Thursday, 31 January 2008

If you think you’ve had a bad week, mine’s badder.

The weather here in Malaysia is so hot; I’m naked most of the time.

Yeah, right!

Wipe those salacious thoughts right away and let me treat you to a work of fiction. The story you are about to read is nothing more than someone’s imagination put into word.

There was this boy, right, who was really handsome. But his looks bear nothing to the story. Stop dreaming, pay attention. Anyway, this boy (handsome, many have said) is pretty much new to the job. Heck, he is new to the working world, having only worked a combined four months (2 and a half jobs, don’t ask, he won’t answer.) prior to this. He’s a happy-go-lucky kind of guy who prefers to be in a jocular (his word, not mine) mood as opposed to being in a foul mood only seen during mediaeval times. Which, coincidentally, didn’t have clean underwear. Or any for that matter.

The first month on the job was spent trying to understand what the job is all about; what to do right and what not to do wrong. In short, he learned the ways to not screw up badly. You can screw, all right, but you can’t screw too much. This was also the month where he was exceptionally busy. Busy trying to look busy, that is!

Second month proved to be the turning point in his blossoming career. Turned so much his head spun a 360 and came back a 359. This month saw him undertake one task after another, with nary a complaint except for the times when his tummy was faintly vexed by the lack of attention it was not receiving from its (dim) master. He picked up work where work needed and it proved to be a great month. It went so well; he didn’t feel like resigning the next day.

The third and fourth months were all about speed. As soon as a problem came about, he was always there, ready to pounce. But it was all for nothing, really. He may have been on the scene of the crime first, but the culprit would be too cunning, thus avoiding capture early. But make no mistake, justice prevails and the culprit would eventually be apprehended. After lunch, normally. You can’t fight crime on an empty stomach!

As 2007 was about to draw its curtain, many people decided to have their breaks. Long ones. It proved highly challenging to the young one (with a surprisingly matured (and very handsome) face, as many have testified) yet he reigned over his mistakes and whatnots. Christmas was spent with loved ones minus the presents from Ole Nick. Yes, my dear children of the cornflakes, the boy still believes in Santa’s naughty helpers.

And now we come to the end of the 5th week. This particular week was significantly mellow. There was the occasional request to do slave work, but it was nothing the (handsome) boy couldn’t handle. Did I forget to mention that he’s the youngest in the office? And handsome, too. He’s finally going to get a short reprieve, which is something he desperately needs and deserves. After all, he has no plans to throw in his resignation. Not the month after this, anyway.

What a story. None of it is true, unless you choose to believe it, which still doesn’t make it true.

The handsome part, though, is absolutely accurate.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I love my new camera.

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

If my employer finds out I'm blogging in the office, I'll be fired...

But, at this moment, if I could care less, I'd win a Gold medal in the "I Couldn't Give a Shit" category.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult in coming up with Chris-worthy sentences, let alone whole blog posts. I blame work. It hasn't reached Stressdom level, yet, but if I don't manage my day-to-day work schedule now, I'll be—to put it mildly—righteously fucked.

And I thought life, for me, was going pretty well. I even bought meself some Hugo Boss cologne, too.

Fate/Karma/Whatever, you're a spoilsport.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Happy Thaipusam to all. Don’t throw coconut husks indiscriminately, yes.

Sunday, 13 January 2008

It’s not even the end of January but I feel that 2008 has been a pretty long year...


Is it just me or does 2008 feel like the year of the hurricane?

Forgive me of my potentially portent opener, but gosh darnit, don’t you feel the same? The first week of January has gone by without as much as a hello. Work is slowly, surely and painfully starting to pile up. What was once hard is now easy and what was once easy I am now trying to make it as hard as possible.

I am, of course, kidding! I will try to explain as best as I can about what goes on during a typical work day.


Activity/Things that make me look busy but I’m actually on Facebook!*


Wake up. I wish I didn’t have to.


Wake up. Again. Damnit, I love/hate the snooze function!


Eat my breakfast. And more often than not, I would take a dump soon after. Indeed, that was way too much information for you.


Get the feeder bus to the LRT (Light Rail Transit @ Stuck in a moving box with many other corporate slaves all trying to get to work without falling asleep) station without punching some poor sod’s face in.


Reach office. At this point I am by and large completely exasperated. Some people from the train really do stink.


I take yet another dump. Too much stinky tofu the night before really screws up the bowel system.


I officially start work at 9 but I like to start early. I would check my emails and try to resolve any outstanding calls (incidents, issues, problems, things that make me do work) before I begin doing my reports.


Short break. Which loosely translates to: snack time!


Lunch! Argh! Hungry!


Come back from lunch. By this time the mood for work is as strong as a spider’s web. In a class 5 typhoon!


Brush teeth. Yes, I brush my teeth at the office after lunch. So?


Try to stay awake. Seriously, I’m so sleepy by this time, it’s a miracle my head isn’t on the keyboard. Or on the floor.


Send out the last of my reports and look up SAP Developer Network or whatever for the latest in the world SAP (Slow And Painful).


Pack up. In four minutes, I’m gonna head back home and get into the bloody LRT again. ARGH! Stinky armpits! And not forgetting, fat women and their fat boobies on me!

That’s me during a weekday.

Pretty boring, huh?

I don’t go onsite, yet, seeing that my experience is only enough to do the basics and slightly more intermediate works. Work, in general, is good but tiresome, especially at around 3 p.m. onwards. That is when the people from the UK get up and decide, hey, let’s torture some poor Malaysian! For some strange, otherworldly reason, the English have difficulty in getting basic grammar and spelling correct. Yes, the English have English problems. How quaint. Bah, it’s bloody annoying! I have this OCD-ish habit of writing proper emails. I judiciously use the spell-check; I’m not shy to admit. I patiently check my grammar. I peruse over my paragraphs. But most importantly, I ensure that my English sounds superior.

Muahaha! Ha!

On a lighter note:

I’ve been on the job for four months! And counting!

This is the longest job I’ve had and I’m not even thinking of quitting come next Monday! I love it here; the people are nice and ever willing to help this dolt. I know I won’t be here forever, no way. But until the day where I part company, I’m going to savour every moment.

At least this beats me selling Canadian land!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Updates are sluggish, I know. A combination of work and lack of ideas is contributing to the slowness. I sincerely apologise. That’s why I need you guys to update your own blogs instead!