If men had periods…

1. Burping would be made a national sport. The Olympics will never be the same again.
2. We’ll try to ignite our farts.
3. Everything would taste like chicken.
4. If we’re depressed we’ll drink tea. And eat popcorn. Then burgers. Potato chips. Then some more tea.
5. Nothing in the world—not even an apocalyptic raid of demons—can make us stop watching the World Cup.
6. The entire period of the World Cup will be made a holiday.
7. Road rage? Nah, it’ll be Armageddon for that punk who cut in front of us.
8. We’ll ban women drivers. All of them. Even our Mothers.
9. We’ll get into a brawl every time someone pokes fun at us. And don’t ever mess with our Mothers.
10. We’ll go on an electronic spree which means new TV, DVD player, MP3 player, speaker system, etc.
11. We’ll laugh during horror flicks.
12. We’ll play Counterstrike until we can’t get up just to settle a dispute over who can kill the fastest using a butter knife.
13. We think that saying “chicken breast” is funny.
14. We’ll turn up at work wearing our favourite sports attire and proclaim that work sucks and we’re going home at 5 to walk the dog (or cat).
15. We’ll watch reruns of Baywatch all day. Particularly for the bouncy life saver’s…beach balls.
16. We’ll weep to Celine Dion songs…
17. …and when we finally realise it, we’ll weep because we’re actually listening to Celine Dion.
18. We’ll whine about the weather report being too dramatic.
19. We’ll arm wrestle all day.
20. Never, ever, say that we have man-period. It'll probably be the last thing you say...

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: The author chose to write this under the influence of heavy-duty painkillers which resulted in a distinct lack of humour in his system. He currently does not suffer from any form of man-period.

Maybe next week.