2009 better be kind to me.

Ho, ho, ho!

How's everyone been? Man, I'm still so stuffed from stuffing my face from the last five days, I feel like a bloated octopus with my tentacles wrapped around a big pipe.

Hmm...

Anyways, Christmas was good. Took my little cousins out and it must be said that seeing them with their big smiles made the absatively horrid traffic jams seem a breeze. ('cept for one stretch where we got stuck for about 10 minutes, moving centimetre by centimetre very painfully slow, and with the sun blazing it sort of baked my legs.) Since my own childhood wasn't exactly the rosiest, this is the best I can do to make up time for all the non-happenings during those bleak years. And I now banish any notion that I was a heavy eater back when I was the village pudgy boy. My cousins ate more and faster than I ever did when I was their age. And they're like friggin' sticks! That talk back! Argh!

It must be said that the commercialisation of Christmas and other religious celebrations has become something so big that the other races have joined in the fun to cash in the bonanza. Heck, the other races are more excited than those who actually celebrate their respective celebration. Take my office for example: the Christians in my office were generally laidback leading up to Christmas, while most regarded Christmas as a welcome break from the exigencies of work. But my Big Boss, a staunch Buddhist, was the merriest of us all; he played Christmas carols, old Christmas ditties to even techno versions. I've never heard Little Drummer Boy with so much bass in my life.

In less than a month's time, the Chinese will celebrate their New Year. The cycle will repeat itself again. I'll take my family out again, get stuck in traffic jams and smile all the way. Because being with the family beats being in the office, tinkering away at systems and diagnostics and such.

The new year is fast approaching and as I leave 2008, I can't help but wonder, how the hell did I survive all the shit and nastiness of it all? But I'm also grateful that I managed to get through all the muck and grit, and in the end, emerged (rather scathed, I must say) with invaluable experience and wisdom.

Here's to a fruitful and less migraine-inducing 2009. Have a good week ahead!

This Chris, signing off.

PS: Happy New Year to all!

Dear Santa, I've been a good boy. So where's my new job?

Wazzzzzzzzzzzup, me peeps!

Oright, oright. I've just downed some pretty unsavoury tasting organic oats, all of which were done in the effort of being healthier, so pardon my rather uncharacteristic opening line.

Hate to say this, but time sure does fly,eh? Especially when the last 3 months or so have been the most interesting out of the entire year. Good and bad happened, along with the really bad so it's only natural that I look back at it all and think to myself, how the hell did I survive all that shit? Seriously, how did I end up writing this when not long ago I had murder bloody murder coursing through my veins?

I exaggerate, but you get my drift, yes? Work's been going down the crapper ever since people started becoming more and more greedy, selfish and downright lazy. And that's just the people I don't have any direct work with. They'll get what they deserve, that's for sure. Cupid's been shooting his arrows at everyone around me except, of course, me. The git. Life, in general, has been like the months when the stock market went cuckoo; lots of downs but there were a few bailouts in between. However, I'm hoping and having my fingers crossed long enough before osteoporosis sets in, that 2009 won't be as bleak like how the world's economy and wellbeing is when the new year arrives.

But let's get into something more salubrious, for instance, my 2008 resolution list!

1. To be a better person.
2. Enjoy life with family and friends.
3. Work hard and play harder.
4. Save the planet. One plastic bottle at a time.
5. See Dream Theater in concert.

Comments:

1. Still a work in progress.
2. Still a work in progress. Haha!
3. Still a work in progress. Hahaha!
4. Still a work in progress. Hahahaha!
5. Done! Saw one of my favourite bands live in concert on the 17th of January this year. It was one of the best days of my life, EVER.

In all seriousness, this year has been absolutely topsy turvy. If you've kept up with the recent posts, you'd know what I mean exactly. I can honestly say that I've grown up a lot this year. I'm still the bumbling buffoon but with one big difference:

I look cool. Oh, so damn cool. Tee hee!

