I love you means nothing.

It's as though the Brits are competing with the Yanks. But this time, I think the Yanks win this. Well, one Yank, anyway. 

We all know what Tiger Woods did. Only a person stuck in a very spacious and cozy cave would not know. And if you're a football fan, you'd also know the infidelities of at least two footballers. What they did is utterly shameful and further demonstrates the immoralities of people who have it all. Their arrogance led them to believe that their secret liaisons and hush-hush affairs would not go unnoticed let alone condemned when found out. But do they deserve to be publicly humiliated and flogged in the open by the media and every gossip-hungry auntie with a bad perm? No. I don't think they do. They do, however, deserve to be humiliated and flogged (metaphorically, naturally) by their family and friends but most especially by their partners (in the above cases, wives).

Hypocrisy go together in this sordid tale. These illustrious public figures have been fettered with various non-sporting awards to go with their chosen fields and some of it must surely draw at least reddened cheeks upon those who bestowed them in the first place. Awards such as, Best Dad and whatnot, have been given to these supposedly good dads when maybe just minutes before they got the award they'd have a quickie in the store room. These men would then go up on stage and put on the biggest and most insincere smile on the planet and proudly admitting that, yeah, I'm a great dad. How did they do it with nary a hint of remorse? Maybe they bit their lip but that could be just a sign of too much lip balm. 

Would I forgive if my future wife did it to me? The answer is a resounding no. Though, that's what is most likely to happen but I will only know if and when it ever happens to me, which, I hope it never does. Some people would say turn the other cheek, do what Jesus would do. To them, I'll say, I am not Jesus. And slap their cheeks*.

"I love you" never meant a thing if you've never felt it.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: I finally watched Tiger Woods' televised apology. By jove, it was one of the most robotic, unconvincing and rehearsed act I've ever seen. 

* - Gently, of course.

Moonwalking to the stars, moon and beyond.

The one and only, Michael Jackson.

The feeling is very odd. It's like waking up one gloomy morning and thinking you're missing something but you can't quite put your finger on. You think to yourself, hmm, what the heck is it. Then it hits you. Ah, I left the keys in the car. Again.

Bad analogy, I know, but it's the best I can come up with.

Michael Jackson is no longer on this planet. Weird, right? One minute we (yes, YOU and I are the guilty ones) are ridiculing him the next we are stupefied by the news of his death, jaws agape. I remember going to work thinking, "huh?" and when I met Waffle Girl for breakfast she was visibly stunned by the news (she still is). I was nonchalant, I mean, lets be real.: yes, he did come up with some of the catchiest, timeless pop songs ever but why would his death bring you to tears? What did he do besides entertaining you for but only a few minutes every time one of his songs was played on the radio? If I sound insensitive then so be it. I won't hide the fact that I didn't feel anything when official news announced the death.

However, the surreality of it didn't hit me until recently. Like how I left my keys in the car, twice, whence I was in college, hearing people refer to him in past tense seems like an odd thing. It didn't sound right. So I can only imagine what his family and his children are going through.

I'm surprised that there has been no dissertation of some sort on the songs that he wrote. Just read the lyrics to You are Not Alone, Leave Me Alone, Stranger in Moscow and the like, and you'll find a man who has everything and nothing. All the money and adoration yet he was a tortured soul. His past shaped him but you would never have known it due to the fact that he was such a tremendous entertainer than you forget he is mortal. You think, "hmm, this is a sad song sung beautifully." But have you even listened to it properly?

Unquestionably, he loved children so much so that ofttimes people thought he was a pervert, a monster, child eater. No, he viewed children as who they were. In essence, Michael was indeed a man-child in a man's world. Neverland was an escape from the real world. It was his refuge, haven from all the bad of the world. And he brought children inside to show them joy that he never got to experience. For that, I give him my utmost sympathy and acknowledgment.

I can only relate to his childhood, or rather, the non-existent one. Not the early fame, of course, when I was five I was still chewing on my Ziggy toy whereas he was belting out hit tunes. But I can relate to the loneliness and the longing for father-and-son moments. They never came but we had hope. Which is why I am driven to be the best father to my unborn child(ren) and give them the childhood I should have had.

I was and most likely never will be a fan of his. Nonetheless, I'll always respect his works no matter what. After all, growing up in the 90's it was near impossible to not like any of his songs. The King of Pop reigned supreme.

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson.

