The Chris Reviews

This year’s rock scene is pretty much boring. In terms of new bands that is. In its place however the world bore witness to the emergence of the Men Who Sound Like Women Only Much, Much Worse. Ever since Coldplay emerged with their “it is okay to sing like a lugubrious tit with highly depressing lyrics” together with their piano driven drivel, it seems that being a loser can make you an instant champion in the hearts of the similarly maudlin. Then came the likes of Jason Mraz, Daniel Powter, and Bo Bice who play sappy one-hit wonders and are now nowhere to be seen. But no-one comes close to the champion of the sad people, James Blunt. I swear if I hear You’re Beautiful again I’m going to bash my head with a guitar and use the strings to strangle myself. Which is why I decided to check out 3 of the best bands ever to walk this green Earth and their latest offerings.

Here is Chris’s Rockin’ Reviews:

Audioslave – Revelations

When I first heard that they’re going to release a new album I was like, didn’t the new come out already? Blimey, I was stuck in the past for this year is 2006! Forgetfulness aside, Audioslave delivers a much worthy follow up to their eponymous sophomore effort. The best way to describe this album is mature. The first two albums didn’t have the longevity or the staying power. I’ll listen to their albums day after day and in an instant I’ll put it down and never listen to it again. However this album doesn’t fall into that category. It’s certainly their strongest and most political to date. They’ve also turned up the funk on this, all the way to 11. At times it’s like 70’s funk but with much heavier rock riffs something the anathema entity that is Red Hot Chilli Peppers can’t seem to achieve (I blame the singer of theirs). The lyrics are scathing and the delivery just as harsh as they slam Bush for the war and the lack of help when Katrina struck New Orleans. Two word review: Highly recommended.

Iron Maiden – A Matter of Life and Death

I am not a Maiden fan. While these English blokes have influenced every single frickin’ metal and rock band there is, I never became a fan. I like most of their “hits” but I didn’t really consider getting their back catalogue. Their comeback album so to speak, Brave New World, churned out the crowd favourite, The Wicker Man. While the album was good at first, its initial delivery was quite boring. I got so bored with it I gave it away to my friend (you know who you are!). The follow up was Dance of Death. I didn’t even bother downloading it. So what made me even buy this? Aside from the fact that I had heard neither the single nor the other songs, it was the fact that it was priced low that I bought it. You can call it on a whim basically. So how does this album fare? In one word: Brilliant. I have to admit that it took repeated listens before I fully appreciated it. The guitars are as melodic as ever while the solos still blistering and Steve Harris’s basslines are still annoying. Bruce Dickinson still doesn’t know the meaning of mediocre and delivers yet another vocal masterpiece though they are parts where he sounds like he’s struggling. Three word review: Up the Irons!

Tool – 10,000 Days

This album is moody. One minute it is pensive the next it goes for the jugular. It has all the ingredients to drive anyone insane upon first listening to it. Tool is a band that doesn’t understand the word, easy. Instead you get an aural assault of the senses. Your brain can’t process anything else besides the music. The words drive into your skull like a lobotomy performed by a mad doctor. The only bad thing about this record is ironically the fact that it’s a Tool album. It’s that good. Some bands go through transitions. Some transcend. Tool is one of those rare bands. Critics may throw brickbats and try to say that Tool is merely “noise”, but I’ll show them the middle finger and walk off. Tool is by no means an easy band to get into but the rewards at the end makes it all worth while. One word review: Ohmylord.

And as a bonus:

Marc Antoine – Urban Gypsy

My Marc Antoine collection is now complete. I have all of his albums at last. 7 great works from a great guitarist. To me, the best description Antoine’s music was perfectly conveyed by famed saxophonist Chris Botti who said that Antoine’s music goes straight to the heart. He gets really technical only when the music requires it. I rarely listen to an album in its entire run. I tend to skip with most albums because I don’t want to get tired of it. But with Antoine albums I don’t have to do so. That’s the hallmark of an excellent musician. Few words review: Absolutely wonderful that even my sister likes him.

And there you have it. My 2 cents on this year’s rock and metal offerings. I know that it’s been a while since I’ve written something heavy and topical. I’ve a few partially written pieces but I just can’t seem to finish them. Is this some kind of blogger’s block? I for one hope it’s not extended any further. I do have fans to please! Till then, keep rockin’ people!

Chris is signing off. For now…

PS: The Audioslave review is for my good friend Fill, Maiden is for my running sifu Eirza, Tool is for all you beautiful people and Antoine is for Irwin, who has helped me burn holes in my wallet.