Anyways, since 2009 isn't that too far off, (mmm, Christmas chicken, mmm...) I might as well come up with my resolution list. Here goes:

1. Get a better job.
2. Be a much better person.
3. See another band in concert. Preferably here. Singapore is expensive.
4. Go on holiday.
5. Get back to playing guitar.
6. Improving my (still rather rubbish) Chinese language skills.
7. Get a better job. Hmm, didn't I mention that already?

I guess that's about it. To everyone, regardless if you celebrate it or not, have a very blessed and Merry Christmas. Don't eat too much turkey, now.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: This is definitely not the last post of 2008, so be sure to check back next week for the last one!

Crisis? What cri$i$?

I love shopping.

But I also hate it, not shopping, per se, but the other people who are in the vicinity as I when I shop, 'cept for the cute girls at the lin...I mean, food courts. By the way, has anyone else noticed that our food courts are becoming more and more, um, shiny? The majority of the food still sucks, that's no different, but have you been into one lately? They're really sparkly!

It really amazes me that while governments are busy trying to bailout their respective catastrophes, the people, at least over here, are nonchalant about it. Practically oblivious to the fact that if their government doesn't react fast enough, they'll be the first to suffer its effects. And then they'll moan and groan, cursing at the government and the leaders, why? WHY MUST I SUFFER? Ooo, chocolate doughnut. Yum.

I reckon that most are dimwits. Wake up! Whatever that is being fed into your sorry excuse for a mind should always be taken a with a pinch of salt. (A small one, yeah.) Believe not everything you see on the idiot box...

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Christmas shopping still ongoing. Gonna get me a new pair of trousers! Tee hee!
PPS: BUSH, you da man for ducking the shoe attack!

I so want to go to Egypt.

I'm just so thrilled right now.

Yes, it's a moody Monday morning. The sky opened up in the wee hour that was 4 a.m. Sleep should be good. Then, the sound of an alarm could be heard. Lookie, it's 615 a.m. While most are still probably in their comfy beds, clutching their pink bolsters, I'm here in the office. The friggin' office. On a public holiday.

ARGH...!

Anyhow, I reckon I might as well do some "work" (hehehehe) and earn me some extra $. And since I have all the time in the world, I might as well do this rather interesting meme that has been bequeathed to me by Angie.

Pretending to do work, FTW!

___________________________________________________________

RULES:
Do the “Letter MEME”. Tag no less than 5 other people, and leave them a comment, informing them that they have been tagged. Then copy the “How-to” Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.

-> How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear ________(the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal):

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-

Basically just fill in the blanks on top based on the answers you are gonna choose below. ( I will put my result at the bottom of this entry =) )

1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scared
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - How awful I’ve felt
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B -
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here goes! (Yes, I'm a lazy basturd, I just copied and pasted everything from Angie, even the colours!)

Dear Lia, (the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal):

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but I dislike you I think I realized it first of May, in your closet and I saw you ignore my fart balloon. I’m sure you’re scared enough to understand that I did a sex-change (teh lolz!). I’m returning your Darth Vader poster to you, but I’ll keep your oil stocks as a memory. You should also know that I never will forget the apartment building.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,
Chris.

Nice! Of course, I wanted to put in the more "expressive" answers, but that would constitute cheating. So I played it true and I'm pleased with the results. Won't tag anyone in particular, just anyone who wants to have a good laugh doing this.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: And thanks to Angie once again for reminding me of this site, Setanta. Holy laughing daemons, this has been the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Really. It really has helped me in the last week, making me laugh as opposed to wanting to bash people with my office mug because, you know...

I'm fantastic. Ha!

Oops! I've changed my faith.

I have a love/hate relationship with anything that has the word Sale in it. Underwear sale is an exception. Anyway, today is the first day for the country's now annual Mega Sale.

Yes, my friends, I do shop. Heck, I enjoy it.