This is Chris, moonwalking...

PS: ...tried moonwalking but I ended up tripping and falling on my butt. Damn.

Devil horns and bhangra. Who knew it could be good?

Music makes the world go round.

I thought it was because it was spinning on its own axis?

Wise-ass remark aside, music has left an incredibly profound impact on my life. I grew up listening to classical and oldies courtesy of my dad while I was forced to listen to my sisters' favourite 80's and 90's pop. Of course, you now know me as the most unmetal-looking metalhead.

So is it a funny image if I were to tell you that this metalhead actually enjoyed fusion music last night? Let me be more specific: this metalhead enjoyed local fusion music that combined bhangra and modern sensibilities? Oh, I also forgot bagpipes. The Diplomats of Drum performed at The Curve and I was there with my friends. I've always had a thing for live performances, especially if it involves instruments and not 5 pretty boys lip-synching and dancing in tandem to standard beats. No, this was something special. After a lifeless demonstration on Capoeira which had exponents performing windmills on each other, came the main attraction.

I didn't know what to expect so I sat on my high stool and waited. The wait, humidity and smoky surrounding was worth it. Remember all the Bollywood movies you've watched? Remember the music? The unmistakable rhythm of the drum beat? Now hold that sound and add in guitar riffs, flutes, a didgeridoo and massive amounts of melody and you'll probably get a whiff of what the music is. If you're having a tough time then it's only understandable. It's not like this kind of music gets played on the airwaves at all. When it comes to local bands I will be wary always as a good chunk are just bad imitators of their influence.

But not this band.

The only downside of an otherwise brilliant performance was the audience. It has to be said that Malaysians are idiots, morons and general dumbasses when it comes to live performances. The people just sat on their seats, drinking and smoking, while the band kept urging them to get on their feet and wave their hands. What's the reason for our ineptitude and lassitude? "We're a shy people, we don't do that sort of thing." No wonder Singapore still gets all the action. C'mon! You have a great band who plays great music and there you are nodding gently. There I was, unleashing the devil horn on one hand while the other clutched a Heineken* looking like a poseur. But I didn't give a right damn as I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Ginormous kudos and devil horns to the Diplomats and their Drums. You've made me a fan.

This is Chris, signing off.

* = Did I really look that red? Damnit, I still can't drink for nuts.

PS: I wonder if the Diplomats wouldn't mind having me doing vocals...

I'm Framing Armageddon

Actually, I'm not.

It's the title of a song I'm currently playing every chance I get. It just screams metal.

Work is boring; same ole, same ole. I go in, clock in my times and I'm outta there. It's wonderful. Really.

I shall leave you now, but I'll be back next week with something.

I hope.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: Google's Chrome is badass!

235 hours 44 minutes 38 seconds. And my randomiser had to pick these songs? Sheesh.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

Syar the Lovely posted this not long ago and I immediately I was piqued. So I thought I’d give it a go and see where it’ll take me. I ended up cheating so much I thought I might as well just write out what the heck I’m feeling at the moment while listening to one of the 3000+ songs in my playlist. (All information herewith is correct at time of posting. Tomorrow will be a different story.)

How does the world see you? Testament – The Formation of Damnation

I absolutely love this song. It’s fast, brutal and it just screams metal. Song of 2008, no doubts at all. Anyway, I would like to think that the world sees me as this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

Will I have a happy life? Fear Factory – Self Bias Resistor

I’d love to have a very happy life but at the moment I’m taking everything with a pinch of salt. And lots of protein as well, you know, to build muscle and all. That didn’t make much sense, eh?

What do my friends really think of me? Metallica – Fight Fire With Fire

Can an apocalyptic song be used to gauge me as a friend? I hope not. Yet again I’m doing a bit of speculating, I’d like to think that my friends view me as this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

What do people secretly think of me? Morbid Angel – Summoning Redemption

This is the song to play if you’re going on a march. Yeah, a march with daemons! But seriously speaking, if people are secretly thinking that I’m a Roman God in human form, who am I to tell them otherwise? Right? Hmm? Shucks…Actually, maybe, just maybe, they secretly think that I’m this nice, kind of bumbling, nerdy guy.

What should I do with my life? Dream Theater – The Glass Prison

Live it the way I see fit, make my family and friends happy and my enemies dear to my heart. On second thought, nah, my enemies can buzz off!

