Hypermarket Madness

Carrefour. Tesco. Giant. They're everyfrickin'where. What do these hypermarkets have in common besides funky names(Giant however sounds like a really cheap Kedai Runcit)? They're jam-packed with people from all walks of life wanting the best deal for a bar of soap. These places are also the best way to see how Malaysians are really like. The best way to describe a certain kind of hypermarketeer is simply to break them into groups as such:

Average (Joe,Jane,Mat,Siti,Muthu,Kumari,Lai Lai,Ah Fatt)
The most common of the lot. Anything and everything average applies to them; the time they take to decide which detergent they want, time it takes for them to pay, time for them to put the goods into the car... Well, you get the picture.

The Jostler
The most violent of the lot. They'll barrel their way thru the crowd like a mad bull whose behind has been poked with a hot poker. Before you can grab that last packet of Maggi Mee they'll push you aside, they'll chuck the loot into their trolley and continue on their war path. And they're the most likely to cut lines especially during peak period. Best avoided at all costs unless you want battle scars.

The Deranged Trolley Pusher
Trolleys are like cars. You have to steer them, manouver them properly around people. If it weren't for the din that it creates, the trolley in the hands of this nutter is a lethal weapon.

The Scrutinizer
This hypermarketeer doesn't actually directly annoy or irritate you in any form but sometimes you wonder, just take the damn toilet paper already!

The Bulbous Monstrosity
No matter how you try to manouver yourself, you still end up being flattened because you've been squeezed silly by this shopper just when you saw that tiny gap and you thought you could get pass.

I on other hand am a Take 'N' Go Pay hypermarketeer. I take what's needed and i pay the amount due and i'll get the hell out from the place.

So what hypermarketeer are you?

Chris signing off...

PS: Jaya Jusco's supermarket rocks cos of Siti Nurhaliza. She nice.

I like 7

I was actually in the midst of coming up with "Things That Will Make You Go Huh and Buh: The Secrets of Chris Revealed" but thanks be to Syar and Nadia who came up with this cool thingy and I thought, what the heck, let's do this instead.

Before I gloriously die, I plan to...

1. Settle down with the woman willing to spend her remaining days wishing she didn't have to, make some Chris Jrs and Little Miss Christines and own a really BIG and EXPENSIVE car.
2. Experience life as much as I can. Which includes me working in some foreign country and wishing I was eating nasi lemak instead of stinky French cheese that has blue markings to denote its profound stinkyness.
3. Travel as much as I can. No tour groups for me, I want to experience people's country and lives without an overweight tour guide with a scraggly beard and moustache telling me about the local cuisine.
4. At least see Dream Theater, Metallica (they may suck tremendous amounts of donkey ass now but without them I wouldn't be the metalhead I am today), Slayer or even Audioslave in concert.
5. Make an impact on society. I don't know how exactly I am going to accomplish this but I do hope I leave something for my children and their children to talk about.
6. Find and hold a job I truly enjoy. "Because I don't want to wake up one morning with the sudden urge to blow my brains out." (Completely borrowed from Nadia since it's so good I couldn't change it)
7. Meet the people on my list who I haven't already done so. Don't worry, I don't bite.

I can...

1. Curse, drive, drink, look out for cute girls, adjust hair: ALL at the same time.
2. Burp on command.
3. Headbang, read/study/write and air guitar/drum: ALL at the same time.
4. Admit it when I'm in the wrong.
5. Go on and on and on and on and making people's lives more unpleasent by coming up with cryptic analogies and sentences that should be called paragraphs.
6. Devour a Whopper in under 1 minute. That's like downing 2 Big Macs. My stomach then rebels thus sets me in the privy for the next half hour or so as revenge.
7. Make people laugh with my wit, my lack of self-efficacy, and my sometimes cute face that resembles a Pillsbury dough boy.

I can't...

1. Shut up before it's too late.
2. Write simple and staightforward. I will beat about the goddamn bush 'till there's not a single leaf left.
3. Drive at night properly. And if it's raining, get ready to tell me the traffic condition. It may get a bit rough.
4. Look people in the eye. I'm afraid I might get crossed eyed.
5. Dance to save myself.
6. Watch horror movies and not laugh and be scared out of my wits at the same time.
7. Let incompetence lead me on in anything that I do, or worse, people who can't admit it when they're wrong. Especially men, to me if they don't then their a bunch of pansies.

Say most...