Granted, our Mega Sale doesn't hold a candle to Singapore's Super Duper Kiasu Sale but it's better than nothing. It has to be noted that there are more establishments offering some discount, even lesser known brands and such have jumped on the bandwagon. Which means plenty of hurt for the wallet if you do choose to spend, spend and spend.

I'm parsimonious so I'm not affected by the Mega Sale's nefarious rays of persuasion. He. He. (All right, maybe a lil.)

Happy Shopping, people!

Now, I do not believe for a minute (or a damn second) that a person's religious faith can be eroded, or worse, be altered completely when doing yoga. It is preposterous and it's an insult to those who practice it purely for its health benefits. What? Will this stance make me change my religion? Will yoga turn me into a homosexual? I don't think so. I can't even bear to look at myself if I was wearing pink leotards:

Or, maybe, the more zealous ones are afraid that their wives would end up like this:

Gosh, some people really need to wake up from their false sense of utopia.

I need more underwear. Thankfully, there's a Mega Sale going on!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: To those who lost their lives in Mumbai, India, may you Rest in Peace. May the bastards rot in Hell.

I hate people.

Now that I've got your attention, how's you been?

I don't really hate people, I just don't like many of them.

You know in every office there'll be at the very least one village idiot. The one person that can turn your nice day into a nightmare by just uttering a simple sentence.

I really hate it when I'm sitting like 10 metres away from you and you drop me an email, or worse still, you call me for something that I can do in a matter of seconds. If we're on friendly terms, it would be a non-issue. But since you've pissed me and my friends off with your primadonna-like behaviour you'll be treated with equal animosity. And since I've taken a dislike to you right from the very first time I shook your limp hand, I won't be bothered to entertain your request especially if you ask, nay, demand that it be solved ASAP. Who the hell are you? Again, I may come off as a clown at times, but where work is concerned, you can bet your sorry moustached face I take it seriously.

Phew.

Now that's out of my system, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish those who've left the company a bright and prosperous career ahead. You guys are definitely smarter than me.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Seriously, I kinda like Katy Perry.

November rains while December is storming...

I completely and utterly forgot what I really wanted to write about. I had two, maybe three topics I wanted to blab about but now I'm in the office, thinking of lunch.

It's only 0800. Man, I love military time.

November is fast becoming the month where everything goes by quicker because everyone wants December to come soon so that they can jet off to some remote island in the Caribbeans (I so want to wear a leaf skirt*) to soak their weary feet and sip mildly alcoholic drinks. Since I'm pretty much tight with the $, I'll have to settle with somewhere less distant. Either Thailand or Singapore would be very nice. But it's a bit late to book a room and such so I'll think I'll have to content myself with the next best thing: visiting my lovely and awesome grandma.

It's a lot cheaper, too. Ha!

This is Chris, signing off.

* - Hmm, maybe a leaf skirt isn't something I should be wearing.

PS: If they made a movie based solely on the penguins from the atrocity that is Madagascar, I'm so there at the theatre.

It's like trying to pee with your underwear on.

A young girl got up the bus all smiles on a rather moody Monday. She frantically dug her purse for RM1 and when she couldn't produce the money, smiled at the bus driver and the rest of the passengers sheepishly, embarrassed.

Are you, like, bloody dim or something?

I mean, c'mon, you know you're going to board a bus. You know you have to pay for the ride. You know you have to be prepared for such incident because, frankly, you don't just get on the friggin' bus, hoping you'll find RM1 in your damn purse or wherever you put your money in.

Anyway, I'm still lethargic from all the happenings lately; the house is still behind with the contractor being rather slow. Work is stagnant, as usual, but I've two rather big cases to handle, so those are going to keep me occupied until at least the end of this week. After that? Who knows, I might be sent for training.

Yeah, right!!!

Have a productive week ahead.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Losing is one thing, but to lose to a team you absolutely abhor with all your might? Man, it sucks tremendously.

I can't believe it's not December yet.

What an exhausting month October was. Been up and down, down and up. Much like the global economic crisis that happened, minus the bailout.

