I won't lie to you. I'm a really nice person once you get to know me.
All right, all right, another lie but a soft one.
I'm not a totally honest person. There have been times when my frankness in some situations have let me down, I admit. I can be brutally honest when it comes to criticising certain things, people's way of going about their business, people's parking skills ("WTF! Argh! C'mon, asshole, I need to pee!), people's way of doing their work ("WTF! I told him to stop the system not kill it!").
At work, it's better to be upfront right from the get-go when you've erred so that it can be rectified soon without it descending into a potential bureaucratic nightmare more so if you've got a lead that kowtows at every damn whimsical request. But when the matter is close to heart they are tougher because it involves emotions that if you were to let it loose in the boardroom might cost you that pair of Bally shoes you've been eyeing.
It kills me every bloody time someone says they are the most honest person yet when honesty comes by their way they'll get into defensive mode and start the pointing accusatory finger you of being unfair, like you've stolen their teddybear away, threatening to disembowel it of its cotton insides. This are insecure individuals that masquerade behind their persona of no-nonsense when their sense if full of non. Yes, if you can decipher what I've just said then you are definitely brighter than me.
I appreciate honesty, I really do. It's good to know your mistakes or how you've been to others as it will improve relations and makes one a better person. But if the honest remark is borne out of something you have a personal vendetta against and you tell me you don't like it? Shove it. Shove it where the sun doesn't shine and if still does it, shove it some more. There comes a time when shutting your mouth is the best possible thing you could do.
Sometimes lying is the best form of honesty.
P.S. It'd be darn great if you could read people's faces and their body language just like how Tim Roth does it in Lie to Me. It sure is a useful talent when playing poker, that's for sure. Po-po-po-ker face, anyone?
P.P.S Upon completion of this post I realised that this can be related to Wikileaks. The same as above applies. It's just better to not know.
2 comments:
To be honest, the general Asian culture is known for pussyfooting around issues of the heart (and business), and there is a certain technique (or "politics", if you like) in order to get around the hedges.
Like you, I am also quite an honest person. I have also bumped heads with insecure and overly sensitive character who think that a honest remark is equal to being overly aggressive or bitchy. (In fact, I remember being in a place where being assertive was culturally seen as "unseemly" for a woman.. but I don't plan to launch into that rant, for the sake of my blood pressure.)
But over the last year or so, I learnt these characters lurk everywhere, parading themselves and put up a shield of defensiveness when you want to do them a favour and be honest. Yes, you sometimes have to humour them, tickle their chins, and make baby noises while you're mentally rolling your eyes. But I deal.
For me, I realise that I am much closer to people who I can be honest with, and who can be honest with me. I remember reading somewhere that a mere friend will agree, but a real friend will argue. But for those who I have to tip-toe around honesty, I'll still be civil and friendly, but.. yeah, you know how this sentence ends.
May I add, though, that in terms of honesty, there is a way on how to say it. If people say something too brashly, I also find it dishonest, but there is an inner motive to deliberately offend. Some people are just tactless, because that's what they equate with honesty, which, of course, is a fallacy. Those who can be honest and be execute their remarks with a modicum of class are people I admire.
Hi Maria,
You are absolutely right about us Asians and how we skirt around things.
I get when you say that you to deal with supposed "strong" characters with primadonna attitudes but possess a spine made of jelly. But if they are of use, then, I guess it's not such a bad thing if you use what they're worth for. Just don't tell them and things will be dandy.
And your last paragraph gets two thumbs up because that's the truth.
Honestly. :)
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