1. Rubbish
2. Bugger
3. Macha!
4. Dude!
5. Cool
6. What the heck/hell
7. Shit

Attract me to someone...

1. Being completely herself, for I do not want a girl who at first seems all genuine and is my kind of girl, only to turn out she's ditzy, self-centred and worse, is a fan of Britney Spears.
2. Likes music for what it is and knows the difference between real rock and pure garbage.
3. Looks. Anyone who says looks are not important is either blind or is just trying to sound sensitive. While I know I may never be able to date a model, but I do hope to meet a girl with beautiful, souflul eyes, lips that demand to be serviced, and hair that whence is flipped is able to whoop me across the floor.
4. A girl who knows what she wants.
5. Knows that I will always be there with her and vice versa. But, um, she may have to fork out petrol money. Expensive wor.
6. Is able to stand my quirks and thoughts about many things in life. I'll forgive her for calling Good Charlotte "Good rock" if she accepts my love for metal. And Norah Jones. Ooooo.
7. Is able to take my jokes and turn it around and making it funnier.

Celebrity crushes (This list is in order. You'll know why.)...

1. Kristin Kreuk - THANK YOU GOD. She's so beautiful, that everytime I have notty thoughts about her I immediately hit my head for such a creature of pulchritudinous shouldn't be treated like a mere vessel of pleasure. And those green eyes of hers just melts my soul.
2. Jessica Alba - From the first time I saw Dark Angel I was mesmerized. Not only does she exudes sexuality like an oozing chocolava pit, she manages to tickle my happy spots everytime I see her. And those lips, oh my.
3. Hannah Tan - Malaysia Boleh! As cliché and rather lame as it is, she goes to show that Malaysian chicks are a million miles better than Singaporean chicks. She's got one heck of a brainy mind (she can prolly teach me more about IT than my college ever can) and is an all round mighty fine package.
4. Angelina Jolie - Lips of wonder. Body of amazement. Eyes of steely determination and unquenchable sexual drive, and who could blame El Pitt for dumping that Aniston woman. She can raid my tomb anytime.
5. Rachel Weisz - Her American accent goes off tangent sometimes but that smile of hers makes me want to smack Keanu Reeves for getting to see her in a more intimate fashion.
6. Scarlett Johansson - She proves that curves and having a beautiful complexion is so much more appealing than looking like an anorexic milkmaid. And that husky voice is like butter on hot potato buns.
7. Evangeline Lilly - Beautiful. Just beautiful. When she cries, I feel like crying too. When she laughs, i'm over the clouds. She's one of those rare actors who can pull off emotions with such conviction. I'd so love to be Lost with her.

Honourable mentions go to Marg Helgenberger (CSI), Camelia (i've always liked her, *blushes*), Aishwarya Rai (bite me), Fergie from Black Eyed Peas who's possibly the sexiest and scariest woman alive.

So there you have it, things you may have known or suspected, all for your reading pleasure. Hope you all enjoyed it.

Chris signing off...

PS: Who would've thought I'd need almost 5 days to complete this...

Of pretty faces and meaty bodies...

Boys at the ages of 6 to 12 normally detest girls. Then suddenly, one (explicit and lurid) dream changes it all. And the fact that the bedsheet too needed a change marked the transition of detesting to desiring. I should know, I was one.

A good friend of mine who shall be known as FengTau recently told me that during the holidays that he didn't do anything remotely work related. No coding. No documentating his work. No research into his subject. And i went, "Hahaha. Same here dude." But what he told me next made me splutter my laughter fluid all over his car. it was "HAHAHAHA!". Notice the Caps Lock-ed laugh and the exclamation mark? it was THAT funny. The reason:

Me: I went down south to our neighbour and ate so much 'til I couldn't fit into my cargo pants and I ended up walking with a really uncomfortable feeling in my crotch area whilst looking at animals who were either sleeping or displaying their behinds. At me nonetheless.

FengTau: Guess what man(at this point he was smiling wider than a hippo's behind). Me now a playa. A mutha focker. A daddy with sugar. Bling bling chicky at me side. *and cue the very serious face* I got to kiss. Girls. Ah ha.

Me: Holy hell...

One month and a half of holidays and most of the time he spent it at clubs, gets to know a couple of girls(naive no doubt) and when one just happened to say that "I like you. Wor." He's now a bonafide lothario. This is coming from a guy who was more interested in just undressing girls mentally. But now is with no clothes on them preferably. What surprised me more was that he's actually going to go after yet another girl. And get this, the reason is because "She's quite pretty". I waited for a more in depth answer but i knew it wouldn't come.