Oh, I also experienced my first knock to the head. Fell in the good ole bathroom and landed on my left side. For a split second, I thought I was going to blackout. Instead, I got up, laughed and cursed my wretched luck.

Did you know that if you can hear sounds louder at the back of your ear it means that you've a punctured ear-drum? I didn't know that, too, until I visited the doctor. Man, that scared me a lil.

Here's to a cheery and productive November. One thing's for sure, it's going to be a killer on the wallet. Hint: I'm going to be having nice lunches with me friends and I also need new gym clothes (actually, I don't but I feel like buying new ones). And, no, I ain't buying any pink gym shorts!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I so hate our Malaysian escalators. It's so slow I reckon my facial hair gets thicker. Yarp.

It's like jogging with clown pants.

Is it just me or has the world become boring?

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Man, I'm so bored.

Flickr Me

This is the Flickr Meme that I stole from id. Thank you!

• Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
• Using only the first page, pick an image.
• Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into FD’s Mosaic Maker.

The Questions of Light

1. What is your first name?
Chris. I think that’s quite the obvious since this blog is called Chris’s Abnormally Normal Critiques.

2. What is your favourite food?
My mom’s cooking followed closely by a nice big, juicy burger.

3. What high school did you go to?
A crap one. Seriously.

4. What is your favourite colour?
Believe it or not, it’s actually dark blue that’s almost black. On second thought, nah, it's black! But for clothes, it’s either black or dark red.

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

It’s actually a salacious triumvirate of Aya Ueto, Song Hye Kyo and Jessica Gomes. But since I’m a one-woman man and I'm really into this chick, Jessica Gomes, I'm going with her as my current number celebrity crush.

6. Favourite drink?
Rooiboos tea with a bit of honey. Divine, I tells you.

7. Dream vacation?
At this point in time, any Scandinavian country would be fabulous. To a lesser extent, probably some South-East Asian country besides Singapore and Thailand. But honestly, any place where I get to relax would be just dandy.

8. Favourite dessert?
Strawberry pie topped with a lil green tea ice-cream. It's good!

9. What do you want to be you grow up?
Filthy rich.

10. What do you love most in life?
The fact that I can actually get along with humans and still resent them is truly remarkable. Don’t you agree?

11. One word to describe you.
Unusual.

12. Favourite flower?
Urm. A dead one? Just kidding. I wouldn’t say no to a black rose.

The Questions of Darkness


1. What has been your least-favourite nickname?
Fatty. I’ve been “blessed” with a multitude of nicknames but that takes the cake. Literally. On a happier note, those who called me that in school/college are now fatties themselves! Haha!

2. What is your most hated food?
I don’t really have a most hated food, per se, just food I’d rather not eat. For example: offal.

3. What was your worst subject in high school or college?
The one I majored in: Mechanical Drawing. I failed it brilliantly.

4. What colour looks most dreadful on you?
Bright green. Or more commonly known as "that’s gonna bust your eyeballs" green.

5. Which celebrity do you never want to hear about again?
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, or whichever socialite girl that decides to destroy her life with the public as her audience.

6. What drink gives you the worst hangover?
Most alcohol but the one that gets me all the time would be rice wine. Holy shit, that's some intense stuff.

7. Worst vacation spot?
It wasn’t a vacation, per se, but rather, a school excursion gone bad at the beach. How bad, you may ask? Well, the kitchen and the toilet at the place we were at wasn't that far apart. They were beside each other. And I forgot to bring my towel. Yay!

8. What is your “I’m having a crappy day” stress snack?
Come to think of it, none. But somehow milk would be an ideal choice.

9. What was your worst job?
Too many and too painful to recall. Oh. Well. Might as well just suck it up and reveal to the world: Salesperson.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Cowardice. It’s something I’m guilty of possessing, too This also nicely segues into the next question:

11. One word to describe your most annoying trait.
Silly. Refer to 10. Thank you.

12. What is the first name of the person you like the least?
Nil. I like everyone. Yeah, right! There’re just too many people I dislike!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Wow, I survived two weeks without football. Amazing!

