The only time a guy is fine with seeing another guy’s nekkid bottom is in the locker room of the gym. I can see the crack of a smile on your face. Pardon the pun. Thank you.
Anyhow, I’ve been going to the gym for almost a month and half. I feel and look good. I keep telling myself that because no one does. I wonder why. I go to the gym every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Or more easily known as The Entire Damn Week ‘cept on Wednesdays. It sounds excessive. It is. But I’ll tell you why I do it. Because I want to, and theoretically speaking, I pay about RM11 for every one of them 4 days. So far, I’ve only used the machines and the weights. I haven’t used the spa or have partaken in any of the classes. I’d love to join the yoga ones, though. Very flexible the women are, and their outfits seem awfully tight. Hmm.
The parsimony is strong in me, I know.
A typical 1-hour-or-so workout session:
First 10 minutes: Treadmill. I would normally scan my surroundings while jogging at about 10km/h for any pretty lass and at the same time trying to not fall on my face. Burns loads of calories, it does.
Next 5 minutes: Some machine that supposedly tones your thighs. It makes me look I’m giving birth to an elephant.
Short break: It’s “Strike a pose whenever mirror is in view” time!
Next 5 minutes: Another machine with strange handles designed to sculpt your shoulders without the need for 80’s shoulder pads. Its seat is normally warm at this point. People have warm bottoms. Hmm…
Next 5 minutes (what’s with 5 minutes?): I would probably be gasping for air now.
Next whatever minutes: I’d finally go up to the weights section. Over here I do a couple exercises where the emphasis is not on working out, but rather, trying to not embarrass myself. For instance: not dropping the bench press bar on me. Or someone’s toes.
Last minute or so: I do a few stretches, stalk a couple of cute girls and then leave.
For those with better math, you would have noticed that it all doesn’t add up to an hour.
If you’ve been as regular as I, you will notice the other, um, regulars. First up, there’s Dork, who for some strange reason, wants to challenge me. Of all people, he had to pick me. Compared to the trainers, I am but a clown fish swimming in a school of barracudas. But whence compared to me, Dork is nothing more than fish fry.
Next we arrive at Ms. Gawddamn Cute. I swear, I nearly dropped the weights I was at when she passed by. But I haven’t seen her lately, could be because I’ve changed my time. Or she’s stopped coming altogether. I think I creeped her out.
Finally, we come to my favourite: The Clothes Hanger Man. He struts with about as much grace as a hyena eating with a knife with no fork. He keeps doing the same exercises over and over again. And over again. While I’m one to talk about muscle definition (I have nothing), the dude is pretty small considering he pumps weights twice mine. More power to him, though. Whoopee.
So that’s that. I’ve always maintained that to workout effectively and consistently, you must firstly be dedicated and have the discipline of a bald monk with nice trousers. Working out is for yourself.
Happy exercising, people!
This is Chris, signing off.
PS: No gay men were hurt in the writing process of this piece.
5 comments:
This is got to be the first blog entry today that put a smile on my face. It's good to know that you are taking the initiative to working out. I am not going to the gym myself, but I am jogging around my apartment compound several times a week. My pants are looser, which is a good thing I guess. =P
When you come to Singapore, flex your muscles for us ladies (and probably some guys, though I don't think your post script would be true anymore if that were the case), yes? =P
id: Actually, I've been working out for almost 4 years now. (Couldn't you tell by my frame? No? Hmm? :( ... :P)
It's just that since I now have a salaried job, I can now enrol myself in a gym. I used to jog around my neighbourhood almost every day but I haven't done so in the last, oh, 5 months since I've started working. I love the treadmill, but there's nothing like jogging on the tarmac, avoiding moronic motorcyclists and getting odd stares from old women with no teeth.
PS: Singaporean guys are rather built themselves. They still look helluva ugly, though!
I've been told that the gym is really just an excuse to check other people out, but I never wanted to believe it. I guess I'm so naive that I always thought that people dedicated enough to go to a gym actually want to work out.
I don't think, no matter what the incentive, I would ever have the self-discipline to work out that regualarly. So whyever you're doing it, wow.
Lia: I do check the females out. But most of the time they'll run away thinking I'm gonna do something to their headband.
And, Thank You.
Hey Christo, I wasn't able to access the comments on your most recent post about Duffy. Was that deliberate? Either way, thanks for the music recommendation! =) I need something new to listen to anyway!
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