk about.
6. Find and hold a job I truly enjoy. "Because I don't want to wake up one morning with the sudden urge to blow my brains out." (Completely borrowed from Nadia since it's so good I couldn't change it)
7. Meet the people on my list who I haven't already done so. Don't worry, I don't bite.

I can...

1. Curse, drive, drink, look out for cute girls, adjust hair: ALL at the same time.
2. Burp on command.
3. Headbang, read/study/write and air guitar/drum: ALL at the same time.
4. Admit it when I'm in the wrong.
5. Go on and on and on and on and making people's lives more unpleasent by coming up with cryptic analogies and sentences that should be called paragraphs.
6. Devour a Whopper in under 1 minute. That's like downing 2 Big Macs. My stomach then rebels thus sets me in the privy for the next half hour or so as revenge.
7. Make people laugh with my wit, my lack of self-efficacy, and my sometimes cute face that resembles a Pillsbury dough boy.

I can't...

1. Shut up before it's too late.
2. Write simple and staightforward. I will beat about the goddamn bush 'till there's not a single leaf left.
3. Drive at night properly. And if it's raining, get ready to tell me the traffic condition. It may get a bit rough.
4. Look people in the eye. I'm afraid I might get crossed eyed.
5. Dance to save myself.
6. Watch horror movies and not laugh and be scared out of my wits at the same time.
7. Let incompetence lead me on in anything that I do, or worse, people who can't admit it when they're wrong. Especially men, to me if they don't then their a bunch of pansies.

Say most...

1. Rubbish
2. Bugger
3. Macha!
4. Dude!
5. Cool
6. What the heck/hell
7. Shit

Attract me to someone...

1. Being completely herself, for I do not want a girl who at first seems all genuine and is my kind of girl, only to turn out she's ditzy, self-centred and worse, is a fan of Britney Spears.
2. Likes music for what it is and knows the difference between real rock and pure garbage.
3. Looks. Anyone who says looks are not important is either blind or is just trying to sound sensitive. While I know I may never be able to date a model, but I do hope to meet a girl with beautiful, souflul eyes, lips that demand to be serviced, and hair that whence is flipped is able to whoop me across the floor.
4. A girl who knows what she wants.
5. Knows that I will always be there with her and vice versa. But, um, she may have to fork out petrol money. Expensive wor.
6. Is able to stand my quirks and thoughts about many things in life. I'll forgive her for calling Good Charlotte "Good rock" if she accepts my love for metal. And Norah Jones. Ooooo.
7. Is able to take my jokes and turn it around and making it funnier.

Celebrity crushes (This list is in order. You'll know why.)...

1. Kristin Kreuk - THANK YOU GOD. She's so beautiful, that everytime I have notty thoughts about her I immediately hit my head for such a creature of pulchritudinous shouldn't be treated like a mere vessel of pleasure. And those green eyes of hers just melts my soul.
2. Jessica Alba - From the first time I saw Dark Angel I was mesmerized. Not only does she exudes sexuality like an oozing chocolava pit, she manages to tickle my happy spots everytime I see her. And those lips, oh my.
3. Hannah Tan - Malaysia Boleh! As cliché and rather lame as it is, she goes to show that Malaysian chicks are a million miles better than Singaporean chicks. She's got one heck of a brainy mind (she can prolly teach me more about IT than my college ever can) and is an all round mighty fine package.
4. Angelina Jolie - Lips of wonder. Body of amazement. Eyes of steely determination and unquenchable sexual drive, and who could blame El Pitt for dumping that Aniston woman. She can raid my tomb anytime.
5. Rachel Weisz - Her American accent goes off tangent sometimes but that smile of hers makes me want to smack Keanu Reeves for getting to see her in a more intimate fashion.
6. Scarlett Johansson - She proves that curves and having a beautiful complexion is so much more appealing than looking like an anorexic milkmaid. And that husky voice is like butter on hot potato buns.
7. Evangeline Lilly - Beautiful. Just beautiful. When she cries, I feel like crying too. When she laughs, i'm over the clouds. She's one of those rare actors who can pull off emotions with such conviction. I'd so love to be Lost with her.

Honourable mentions go to Marg Helgenberger (CSI), Camelia (i've always liked her, *blushes*), Aishwarya Rai (bite me), Fergie from Black Eyed Peas who's possibly the sexiest and scariest woman alive.

So there you have it, things you may have known or suspected, all for your reading pleasure. Hope you all enjoyed it.

Chris signing off...

PS: Who would've thought I'd need almost 5 days to complete this...