It all boils down to the fact no matter how much we progress toward a more egalitarian environment, there will be some men who will always want the bimbo type, the pseudo peroxide chick with a super pushup bra, the stick thin and wafer-like bodied girls. One thing that irks me to no end is when they don't know how to differentiate between slightly meaty girls(read: girls who are nice to cuddle with because there's something to hang on to) and girls who simply just have too much meat. They'd call the poor slightly meaty girls straightaway as FAT simply because any girl with a slight tummy(and i mean even the slightest hint of a tummy too) is deemed as overweight.

As for me, I prefer my girls to have some meat. I find that it is more appealing to show off curves as opposed to the exact bone structure of a stick girl. Of course, even if the most perfectly proportioned and beautiful woman were to be attracted to me(a guy can always dream of such dreams...) but has the personality of a serpent waiting to devour its prey i'll stay away from her as far possible.

I believe having a partner is something that is to be cherished and not treated like a Sunday cone. You can call me old fashion, I don't care. At least I know my principles, beliefs and most importantly, my soul, aren't soiled with sinful acts.

Chris signing off...

PS: Stick girls do not be offended. Here, have a carrot.

Merdeka! Merdeka! Yam Cha*!

Raise your hand for those of you who TRULY embraces the spirit of our country's Independence Day? No-one? Add me to the list of no show of hands. Honestly, I've never been to a Merdeka celebration. Nor do I think I would participate in anytime soon. To me, it's just an excuse for many to go out, wave the flag lackadaisically and then down a pint or so of beer. That's how many view it, just another public holiday to blow away the hard earned money on booze and ciggies. Ask them where's their Merdeka spirit and they'd probably puke their dinner on you cos they're too drunk to say, "Huh? Merdeka ah?".

And who're these people? I'm referring to the people of today. The people of today who will one day take over this country. And who will lead the next generation into the future. I'm talking about me and YOU. Yes, YOU dearie. I may not be the best person to talk about patriotism but I will be the first to tell you that no matter what, always respect and love your country. I'd be lying if I said that I wouldn't want to go to another country and work. If the opportunity came, I'd take it in a heart beat. But in the end, home is where the heart truly is. It is where I was born and made. It made me the man I am today. The good and the bad that happened serves not only as lessons learned but also the most cherished thing one could ever possess, and that is experiences of life. Besides their virginity as well.

I must say that i'm proud to call myself a Malaysian. I love to tell people from other countries about Malaysia's character, idiosyncrasies, culture, cuisine and of course, the people. Whenever something happens, I'd say "That's a Malaysian thing" or "It's Malaysian la".

I shall end here with a simple wish, let's strive to better ourselves and not succumb to trivialities.

Chris signing off...

*Yam cha is Chinese for "drink tea" which is commonly used when one is going out for an outing. Usually alcohol is accompanied. Being inebriated is optional.

PS: Happy Merdeka everyone. Yes, i know i'm a day late.

Music to my ears

Even metalheads need a change of pace once in while y'know.

Recently i went to the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra for a free preview of their upcoming season. Since it was free, my family and I sat ourselves in the hall awaiting the start. As the light started to dim, i found myself actually not knowing what's really going to happen. I've never seen a real orchestra perform. But when the conductor started to wave his wand-ish thingamajig and the orchestra finally unleash their instruments, i was enthralled. The orchestra played note perfect renditions of John Williams's body of work which sufficed to say is incredible in its grandeur and evocation of the senses. I had a tremendously enjoyable time.

There were some things that bothered me. First is the freeloaders, or more appropriately, shameless charlatans who just because it said FREE doesn't mean it's something that your mind can comprehend let alone appreciate. Real fans stood in line for hours and yet all these village people got seats because they were there slightly earlier. Secondly and it's something that i have an ambivalence to, a sort of love/hate relationship with: Children. Specifically, 8 years and below. I've always liked kids, well babies to be exact, apart from the crying and the occasional poo moment, babies are okai. I just can't stand naughty, bratty, uncontrollable monsters who pester, moan, whine, scream, yell, lie down to the floor because they didn't get their chocalate bar. They're angels when they want something but become their true demonic self when they don't get their way. If you know your kid's the type that can't keep still for half a second then DON'T bring them. As i was immersing myself in the music, i closed my eyes to savour the sweet music. I let the music flow into me so to speak. Since they played stuff that i actually know and like such as Hedwig's Theme from Harry Potter and Duel of the Fates from the Phantom Pen..Menace, it made the experience even more enjoyable. Then a kid starts yelling and a baby goes "Agoo agoo agoo bla wahhh!" and it totally disrupts my concentration. My mental state shifted to PSYCHOTIC for a few moments.