A storm is brewing and it ain't tea-flavoured.

Okay...that didn't really make much sense but it does sound kind of catchy. Right?

Here's a quick recap of what transpired last week:

• Saw a teenager getting beaten up. I saw the whole thing. The more I wanted to look away, the more I looked. It was surreal. You know that getting a kick in the head would hurt, yeah? Try getting your head kicked at least five times.
• House is under renovation so I've no door to my room which makes it hard to put on trousers when you have, like, four construction workers going back and forth fixing things.
  

I think I'm on the verge of a burnout. A mental one. I can feel that my brain is not there. Y'know what I mean? I tend to ruminate things too often and too deeply nowadays. And I get into a weird reverie where my mind wanders wantonly. I even harbour deep resentment over things I won't divulge here. I find this rather unnerving because I know this isn't good for the soul in the long run.

It's high time I go on a vacation. Any one care to join me?

I promise I won't be crazy. Much.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I hate it when my tummy feels bloated. Blurgh...

Thankfully, I'm not worth $700billion

Wow.

Another week has come and gone so fast, it felt like a personal typhoon blew my mind and left debris of unknown origin on my conscious to clean up. With a tiny spoon.

Just only last Monday, I thought to myself, "I'm gonna kill myself by the end of the week."

I nearly did.

I've just realised that I haven't taken a holiday in nearly a year. The whole week that I was ill last month does not count, by the way. That was suffering. Anyhow, yeah, no holiday whatsoever in the last 10 months or so. I would love to go somewhere, anywhere, even if it were just for a week. I need to clear my mind, not think of the life I lead back home and just live. Get what I mean? I just want to be me.

Chris.

I feel as though I'm going to wind up some lowly-paid, under appreciated, miserable person who goes to work wishing for the time to pass by quick so that he can catch the Sports news on the telly. That would be just too depressing and not to mention a killer on the love-life.

Oh, oh! The first of October marked the anniversary of my one-year of my current employment. Yes, I have not left the company. Yet. So, yays for me!

Have a productive week ahead, y'all. I hope mine will be as well.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Holy smokes! Song Hye Kyo is absolutely beautiful and she was great in My Girl and I. Yes, I actually watched a lovey-dovey out of my own volition.

Bleeding me. And, no, it’s not the Leona Lewis song*.

Oright, my last post was written with a mind that was completely in rage and in a state of utter (I have to say that some were self-inflicted) misery. In other words, I wrote the last post with an unprecedented emo psyche. Thankfully, my mom doesn’t use any black eyeliner, or any eyeliner colour for that matter, so I didn’t look like one of them emo idiots.

The truth was stretched albeit lightly. I apologise.

I’m the kind of person that would rather crack a joke or do silly things just to liven things up. I’d rather see smiles than long faces. In short, I want people to have a good time. (I think sound like a geriatric theme park attendant trying to promote the world’s most boring ride.)

I’ve always known I had a real live one—I’m talking my temper—and as such, I’ve always tried to keep it under wraps, occasionally letting it loose when I’ve either been pushed too far or when I’m in an irritable mood.

There was this incident where my intention was just to get my meal during lunch. That’s all. But I must’ve come across as this rude and practically brutish bastard, as the person who took my order kept giving me, as we say here in Malaysia, the “one-kind” or in plain speak: ‘you pretentious bastard, I’ll give you less noodles’ look—true enough, my noodles were little.

By Friday, I was so numb from all the shit I went through, so much so that I just laughed off some things that otherwise would’ve sent me into a fury. It was either that or be a cranky S.O.B.

So I will leave you beautiful people with this excerpt from the excellent Metallica song, Bleeding Me:

I'm digging my way
I'm digging my way to something
I'm digging my way to something better
I'm pushing to stay
I'm pushing to stay with something
I'm pushing to stay with something better
...with something better...