What is some good advice for me? Godsmack – Sick of Life

Okay. No, thanks. I’d rather be sick of wife. Get it? Huh? Shucks.

How will I be remembered? Slayer – War Ensemble

I’d like to be remembered as the nice, kin..wait a minute, didn’t I use that line, like, a bajillions times already? Time for a new one. Okay, here goes: I’d like to be remembered as the guy who brought lots of merriment but could be serious when serious matters needed it. But most of all, I’d like to be remembered as Chris, the rather nice, bumbling, nerdy guy.

What is my signature dancing song? Cryptopsy – Born Headless

Err…

What do I think my current theme song is? Rammstein – Mein Herz Brennt

Literally translated as, My Heart Burns, I play this song when I have the blues. You know, caused-by-female blues. Sigh.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Scissor Sisters – I Don’t Feel Like Dancing

I really like this song a lot and if I had some effeminate qualities this would be my favourite song of all-time.

What song will play at my funeral? Suffocation – Funeral Inception

Tee hee!

What type of men/women do you like? Bloodbath – Eaten

I think the song’s title says it all. LOL!

Have a great week ahead, people!

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: The new Indiana Jones sucked tremendously.

Duffy – Rockferry

I am, by and large, not one of those people who say, “Oh, I listen to everything.”

It’s utter bollocks.

No one listens to everything. Because if someone actually did, they would list polka as music that is Nice to Listen to Whilst in the Company of Old Folk with IBS. I am first and foremost a metalhead that is (somewhat) open to other genres. Polka is definitely not one of them.

What we have here is Duffy. Nope, this is not Sean Combs consolidating his previous moniker of Puff Daddy into a simpler one but still outright inane. And if he did, he wouldn’t use this. Duffy is apparently the winner, oops, sorry, runner-up to the Welsh version of Pop Idol. Yes, no one I know watches it, so I can’t vouchsafe anything. But she must’ve impressed Jools Holland enough for him to let her sing on his (rotten) show.

Distant Dreamer is a nice ditty that shows the softer side of Duffy. What am I yammering about, they are all slow! It’s not Corrine Bailey Rae slow, thank God. It’s one of those songs about dreams that actually work, because the music doesn’t annoy me with annoying accompaniments like saxophones and xylophones.

By now, you would have heard Mercy. This is a song that evokes 70’s soul set in a modern tone. Well, any song in this day and age that tries to sound like the past sounds modern but not that modern. Kind of like Joss Stone without the excessive Yeahs and Oohs.

The title track is reminiscent of Distant Dreamer, in terms of speed and overall atmosphere. Nothing new here, really.

Serious could have been released in the 70’s and it would’ve been a hit. Add in some Bee Gees runs and falsetto, this would’ve exploded the scene. But the only people who would like this would probably serious people. Get it? I certainly didn’t.

Warwick Avenue speaks of love lost. That’s what I think. Still, it’s a nice song with some soulful runs.

I love the fact that she doesn’t try to hit high notes higher than the Petronas Twin Towers. There’s control and a real sense of optimism. Duffy is of the same breed as one Amy Winehouse. Both possess distinct voices. Both sing with a certain swagger only heard in 70’s soul music. Both are actually worth listening to.

At least until the next girl with that certain 70’s swagger comes along. Hopefully she won’t polka-fy anything!

Proof that I am not a sadistic metalhead with a bullet belt and a thirst for blood

I wanted to post something really thought-provoking but I wasn't provoked enough. So I decided to do this instead. One word summary: Wow.

And one of the funniest spoofs I've seen in a long time.

Hope you all enjoyed them as much as I did.

This is Chris, signing off.

PS: That little girl can really sing, eh?

Going solo

Coldplay. Franz Ferdinand. Keane. The Killers. The This and That. Snow Patrol. Razorlight. The Argh...!

What do the above have in common? Apart from being the forerunners of the new wave of “rock” (I could debate this all day, but for the sake of not wanting to have a protracted and possible rancorous war of words with the exponents, I’ll keep my sentiments to myself (for not the time being of course)) these bands are currently ala mode, with kids getting into them because of their out of this world catchiness, unbelievably varied hooks and singers with distinct voices.

And most importantly, these bands do not subscribe to the Church of the Solo.

