C’mon y’all! Let us be votin’! For nothin’!

There’s a strong profundity in the air. It smells vaguely like lies. This is, of course, only natural when the general election is around the corner. A very sharp corner, if I may add.

Malaysians have a very emphatic, often bordering on the inane outlook when it comes to the elections.

I am not one of them.

Make no mistake about my insouciance; it’s not that I don’t care at all, I just could not give a shit whatsoever. Not right now, anyway. I’ve got facials to go to. But seriously, this would be the first election that I will “miss” and it will certainly continue well into my later years. You see, I was brought up to respect people, to treat them as equals. Politicians treating people fairly is like asking a lion to treat a young gazelle with a bit more care. Maybe it could gently pat its tiny head before ripping it to burger-sized young gazelle. Yum.

Promises and politicians go hand in hand like butter on margarine. Let’s take a look at Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Both are excellent orators. Both seem genuine. Both are minority of sorts (Barrack’s black and Hillary’s a woman, in case you’ve stuck your head under a rock in Timbuktu). Both are salespeople of the highest order. This is something none of the politicians here in Malaysia have:

The ability to charm the Victoria’s Secret undies off you.

They can talk, all right, but can they convince? Can they convince me, an irascible poser of a strapping young lad, that what they say is nothing but the absolute truth? I’ve watched lots of Law & Order so I think I have a pretty good radar for detecting liars. Maybe our politicians should Youtube the American presidential elections. They could do with a bit more improvement. Especially in the clothing department. I’m sure the pantsuit will ignite the inner pantsuit-wearing makcik’s senses.

The newspapers have nothing but elections, elections and sometimes erections of a non-sexual nature, in their daily content. This has been going on for the last two weeks or so. What happened to good ole cops and robbers? Or some poor kid, who after repeatedly told to not play with matches, burns down not only his house, but also his friend’s house and a few more neighbours within the vicinity of his stupidity. And my personal favourite: a “boyfriend” who was so nice to a girl, bought her nice things and all, and has decided to circulate naughty naughty pictures of them eating ice-cream with nothing more than the wrapper on the World Wide Sordid Web.

Everyone knows the current majority will win. The opposition know it. Even my grandmother knows it. Yours might, too. But it has to be said that this year’s elections has a different atmosphere from previous outings. It’s hard to explain exactly what it is but I’ll try to make it as simple as possible. The people are no longer stupid (some are still stupider than germ, but, hey, no one’s perfect, right?), and they want results. Real, tangible results. They’re tired of the same speech about bringing equality to all. They want it realised.

As for me, I have a facial to go to. All this election talk is making my face tight around the cheeks.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Vote wisely, people. Don’t vote for someone who promises the stars but ends up getting you Starbucks. (Horrible joke, I know! Bleh!)