Once again, I wish you all a very, very awesome weekend. Be happy, always.

* = By golly, she’s molten lava hot.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: To all my Muslim friends, Selamat Hari Raya. May you have a great one.

Everybody Hates Chris. I'm being overly dramatic, by the way...

What an absolutely horrible week it has been. Let me correct that:

It’s been an absolutely fucked up week.

Both my personal and work life was in turmoil. Even my country, the US of A and the world were experiencing a bad week. Heck, even my tummy joined in the action! Urm…

When I crack jokes, or when I’m basically acting myself, people tend to forget that I actually have a serious side. They assume that I’m this jolly, happy-go-fucking-lucky guy and that I would kowtow to their whims when they find it appropriate to their needs. Well, boo-fuck-de-doo, I can be an outright bastard when pushed too far. They take it for granted that I’m a fairly nice guy and I’ll hold the door for you, but if you treat me like dirt, then that door would probably come slamming onto your face. Oops, I didn’t know you were behind me.

It’s as though all the females that I know have experienced some sort of dilemma/crisis this week. My big sis has been clocking 16-hour workdays and it’s about to take its toll on her. I know my colleagues have been swamped with work (Hello! What la your boss…tsk, tsk) of which it’s about to get worse because of the impending holidays. My ex, a wonderful girl whom I still keep in contact with—contrary to what many thought wasn’t possible—has some issues of her own*. I was also not spared from online unpleasantness, as I was on the receiving end of a highly unfortunate conversation that took place with a dear friend**.

But to sum up my week: it’s like thinking that you have a shot with the girl of your dreams. You think, if we get together, we’ll make a great couple. So you formulate your next move, the move that will change your life and hers. Your heart skips two beats whenever you think about her. It’s that beautiful face and that beautiful soul of hers that makes you think it’s all worth while. Guess I’ll make my move, but…then, you see her walking towards you. With her boyfriend. It’s like having a sword cut right through your heart, but you don’t die.

You just end up suffering.

This week, I’ve been angry, disappointed, and happy; all at the same time, for five days straight. I so can’t wait for next week and see what “joy” it’ll bring.

Till then, have a great weekend, people. You deserve it.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Thank you, J, for being the sponge of my idiotic emoness. Thanks for replying all my silly messages on MSN. I greatly appreciate your views. Fill—thanks, man, for listening to me. I guess we’re even now. :)

* = (Hey there, gorgeous, I’m always ready to listen ;-))
** = I know how you feel. I really, really do.

If you’re gonna strut, ya might as well strut with panache – PART TROIS!

Just when you thought I would shut up about stories about the damn gym, here comes part 3 of my now never-ending tales from the gym. Told ya so that I had something up this week. Tee hee!

Onwards, to the gym!

Of chicken meat and chicken legs. The ones I don’t eat.

Some guys have built tops with some impressive and sculpted, urm, tops. But then, when you look down, you’ll see some of the skinniest legs only ugly models would have if they were anorexic. I kid you not! There’s this particular shorty, let’s call him Mr. Horrendous, who has arms bigger than my thighs. And I’m a big guy while he’s about the height of Miley Cyrus. He loves wearing sleeveless tees to expose his overly developed torso. Then when you get to the lower part of the body, you might burst out laughing right away at the sorry state of his chopsticks for legs. To me, if you’re going to workout only the top portion of your body, then you might as well chop off your legs and give them amputees. Honestly, seeing a guy lift a 30kg dumbbell above his head is impressive but he’s absolutely puny when it comes to leg presses of about 60kgs. (My leg presses are now done using 120kg weights. I do them 8-12 times.)

Actually, I hate you more.