What is a solo anyway? And what’s the difference between a solo and a lead? Some say it’s the same thing. People like me however, know what they both mean to a song. As a non-musician trying to explain it to another non-musician, it’s been a difficult task to elucidate because the minute I hear a song with the above components I immediately recognize which is which. This ability to distinguish solos and leads didn’t come easily. Try 6 years of almost non-stop listens. It’s an ongoing education you could say.

Of course solos are meant to be indulgent! They are called a solo, duh! Like any good recipe, a solo can be used to spice up a song or to give it a shot of much needed adrenaline. Bands who say that solos are archaic are whiners who can’t play more than 3 chords. But what do I know right? I’m an old school guy who appreciates good song-writing. What I don’t like is when people talk claptrap (this is a cool word) about things they think they know.

Can you imagine Deep Purple without Ritchie Blackmore’s solos? Iron Maiden without theirs? Judas Priest without the solo duels? Or even The Beatles who normally didn’t incorporate them into most of their song but when they did it matched perfectly to much effect and create masterpieces of utter brilliance. Soloing is an art. You have good ones and you have bad ones. That’s why I listen to the good ones!

So here is Chris’s Top 5 Guitar Solos of All Time (because I couldn’t think of 10):

Metallica – Fade to Black

Without a doubt Kirk Hammett’s finest hour. As we all know, the former Exodus shredder was tutored by the one and only Joe Satriani. I guess Hammett wouldn’t be the guitarist that he his without the guidance from Satch. Metallica’s first “ballad” of sorts came out of nowhere, proving that the former thrash gods could write a moving, brooding and ultimately one of the finest metal songs of all time. All this is largely thanks to Hammett’s solo which extends the song’s meaning of wanting to end it all to its glorious climax.

Dream Theater – Voices

When 5 musicians came together, 3 of them with their Berkeley background the obvious was that each member were masters of their chosen instrument. The song is monstrous; a 10 minute marathon of epic proportions culminating with quite possibly John Petrucci’s best solo of his career. It is sweeping, powerful and it makes me wish I hadn’t spent my money last year when they came to Singapore to perform. I feel a need for a tissue. Lots of it. NOW!

Nevermore – The River Dragon Has Come

This is seven-string wizardry at its finest. Jeff Loomis’s guitar tone remains one of the heaviest in metal today. He has an uncanny ability to know when and where which technique is going to sound great and this song has it all. From tapping to all out goreng-ing (Malaysian for tearing it out) I wet myself every time I hear it. Gross but true.

Whitesnake – Sailing Ships

A lot of fans give this album the track is from tonnes of flak because of one guitar virtuoso’s approach to the solos and melodies. It was odd to say the least. But nothing in this world can take away Steve Vai’s solo for this song. On one side it’s Vai at his Vai-est and the other is brilliantly taken like the best Manchester United goal (you heard me!).

Megadeth – Holy Wars... The Punishment Due

For years I’ve hated Dave Mustaine because of my then blind and undying allegiance to Metallica. And his vocal delivery remains one of the most atrocious in the history of thrash metal. But nothing, and I mean, nothing, can take away from the fact that his solo right after Marty Friedman’s own blistering piece still captures me off-guard with its technicality and awesomeness.

I have to make this clear yet again, I despise the current crop of bands that play under the banner of rock. But to each his own and whatever floats your boat. As for me, my boat is about to play some of old school rock.

Chris is signing off. For now…

PS: The only band with ‘The’ in their name I like is The Darkness. Their second album tanked big time though.

The Chris Reviews

This year’s rock scene is pretty much boring. In terms of new bands that is. In its place however the world bore witness to the emergence of the Men Who Sound Like Women Only Much, Much Worse. Ever since Coldplay emerged with their “it is okay to sing like a lugubrious tit with highly depressing lyrics” together with their piano driven drivel, it seems that being a loser can make you an instant champion in the hearts of the similarly maudlin. Then came the likes of Jason Mraz, Daniel Powter, and Bo Bice who play sappy one-hit wonders and are now nowhere to be seen. But no-one comes close to the champion of the sad people, James Blunt. I swear if I hear You’re Beautiful again I’m going to bash my head with a guitar and use the strings to strangle myself. Which is why I decided to check out 3 of the best bands ever to walk this green Earth and their latest offerings.