I'm not saying these village people aren't allowed in there or they can't even listen to this kind of music but for crying out loud, just because it's free doesn't mean it'll mean something to you. It's like queueing up for some free thing only to find out it's free tampon samples. This is sadly the mentality of many Malaysians. This kiasuness is apparent mostly in the village community simply because they display it on their sleeves, pockets, collars and tassels. They don't hide it. Snooty rich people are also capable of displaying such behaviour albeit in a subtle but still as shameful way. They're conniving and greedy and they'll do anything to get their way. You would think that with bucketloads of money, people would be more polite or just? It seems that they're only worth what their handbag contains. Free is free yes but taking it for granted merely causes one to lose the meaning of what is good and what is easy.

FREE is truly the most universal word in the world. Use it freely.

Chris signing off...

PS: To the chick with the unbelievable body and cleavage who ran up the hall: Thank You so, so, so much.

Home is where the heart is...

Greetings everyone! Yes i know, many of you have missed my witty and insightful posts. Fret not, i wasn't abducted by aliens wanting to stick probes up my lovely proverbial behind nor was i taken hostage by Amazonian women who want to make me as their um, head of reproduction center, but rather i was down south in Singapore! Ah ha, the land of the kiasu, the land where the women are snobbier than poodles, the land where the guys don't seem to wear caps and the land where it has made me miss Malaysia. A fucking lot. While i do love being able to cross roads in an orderly fashion as opposed to mad dashes, where service with a smile is actually happens(though the old ladies here tend to subscribe to the mantra of Service With a Dour Face from Hell), where at night i don't feel as though i'm being stalked by a deranged drug addict, but the thing is, there's really no place like home.

Just think about this, the area that i am staying at has no mamak stall where you can just go to and plonk your arse down, no Internet cafes hosting Counterstrike sessions(or the highly awful DOTA), no stalls selling kuehs and such, no Chinese DVD peddlers. The only thing that my area has that is of intellectual interest happens to be an adult shop. Hehehe. Apparently, this is pretty much the same situation as the other places. It's just shopping mall after shopping mall with Old Chang Kees and 7 Elevens. And McDonald's and Burger King. And girls. Pretty ones. How do i know? Try taking a walk around Orchard Road. For 6 hours. I don't mean to talk big but i went round Orchard Road for 6 hours straight and in the rain. And guess what i found out? Everything's the same. I got bored in no time. It's a shopping paradise yes, especially for you of the female kind, but too much shopping is just ridiculous. Not too mention also very hurting the wallet. Luckily the eye candy provided me with some drive to continue.

While some of the girls there are really pretty, i can't help but think that our girls are still better. The girls here think every guy is checking them out thus start to then put on the most annoying pout of arrogance i've ever seen. Sure the tight tops, the short skirts, the rather lovely derrieres on some of the females there did leave a lasting impression in my mind. I just wasn't convinced that they're doing it because they feel like doing so. The girls here do it with conviction whereas the Singaporeans do it because it's a fashion.

To me, the food was a sight; chocolates of all shapes, sizes and flavour were on display, gelato stations serving some of the best looking non-fat ice cream known to man... the list goes on. The food courts are every friggin' where. All their shopping malls have at least one corner where all the restaurants are located. But the taste of it all felt bland. The Western type of food however was simply sumptuous. A real feast for the eyes as well as for the palette. But I still craved for nasi lemak with rendang, roti canai telur with dhal curry and noodles with dumplings that taste so good.

And as i am writing this, the haze is getting thicker, water is running low in some states, rain has not fallen for quite a whie in my area, the prices of certain goods are increasing, traffic jams have reduced people to maniacs... and yet all these and more make me love my country even more. I may bitch about it every day but i'm proud to call myself a Malaysian. And i'm sure many of you too share the same sentiment.

Chris signing off...

PS: Any Singaporean chicks out there who're reading this, PLEASE do not feel offended. I still think you all are really hot. You're just dumber than i thought.

