The biggest loosah will be BIG.

Watching TV these days is a tedious affair. Shows of yesteryear were witty without trying hard, edgy but still conservative enough so that your parents and you can watch through an uncomfortable scene together, but most importantly, they were good simply because they were done with real passion. Now shows just want to hit you with wave after wave of in-your-face skits where you'll gasp, close your mouth, say OMG a bazillion times, then nod your head in utter agreement.

"Reality" shows are in a lone category; it's called scripted (hence the cleverly-placed quotes). In the beginning it probably would've been real but now not so. Things are predictable, you just know things will pan out a certain way; the vampy skank will sleep with the good boy who will then feel guilty and tell his girlfriend, break-up ensues = more drama OMG!

There won't be any vampy skanks or naive good boys in this show, though. No, you're going to get lots of skin. But not the kind you think you know. Or that kind. Or want to think. The Biggest Loser Asia (The B.L.A) has just kicked off its second season with a big splash (caused by a single person, I kid you not) by being bigger (I'm on a roll!) and smarter than before. So what's my verdict? After watching just half of the show (I wanted to watch something else*) I reckon I have a fairly good idea of the tone for this season. I will try to recap what I saw, I can't promise verbatim but I'll give you the gist of it. You know, the big picture.

The start of the show sees the trainers, a fit as heck Aussie chick and a horse jockey (what, he's pretty darn slim and slender), who will be screening potential Losers. They visit 5 South-East Asian countries and screen various people of varied shapes and sizes (nope, not going to make this even remotely witty). Part of the screening involved getting to know the people, much like American Idol without the clinically insane. What I don't get is the Aussie trainer's predilection for asking potential contestants to do jump squats. She does know that people of a portly disposition will exert more pressure on their spine by doing such exercises?

The people who attended were rather mild mannered, and frankly, have characteristics of a sausage. There's this guy from Jakarta who says whenever I put my mind on something, I will make it happen. Funny, still fat. A black woman who came via Hong Kong blames (more or less) her dead brother for her weight gain while a Thai woman said some things but there was too much tom yam in the mix speech. The Singaporeans have rather strong Singaporean accents (that's just the Chinese, the rest have it stronger) but as usual fall flat with textbook kiasu personalities (yeah, Malaysia vs Singapore proudness still alive, yo!).

16 hopefuls were chosen and here we go. The contestants were made to perform their first challenge immediately after arriving at their base of operations. Guess who made a fuss first? A Malaysian, naturally (!). But who will be their host, their own Ryan Seacrest, the person that will be their bridge to the outside. We have been graced by the one and only Marion "Look at me I'm just as epileptic as Giuliana Rancic" Caunter. I swear, her movements are a carbon-copy of Giuliana's, right down to the E.T. smile and seizure-like gestures. She is an imitator; not a single presentation skill of hers feels natural. And instead of wearing a track suit to support the contestants, she wears a shoulderless dress that really smacks the faces of the people running about.

I wonder why some of these say they have the willpower of giants yet are dwarfed when faced with a 5lbs pink dumbbbell. I used to be a chubster myself. I was the fat guy in the group. Incessant teasing about weight was dished out (see, I pun when I don't even realise it) constantly to my face. I hurt. I never wanted to be out of breath after running a minute or be rejected because I wear 38-inch trousers. But I've turned my body the other way round all by myself. I guess some people need more motivation than others. The show has me divided: on one hand, I commend and salute the contestants for braving themselves and baring their all to the world. I am not a fan of the methods employed, though; tough love and brutal exercises don't gel with me. 

The keys to losing weight: diet, exercise and, most important of all, discipline. All must be adhered to otherwise you will fall by wayside. Stop thinking that just one slice of cake, another glass of Coke and you're on the treadmill the next will be enough because it isn't. You are cheating yourself. When you cheat yourself, then you deserve to be in the rut you put yourself in. Once you've schooled yourself properly then you can allow yourself the occasional pancake slathered with jam. I can understand the hopefulness of this show. It really does want to help people. Anyone who wants to lead a healthy lifestyle gets a good pat on the back from me.

Pass me another biscuit, please. I'm famished...

Joking!

This is Chris, signing off. 

* - Chelsea LOST!!!

P.S. All the best to the contestants. I really do wish them good luck. Marion, please, please, please stop aping Giuliana. You are tremendously terrible.