Here is Chris’s Rockin’ Reviews:

Audioslave – Revelations

When I first heard that they’re going to release a new album I was like, didn’t the new come out already? Blimey, I was stuck in the past for this year is 2006! Forgetfulness aside, Audioslave delivers a much worthy follow up to their eponymous sophomore effort. The best way to describe this album is mature. The first two albums didn’t have the longevity or the staying power. I’ll listen to their albums day after day and in an instant I’ll put it down and never listen to it again. However this album doesn’t fall into that category. It’s certainly their strongest and most political to date. They’ve also turned up the funk on this, all the way to 11. At times it’s like 70’s funk but with much heavier rock riffs something the anathema entity that is Red Hot Chilli Peppers can’t seem to achieve (I blame the singer of theirs). The lyrics are scathing and the delivery just as harsh as they slam Bush for the war and the lack of help when Katrina struck New Orleans. Two word review: Highly recommended.

Iron Maiden – A Matter of Life and Death

I am not a Maiden fan. While these English blokes have influenced every single frickin’ metal and rock band there is, I never became a fan. I like most of their “hits” but I didn’t really consider getting their back catalogue. Their comeback album so to speak, Brave New World, churned out the crowd favourite, The Wicker Man. While the album was good at first, its initial delivery was quite boring. I got so bored with it I gave it away to my friend (you know who you are!). The follow up was Dance of Death. I didn’t even bother downloading it. So what made me even buy this? Aside from the fact that I had heard neither the single nor the other songs, it was the fact that it was priced low that I bought it. You can call it on a whim basically. So how does this album fare? In one word: Brilliant. I have to admit that it took repeated listens before I fully appreciated it. The guitars are as melodic as ever while the solos still blistering and Steve Harris’s basslines are still annoying. Bruce Dickinson still doesn’t know the meaning of mediocre and delivers yet another vocal masterpiece though they are parts where he sounds like he’s struggling. Three word review: Up the Irons!

Tool – 10,000 Days

This album is moody. One minute it is pensive the next it goes for the jugular. It has all the ingredients to drive anyone insane upon first listening to it. Tool is a band that doesn’t understand the word, easy. Instead you get an aural assault of the senses. Your brain can’t process anything else besides the music. The words drive into your skull like a lobotomy performed by a mad doctor. The only bad thing about this record is ironically the fact that it’s a Tool album. It’s that good. Some bands go through transitions. Some transcend. Tool is one of those rare bands. Critics may throw brickbats and try to say that Tool is merely “noise”, but I’ll show them the middle finger and walk off. Tool is by no means an easy band to get into but the rewards at the end makes it all worth while. One word review: Ohmylord.

And as a bonus:

Marc Antoine – Urban Gypsy

My Marc Antoine collection is now complete. I have all of his albums at last. 7 great works from a great guitarist. To me, the best description Antoine’s music was perfectly conveyed by famed saxophonist Chris Botti who said that Antoine’s music goes straight to the heart. He gets really technical only when the music requires it. I rarely listen to an album in its entire run. I tend to skip with most albums because I don’t want to get tired of it. But with Antoine albums I don’t have to do so. That’s the hallmark of an excellent musician. Few words review: Absolutely wonderful that even my sister likes him.

And there you have it. My 2 cents on this year’s rock and metal offerings. I know that it’s been a while since I’ve written something heavy and topical. I’ve a few partially written pieces but I just can’t seem to finish them. Is this some kind of blogger’s block? I for one hope it’s not extended any further. I do have fans to please! Till then, keep rockin’ people!

Chris is signing off. For now…

PS: The Audioslave review is for my good friend Fill, Maiden is for my running sifu Eirza, Tool is for all you beautiful people and Antoine is for Irwin, who has helped me burn holes in my wallet.

Supernova are Superstupid

Firstly I have to congratulate Magni for delivering outstanding performances every week. He was by far the most old-school of them all and it showed in his overall outlook. Toby, I love his original song and some of the renditions that he did. I just dislike his nasally voice and honestly, he wouldn’t have suited them anyway. Dilana was a disappointment and that’s all I can say.