As most of you know (actually it should be should know) is that I generally dislike people. The ones that I like are either related to me (even then, I may hate you, just not that much) or have unwittingly allowed their soon to be sorry selves to call me a friend. But I reserve special spite for the Middle-Easterners. Yes, I know this may stir up some controversy. Heck, I might even get thrown into some jail without any sunlight for the next 60 days. Yes, I know that not all Middle-Easterners are greedy, rude, ignoramuses. But what the heck, I hate them! The ones that go to my gym think themselves as gods, or worse, the second coming of Governator Arnold.

We’re all vain. Serious!

What do people who go to the gym have in common besides smelling like horses after working out for 5 minutes? We’re all vain buggers. Yes, you heard me right, please don’t throw that dumbbell. Hear me out first, will you? All right. Why would anyone want to spend their time in a gym, sweat with a hundred other people and then exposing your bum in the locker room? Why would you want to potentially cause great embarrassment to yourself by picking up weights and then dropping them on your toes? Why do people get on the treadmill with their arms flailing all over the place? I’ll tell you why:

We’re narcissistic, vainglorious and we’d like to wear that nice shirt to the wedding of our best mate who’s gone to seed. Actually, we’re shy people with low self-esteem so we’re compensating. Ha, take that Mr. Horrendous!

I think I better stop lest I get a show cause letter, or worse, my blog gets banned for causing inflammatory remarks. After all, no one likes to be called Horrendous, right?

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Kudos to Liverpool for finally beating Manchester United, though, I must say that Man United actually helped your cause, so…..PFFFFFFFFT! Ryan Giggs, you make me sad. And so do you, the current power mongers of my country.

I'm Framing Armageddon

Actually, I'm not.

It's the title of a song I'm currently playing every chance I get. It just screams metal.

Work is boring; same ole, same ole. I go in, clock in my times and I'm outta there. It's wonderful. Really.

I shall leave you now, but I'll be back next week with something.

I hope.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Google's Chrome is badass!

Actually, I'm sexier. No joke!

Firstly:

• Water polo is a sport for people who couldn't hack it for the swimming team. And the actual polo team.
• Handball is a game for people who couldn't hack it for the football team, the basketball team and even the knitting team didn't want them because they kept throwing the needles at peoples' faces.

All right, we now come to a few things that I find to be pretty entertaining, to say the least.

Avril Lavigne had a concert here in Punksia Malaysia. Yes, that skater-punk-wannabe midget and her fellow punkmates will unleash their brand of sleep therapy noise on the masses. First thoughts that come to mind are:

• Rubbish music. (Okay, okay! I admit, I did kind of dug her earlier stuff...eeks!)
• Abuses the eyeliner and black paint. Give her tarmac juice and she'll probably use it.
• Is about as punk as The Jonas Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants Brothers.
• Has a sweet smile courtesy of lockjaw.

What did you say Mr. Close-Minded yob? You would add Sexy to the list? That's it, put down the crack pipe, NOW! Never, ever, has the word Sexy been used so wantonly and so wrongly. To call her Sexy would be a travesty to the likes of Monica Bellucci, Rachel Weisz, Angelina Jolie and other gorgeous--more deserving--women out there.

You want sexy? How's about I shows you me legs? It's got nice hairs on it, too. Not too sure about the smell, though.

Recently, a northern state of Malaysia, declared that rock, reggae, pop and dangdut (Malay version of folk music without banjos but equally detestable) music concerts to be banned because they promote the Devil and his hellish brand of tunes. We all know what this means: the aforementioned genres would lead to killings of innocent cows. And a few chickens. I guess they should ban cigarettes, oh, wait a minute! I forget, their leaders smoke, too! I guess smoking doesn't encourage the people to rock out to some good ole reggae, aye? Nevermind the bad breath and bad teeth, we'll just ban pop and the dangdut because they're bad. Cancer? Bah, cancer's for old and ugly people! Long live pipe music!