Patience everyone!!!

Ah, if any of you are wondering, i am in Singapore on holiday. :)

Yes, i'm having a blast here. Some of the reasons why so:

Chicks
Metal
Food

Ahhhh, life is good. Anyways, i'll give an update once i'm back which will feature my superb observations here in the land of kiasu. Until then..

Chris signing off....

PS: I'm broke. :(

Clone MEEEEEEEEEEE!

Ah, the island... A place of peace and serenity. A place where you can frolic in the meadows of gold while breathing in the pure air.
EKK! WRONG! It's actually a place where you get your spleen ripped apart from your body all because you're a clone, 'product', and belong to your original self who has paid 5 million smackers to live a little bit longer in the world.

So on to the review breakdown yes:

The Good - The Actors

Ewan McGregor - He gave Lincoln 6 Echo a rather boyish take. Which is kind of true since the clones are educated to the level of a 15 year old. As the Tom Lincoln(the dude who paid loads of dough to live longer), his Scottish accent wasn't really that thick. He did say "wankah". Nice.

Scarlett Johansson - Oh.My.Lord.The.Lips.So.Plump.So.Yummy.Body.So.Fantastic.
*Drooling*.
Acting.Ok.La.Lips.Oh.My.*Faints*.

The rest - Ok la. Sean Bean was like Boromir in a suit; the same conviction in what he is doing is right and will do anything to achieve glory. Djimon Hounsou was all right. Steve Buscemi was great and had the best lines.

The Bad - Where do I begin? Honestly speaking, The Island had sooooo much promise; a storyline that's thought provoking but terribly executed. It's like having a DVD player but you're still watching VCDs on it. So much potential what with having some really good actors in it but was bogged down by shoddy dialogue, nonsensical action sequences(i did laugh out loud at one scene where a guy was walking in the office ala lalala then suddenly gets whacked from the back by Ewan McGregor on a hover bike) and Michael Bay's penchant for too clean looking picture quality. It's great really but sometimes too clean makes it feel synthetic.

The Ugly - My sitting position was downright ridiculous. I couldn't see much of Scarlett. :(

Cloning as a business where money will buy you more time on this shitty Earth. The notion where you can create a clone, then have 'it' be removed of its, say eyebrows, is quite sick. It goes to show how rich people will do anything to remain as they are; vain and severly deprived of morality.

Do clones have souls? They feel, they hunger, they thirst, they want, they are alive. But a soul do they possess? Only God knows...

As for me, no thanks. I for one do not want to be cloned. Ever. Imagine two of me. 'Nuff said.

Chris signing off...

PS: Even clones get to have sex after only knowing about it for a couple of hours. The injustice.

Of Kimonos and Slitty Eyes...

Last Saturday was wicked, went down to the nearby Jaya Jusco at 7am to collect the latest Harry Potter book and i must say, this has to be the most shocking book of the series. Just when you thought you had it all figured out, BAM! J.K. Rowling smashes all your detective work into pulp of uselessness and then you clutch your head and say to yourself,"Damn".

That day also marked my first ever excursion to Bon Odori, a Japanese festival celebrating something i still do not know. Even the Japs there didn't know too. I first caught wind of its existence from a friend of mine way back when i was doing my diploma. He was known as Happy Chai and was a complete dimwit. And a nutter for anything Japanese. He asked me one day:

Happy Chai: Hey Clis, wanna go to Pon O Dolly?
I thought it was an invitation for a play of an obscene take on Hello Dolly.
Me: Huh?
A Friend: It's Bon Odori you dork.
Happy Chai: I said Pon O Dolly mah. Anyway, it is a Japaneese festiwal. Sure lot of chick wan. Come la.
Me: No thanks man. I've got errands to do. Err, you have fun. La.
Happy Chai: *crestfallen look* Okei.

Fast forward to last Saturday and voila! I'm driving on the Federal Highway heading towards Shah Alam. Went me and my family finally got into the stadium, i braced myself, for i was about to enter the realm of J-Pop, girls in tight uniforms and even tighter skirts, girls with pigtails the length of a pillar, boys trying to look cool with ludicrously spiky hair while possessing squeaky voices and for the penultimate, Raw Food. As i was making my way round the food stalls, i kept an eye out for any of my friends and of the many girls there. Of the former, i only saw one while the latter, well, my eyes were very much satisfied. My hunger however got angry. Not because i didn't do anything to quell but rather, the food sucked. Big time. Maybe it was because of the hands of unskilled Malaysians who were handling the makings of the food. Even the tea with 16 different types of tea leaves that cost me 5 bucks tasted like water with a pinch of salt. I dropped my RM5 omelette(managed to grab a small bite though) onto the grass and i threw away the rest of my RM5 noodles cos it sucked bad.

