You know English ah?

I am a Banana. No, not the sexual connotation version of it and certainly not from the appalling song by Gwen Stefani but rather, i'm a Chinese dude who can't speak the language. I know most of the foul words(thanks guys!) and i know enough to order char kuey teow and not wanting the icky cockles. More than that, i can grasp words here and there. I was brought up by Yankee and British tv. I read Enid Blyton with a passion. I even developed an American accent from watching Sesame Street and comedies so much so that people thought i was actually from America.

Since i grew up at a place where people who don't know the area at all and who tend to think that its somewhere in between there and nowhere, my command of the national language far surpassed that of my mother tongue. Heck, the biggest praise i got was from the "apam balik" couple who said i sounded exactly like a Malay. With very slitty eyes.

Back in the days of my innocence, i was afraid to go to any Chinese restaurants for fear of being chased out because i certainly would've mispronounced crab (for those who don't know, crab in Chinese is very similar to a certain part of the female anatomy. And it ain't the armpits). There were some nice people who talked to me in either Malay or English but there were also those who gave me dirty looks because of my inability to converse with them in Chinese. When i say, "Can i have the breast part?", they'll pull a blank face ala zombie nation but when i Chinafy the sentence, "Gimme da blest plat ya.Duwan da buntut", voila!

When i was younger, i used to feel stupid for not being able to understand the language. I've even blamed my parents right in front of them. But as i got older, i told myself, "So What?". I'm certainly not the only one who can't speak Chinese. So now, i no more dread going to chinese shops and restaurants. I'll try my best to order but if i can't then i'll switch to English and if worse transcends to worst, Malay. I'll even do sign language. Not even the language barrier is going to stop me from ordering chicken rice.

I remember a time when i used to like this Chinese girl. She was nice, pretty, sweet and i suspect that she liked me too. However, i realised that not only will the language hinder communication greatly but also the way of thinking is just not compatible. She likes Jay Chou. I like Judas Priest. I want to watch Hotel Rwanda(great movie by the way), she wants to watch God of Cookery 3. I'd rather headbang my head off for her than serenade her the latest ballad. I'm not saying that i won't ever get together with a Chinese educated girl but the fact of the matter is that without even the basics, how the hell am i going to tell her that i love her?

I'm not going to blame my parents any more especially my dad, who is the main culprit actually, for not teaching me and my sisters Chinese as we were growing up. It's not too late for me to pick up the language anyway. In fact, i've noticed that there are more and more bananas now. And most of them are girls. Pretty ones too. Thank You, God.