As with the rest of the world, Malaysia is also down in the dumps from multiple crises. Politically, it's about as clean as my nose. When it's all runny and gooey. Then there's the economy which is not doing too good either. People have been forced to cut down on a lot of things and luxuries. An old man wishes that the price of rice be lowered. It's quite saddening, really. (Takes another bite off a fondant). Hmm? What's that? You've got 12 children and you earn RM400 per month??? You stupid, horny mafaka. How do you expect me and other like-minded assholes to pity you when you have 13 bloodsuckers (the wife included) to feed? You brought this onto sorry yourself. You're better off buying condoms.

Now for some international flava: I found this to be rather holy funny as it involves some gambler Good Christian from New York. (I punned wholly as holy, get it? he he.) Anyway, this guy bought a lottery ticket (read: gambling is bad for your soul!) and won $3 million bucks. The thing that made me burst out laughing is this quote from the pastor:

"This was why God put the ticket in his hands."

Would you like a slice of ham with that $3 million bucks you're most likely to use it to cover up yet another damn scandal? God bless them all. Really.

Phew, I think that's enough venom for one post. Time for some rock and rice!

Happy 51st Birthday, Malaysia.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: If wanted to watch volleyball, I wouldn't have watched you. Shame on you, Scholes!

Burnouts shouldn’t feel this good. Screw that, it friggin' sucks!

I tried to write something profound but my back’s hurting and I’m hungry. So here’s my week in point form:

1. Been feeling awfully tired and sore lately. So much so I’ve been napping every time I get back home (thank goodness for the early shift). Not good, considering I’m supposed to be this strong and fit dude. Damn.
2. Ah, work…what more can I say? I’ve pretty much settled into a routine that is starting to drain me, mentally most especially. It’s time to reassess the situation.
3. I think may have pulled a muscle in my lower back: squatting or bending down to be a rather painful task. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt pain in my lower back and I really don’t want a repeat performance. It ain’t nice at all to be on the bed whilst being in a lot pain. Ugh.
4. Laptop’s now pretty much screwed up. There’s a virus that is blocking all the more important works i.e. software updates, websites not loading properly, it’s slows down considerably if I run too many applications. Damnit! Thank goodness I’m planning to get a new desktop next year otherwise I’d be totally pissed.
5. The Olympics have been a fairly sedated affair, to be perfectly frank. Aside from athletics and the absolutely thunderous Usain Bolt (pun so intended), there wasn’t anything else that caught my attention (except for sports where women were involved *winky* *wink*). “What? You’re not impressed with Michael Phelp’s achievement?” Actually, I’m not at all. It’s just swimming after all. You don’t see badminton players winning the gold medal for the fastest smash, right? I’m more impressed with his diet, though. Chocolate chip pancakes, anyone?
6. Football is back but I’m not excited. At all. Manchester United fans will know what I’m talking about.

That’s that, I guess. My blog has now morphed one of those What I Did Today kind of blogs. I hate that. I miss taking a topic and giving it my personal spin. But with so many things going in my life, it’s been difficult trying to come up with the appropriate words for my increasingly eccentric thoughts.

I wish you all a very good week ahead. I hope mine will.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I so need a holiday.

I'm the human version of Wall-E. Really!

I absolutely adore this cartoon/animation/animated feature/movie.

It has been a long, long time since I came out from the theater feeling utterly impressed with a movie. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a lil. The Dark Knight left me feeling wholly satisfied but not in that feel-good way that Wall-E brought to me. Heath Ledger, you were absolutely amazing and may you Rest In Peace.

The things the little blighther did for EVE (his love interest) reminded me of me when I've fallen head over heels over someone. The sheer determination to win her heart, or in this case, her CPU (WTF?), actually made me chuckle and laugh out loud. And as many of you know, I take my movie-watching very seriously of almost to the point of not expressing anything either than total concentration and maybe a slight smile.

The people behind the movie deserve a big round of applause because they made a robot feel like one of us. In some ways, it took a robot to make realise that you only live life once. I won't go into detail as I want you to watch this because it thoroughly deserves the praise.

As for me, I'm going to make my mind up. Wish me luck, people!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: It was great watching with you lovely people! You know who you are. ;-)