The atmosphere at the stadium end of the festival was bursting with life. All around me girls were giggling. I was ogling. The stage(which was in the middle of field) in which the performers will perform on was being set up and Japanese opera wailed from out the speakers like a banshee demanding for better sushi. After a while, a most un-Japanese thing happened; Avril Lavigne was now being blasted. WTF came to me faster than you can say "Kumbawa!".

By the time the official launch came most of the people had already congregated near the stadium to witness the performances. Then when the announcers said to take part in the dances, the people really took it to heart cos when the first move was performed, the crowd started to follow. Many of them laughed at themselves and their friends for executing the wrong moves. I laughed at them instead. The crowd got really worked when the second dance came on, it was more vibrant and fun. I thought surely a moshpit was gonna erupt soon. I got smelly armpits instead.

We left the place at around 8pm as we didn't want to get caught in the massive jam that was bound to occur later. As we were leaving, a group of old timers who called themselves The Hokkaido Soba Lovers Club serenaded the crowd with a special rendition of Rasa Sayang. It was more like Rasa Malang.

Beside the food being absolutely worthless, the whole festival was good. I personally didn't learn much other than i shouldn't eat RM5 omelettes while standing up. With chopsticks nonetheless.

I can't wait for next year.

Chris signing off...

PS: Jessica Alba >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> All the chicks at Bon Odori put together.

Week of Hell

Wow, it's been a long time since i've updated, sorry y'all. Got caught up with work last week and then my lappie containing ALL my precious files went byebye and i spent the whole of Thursday going back and forth between my lappie and desktop, transfering file after file which funnily went cuckoo too the week before.

It seems that the only time my utterly insipid coll... *ahem*, excuse me, university college, is teeming with life and sheer tension is during any project submission be it group based or individual. The blood, the sweat, the tears all literally flowed on 11 July for it was the due date for submitting quite possibly the most FUCKED UP project ever in my 3 years at APIIT. Or is it UCTI?

I know better than to do things last minute, especially when it involves a project that is divided into two parts: Research in the first sem and for the second sem, Coding. The Research part, i'm okay. I don't mind poring thru research paper after research paper and then dissecting the appropriate information for my documentation. What i don't fucking like is creating diagrams detailing how a user is going to log into my system AND then justifying why i did so. I already did the damn diagrams so just fucking accept it for crying out loud! It's like telling someone that i crossed the road safely, yet he/she doesn't believe me because i didn't inform them to look at me when i was crossing. And i especially hate being told that the way i created thediagram is actually wrong. On the day of submission nonetheless. They got it good, they're the ones who actually had a whole friggin' sem on how to create those diagrams. I had 3 days. 3 sleepless nights. 3 goddamn, terribly exhausting and mentally draining days. The worse for now has come to pass and now i'm awaiting Armageddon of Projects.

So in the end, i managed to pass up my project at 7.15pm. Luckily the pretty lady put me and my friends as passed up at 7. I had to use whatever that was left of my consciousness and my non-existant charm to put us at 7. I now owe her a bottle of Ribena as thanks. Shucks.

For those of you know what coding is like, then you'll excuse me when i say this, I FUCKING HATE IT. Never did like it and i never will. I guess i just don't have the brain for it. I'm more of a 'What and Why' guy when it comes to projects. I come up with the project's soul; the title, objectives, scope and anything related to the core of it. I'm not however a guy who can create web pages using Dreamweaver or even *gasp* Frontpage. It's not hard i know but i'm just not interested. So when i dubbed this project as the Most Fucked Up Ever, i really mean it. I will suffer tremendously in the upcoming months trying to bust my ass and sanity in creating the website. And not to mention my Final Year Project which is turning out to be the Mutha of Fucked Up projects. If i don't even get it to work say in the 2 months, i'll be Fucked Guy numero uno.

Wish me luck, please?

Chris signing off...

PS: I make no apologies for using quite a lot of the F-word(which is the best English word EVER). Believe me, if i were to tell you this verbally, you'd have a cringed look on your face. Permanently.

