Of revelations and apparent dorkiness

It was an evening of miscommunication and forgetfulness. It started off all right, my friend—let’s call him Tall Dude—said he could be there early. He wasn’t. When asked where the other friend is, Tall Dude lets loose a choked laugh so loud it was actually heard by a school of one-eyed fish off the Straits of Malacca. Other friend turned out to be in another shopping mall. Whee. Yet another friend, Noraa, is on his way so there was no reason whatsoever we could miss him. So Tall Dude SMSes other shopping mall friend, Rowan, that we’ll be in Coffee Bean. Unfortunately Tall Dude forgot to say which shopping mall. Another round of apologies and I’ll-pay-for-your-frap later, 5 guys (I came with a friend, Irwin) finally got together and had a chat. From our proposed meeting of 7.30 p.m. I checked my watch and saw that it was 8.30 p.m.

And if you women are still wondering whether or not us males gossip, I solemnly swear that yes, we do gossip. It’s just that we tend to call it “topics for conversations that might leave us shocked, surprised, disgusted, happy, angry or whatever”. So imagine the shock and disbelief on the faces of the 4 other guys when Noraa said that one of our old college buddies—let’s call him Fish Head—is actually a womaniser. Or to pimp it further, Playah. This is the same guy that collects life-size Transformers toys that have to be shipped back to Malaysia from Hong Kong because his suitcase couldn’t fit. But then again his suitcase was already filled with smaller Transformers toys to begin with. Oh, and he already has a girlfriend back in his hometown. They’ve been together for 2 years now if I remember correctly. Funny how time makes the balls hornier.

We then started to dissect the information. How could this still immature, imbecilic and not very handsome (like the 5 of us resembled Adonis) punk could end up getting more action than most guys. After a lengthy discussion where I snorted my drink twice in a row, and many curses later, we came to the conclusion that he is one Big-time Fucker. Not so much of the fact that he is able to pick up girls, but rather the fact that girls actually think he’s worth the effort. To further boil our innards he goes after the young ones, 18 to 19. These young and naïve girls are idolising him! This punk who got so drunk at my birthday party I had to drag his ass to the toilet otherwise he would have peed on the pavement with his pants on. I may not look like much but at least my dorkiness isn’t as apparent as Fish Head’s. Is this a case of “some guys have all the luck” or have girls around the world find immaturity and childishness a turn-on?

At one birthday party held on the same week, there were some interesting revelations. Again the subject of banging the hot chick came about. Of course I couldn’t relate to them so I just smiled and dropped a comment or two. Most of the guys there were talking about how horny some chicks were or that one chick actually thought that they were the Messiahs of Pleasurable Intercourse. And there I was thinking about which book I was going to read later when I get back. Life can be pretty funny at times.

I am a one woman kind of guy. I expect the same from my future partner. My loyalty towards her is the one thing I can safely guarantee (but then again, if Jessica Alba were to ask me to dump her I’d do it. Tee hee. ). Personally I think that it’s okay to flirt albeit mildly when you’re in a relationship. Heck I wouldn’t even mind if she hangs out with some of my guy friends. I just need to know who the bugger is and all other necessary details (but then again I might just go ballistic and murder my friend, I’ll let you guys know when that time comes). I’ve said once and I’ve said it a million times, a relationship is about trust, respect, communication and love. Without them it is merely to get into each other’s pants.

I may be too straight. I may even be considered a monk (minus the colourful prayer beads). You can call me old-fashioned and prudent but I’ll take that any time. I don’t mind. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to finish reading a very informative book. It’s entitled “How to Pick Up Girls Using Transformers”.

Chris is signing off. For now…

PS: Fish Head, if you’re reading this, no offence dude. I still love you. But damnit, you’re one fucking asshole.