Thanks Giving

I'm a fairly polite guy. Really. I'll say thank you to the same waiter who's been serving me for every service they perform, from bringing my meal to taking away the empty plate when i'm done devouring the rather delicious lasagna. Regardless whether or not the said waiter had been a complete turd or a darling, i'll say the thank yous. I credit my thanks giving nature to my family who'll smack me silly if i don't do so.

I know there are some of you who're like me(Hie there fellow nice person) and there are those who are completely oblivious to the power of it. Sure, you don't have to mean it ALL THE TIME, but just saying it sometimes can turn an unpleasant encounter with the durian seller from turning into a thorny affair. Pun quite the intended.

It just so happens that I am surrounded by these people. I blame their backgrounds and upbringing because if they'd had been brought the way i did, then i wouldn't have a topic to blog about. Or bitch. A good friend whom i shall refer to as Dark Stick, said rather succinctly, "Friends don't need to say thanks to friends". Ya meh? Shouldn't we as friends be the ones dishing out the thanks to each other like nobody's business?

Friends call me "hak hei", something like being too thankful and gracious. I got me a friggin' label for being too gracious? Bloody china-people.

It's like not saying "Please" too. YOu want to borrow something from me the least you can do is say please instead of "Gimme now la" or the evergreen classic that is "Bollow me yor stuffs". Fucken china-people.

I tried being like them, just to see what's it like being impolite. I became the non thank you and please saying dude for awhile. I actually itched every time i didn't say either one. "Bah, screw them la", i told myself that. I'd rather be known as the guy who says thanks to everything than be the guy who's a complete asshole.

Politeness isn't part of the package that comes when you're born, it is something you learn.

Chris signing off...

You know English ah?

I am a Banana. No, not the sexual connotation version of it and certainly not from the appalling song by Gwen Stefani but rather, i'm a Chinese dude who can't speak the language. I know most of the foul words(thanks guys!) and i know enough to order char kuey teow and not wanting the icky cockles. More than that, i can grasp words here and there. I was brought up by Yankee and British tv. I read Enid Blyton with a passion. I even developed an American accent from watching Sesame Street and comedies so much so that people thought i was actually from America.

Since i grew up at a place where people who don't know the area at all and who tend to think that its somewhere in between there and nowhere, my command of the national language far surpassed that of my mother tongue. Heck, the biggest praise i got was from the "apam balik" couple who said i sounded exactly like a Malay. With very slitty eyes.

Back in the days of my innocence, i was afraid to go to any Chinese restaurants for fear of being chased out because i certainly would've mispronounced crab (for those who don't know, crab in Chinese is very similar to a certain part of the female anatomy. And it ain't the armpits). There were some nice people who talked to me in either Malay or English but there were also those who gave me dirty looks because of my inability to converse with them in Chinese. When i say, "Can i have the breast part?", they'll pull a blank face ala zombie nation but when i Chinafy the sentence, "Gimme da blest plat ya.Duwan da buntut", voila!

When i was younger, i used to feel stupid for not being able to understand the language. I've even blamed my parents right in front of them. But as i got older, i told myself, "So What?". I'm certainly not the only one who can't speak Chinese. So now, i no more dread going to chinese shops and restaurants. I'll try my best to order but if i can't then i'll switch to English and if worse transcends to worst, Malay. I'll even do sign language. Not even the language barrier is going to stop me from ordering chicken rice.

I remember a time when i used to like this Chinese girl. She was nice, pretty, sweet and i suspect that she liked me too. However, i realised that not only will the language hinder communication greatly but also the way of thinking is just not compatible. She likes Jay Chou. I like Judas Priest. I want to watch Hotel Rwanda(great movie by the way), she wants to watch God of Cookery 3. I'd rather headbang my head off for her than serenade her the latest ballad. I'm not saying that i won't ever get together with a Chinese educated girl but the fact of the matter is that without even the basics, how the hell am i going to tell her that i love her?

I'm not going to blame my parents any more especially my dad, who is the main culprit actually, for not teaching me and my sisters Chinese as we were growing up. It's not too late for me to pick up the language anyway. In fact, i've noticed that there are more and more bananas now. And most of them are girls. Pretty ones too. Thank You, God.

Guess what guys? It's back which means that I'M BACK.

Hello and welcome back to the world of Whacker Inc. Or just plain me, Chris. It's been like ages since i've updated this blog of mine but the truth is simply that i got bored of the whole blogging thing. I got bored updating. I got bored trying to come up with posts that have meaning and a message to present as opposed to my previous posts where they were just absolute crap.

I however got back into the blogging fiasco via Friendster's blog service which at first was enjoyable, got pretty frustrating in the end. It's slow, unreliable and plain sucky. So i hope you guys come back often and check my blog since i assure you all, i'll be updating it pretty often from now on. Topics will range from my rather eccentric life to views and thoughts i feel strongly about.

Until then, take care and thanks for reading. Chris, signing off...

The lack of updates is due to the fact...

...that updating blogs is rather gayish in nature and very much a girly thing to do too.

A really unfortunate series indeed..

The end of my torturous wait for college is drawing near. It's been quite a sickening wait, what with life and fate dishing out shitty things at me to face day after freaking day. Or is this God's complex chess game with me as the King that will eventually conquer my fears and enemies? Is he the referee in which my movements are forever scrutinized by Him and that if i make a bad move, a punishment is sent down to smite me?

Hmm..

Those who know, please pray for my speedy recovery and those that don't, start praying anyway. The story goes like this:

My back started to show signs of pain about a month after the 3rd semester of college after a workout session that turned out pretty good at first but with consequences i never imagine would happen again. At first i just shrugged it off, thinking it was just me having some slight soreness here and there..then it kept getting worse until to the point where i couldn't even think about thinking. So i decided to pop some pills to kill the pain. It worked. In the beginning though. Then it got ineffective as the days rolled on. I needed something stronger. So i thought i'll just in more pills instead!!! Bad idea it was for the unexpected mutha of all unexpectedness came... my left leg started to be numb. I could at first wriggle my toes but after a while, my whole leg became powerless. I can't use stairs as it is an exercise in excrutiating pain.

But every storm cloud will revert back into a normal cloud(crappy analogy i know). Just last week i went to a Chinese Medical Aid centre and did acupuncture and some massaging. And let me tell you, it's been a long time since i've felt quite good and confident as well. So far so good as i am still walking like tortoise albeit a tortoise on crack(which means i'm slightly faster la). So it is with hope that i will be up and running in a few more weeks. I can't wait for that moment to arrive.

SO i hope all you guys and gals out there PLEASE take care of yourselves. Do not get hurt and suffer. Have a great week people!!

Chris signing off...

Hello again!

How is everyone doing? I hope you're all fine since I believe this year is going to be a great one even though it started off pretty fucken shitty for me. Hehehe. Whatever it is, I am looking forward to what surprises and shit 2005 is ready to throw at me.

Bring it on....

Cheers for now!

Happy New Year everyone!...

(my first non cryptic title too!)

What a year it has been this 2004. Here's a very fast summary of what happenend to me in this year:

First 3 months: Became an ex bf. Was a wreck for awhile. Parents didn't trust me. College life sucked. Contemplated suicide....... KIDDING!!!

Next 3,4 months or so: Life started picking itself up again. Was in peak physical shape. Could workout for hours even! Gained back parents' trust, which was good. College life was brighter and more fun. Then it happened; cracks in the brotherhood were showing...and i was the one doing the cracking......

Last 3 months: Were the best 3 months of my life. New friendships were forged.College life was at its peak and funnily enough this was the also the worst showing in terms of projects and assignments;absolutely abysmal. Hurt my back again. Haven't worked out in almost 3 months. I have a tummy. A rather bulging one too. Damnit.

I truly believe that i am more grown up now. Heck, more matured even. (Hmm, are those two the same?) Bugger that. I hope that 2005 will bring me more happy memories. To all, have a great new year! See you soon!

R.I.P Dimebag Darrell

I may not be the biggest fan of Pantera nor am i even a supporter Damageplan but i respected and liked his works. To be murdered right in front of so many people while doing the thing that you love the most, that's just sickening as hell. I feel really sad now, not only as a fan but also as a human being. No one deserves to such a pointless death.

Here's a big \m/ to you man, your music shall be blasted forever.

Over the hills and far away...

Under better circumstances, this entry would have been killer. It would contain anecdotes that would have cracked you up so badly, you'd be more cracked than crack.

But i'm afraid it's not to be for i am still extremely busy, exams are around the corner, hell, I even have carolling practise to attend to.

All and all, i wish everyone all the best in their exams and in their lives as well. Good luck y'all!