Lukas is one of the most conceited human beings to ever wield a microphone. There’s no denying that the diminutive Canadian has talent to a certain degree (he has after all, hoodwinked Supernova and the people who voted for him. That’s talent) but his arrogance coupled with the fact that he has the eloquence of a child in need of a massive smack to the face just makes me pissed. I’m also sad because people are equating that attitude and having a certain look is what makes rock stars. Sad people you all are. Just look at all the women who clamour about stage, they have the look that they just want to get laid by Tommy Lee who by the way acted like he had difficulty in coming up with meaningful comments thus resorted to the old and tired phrase of “You’re so awesome”. Thank God it’s all over now. Gilby surprised me. I have never heard his name prior to this. Of course the mere mention of Guns & Roses only conjures two names, Slash and Axl Rose, so it’s not surprising that he isn’t as famous. I would have thought that him being more on the old-school wagon he would have dismissed the fag that is Lukas who is about as rock as Click Five. Clearly I was mistaken. Of all the contestants, Lukas is the only one who did not improve. He obstinately continued with his singing style even though you can hardly call it singing in the first place.

Lukas is in essence, an emo singer rather than a rocker. He has the look, the sound and the lyrics for it. Besides Kiss, makeup in rock is just plain silly. Eye-liner is not rock. Wearing sparkly clothes is not rock. Singing like a constipated person who badly needs a dump is not rock. Lukas IS NOT rock.

I believe it was Tommy Lee’s decision to have Lukas. If you recall back the earlier shows, he was on Lukas’s side right from the start. Only Newsted had proper ears. But I have to say that it was the “fans” that are to be blamed. It was their votes that kept him in the top most of the time when it was evident that he was nothing but a poser. Again, it was looks and the illusion that Lukas brought the rock that won him the gig. Goes to show what the state of rock is right now which is downright pathetic and saddening. To the people who voted for that scum, thank you all for being such witless “rockers”!

Clearly Supernova chose that shit for a simple reason: they think he might be able to push sales of their soon-to-be shitty album. I for one have lost respect for them. I’m even disappointed in Jason. He should have continued to jibe Lukas for singing like a frog with a throat infection. Maybe, just maybe, the outcome would have been different.

So cheers to them, they’re one less band to like now. Supernova’s gain is certainly their lost.

Chris is signing off. For now…

PS: This diatribe was brought to you with liberal doses of reality and old-school rock.

Rockstar: Supernova = SuperBLEH

Oh my. Oh my dear, dear Rock Gods. The ignominy of having self professed 'Rockers' butchering, maiming and ultimately shaming, the purity that is Rock. Never have I heard such horrid vocals. The first Rockstar was rock solid (pun so intended). It had the likes of Jordis, Ty, Deanna (the most rocking babe of them all) and of course, Marty Casey and JD Fortune who took the show to whole new heights.

Performance after performance, I cringed and sighed and wished that someone, anybody, would save me from my aural hell. Thankfully, came this South African hobbit chick, Dilana, who saved me from the assault of mediocrity. Her rendition of that Nirvana song left me smiling and wiping a tear because it was so darn good. Then came the other hobbit chick, me forgets the name, but she was as equally good as the South African, though with much better *ahem* merchandise. ALL the men were abysmal save for one who sounded like a slightly less nasally Gavin DeGraw. And even then that wasn't 'real' rock.

And what about Supernova themselves? I don't care about the guitarist even though he was in the monstrous machine that was Guns & Roses while Tommy Lee looks like an old man trying to look young. Jason Newsted who in my opinion, is the most criminally underrated bassist in metal and rock today, is erratic in his comments and is strangely rather restrained here. Dave Navarro is of course, the prettiest man to ever exist. Brooke Burke is as interesting as mint molasses still provides the eye candy.

I for one, really and sincerely hope that this boring and disappointing line-up will surprise me. Because if they don't, I'll be forced to watch GASP! Rock Unite!

Chris is signing off. For now...

PS: I really like that Storm Large (yes, it's her real name). She's pretty and has pipes to go with it though it was one dimensional. Ah ha.

There’s something in them mountains I tell you…

It is 3.45 friggin’ a.m. I should be sleeping. I should be counting sheep. But I can’t. Not now. You see, I’ve just finally watched that darn cowboy movie. You know the one with two of Hollywood’s most promising young actors? It was also directed by that soft spoken Taiwanese who gave us that Chinese movie where the people could fly and young maidens could inflict serious damage to the auspicious jade balls of men. And guess what, it’s about 2 gay men and their forbidden love. No, it’s not Queer Eye for the Straight Cowboy, it is Brokeback Mountain!

And guess what? I kinda like it.

All right, we all know this movie and if you don’t, it’s either you’re ignorant about current cinema or you have taken shelter somewhere on a remote island to get away from the avian flu and petrol raises. So there’s really no need for me to tell you what it is about.

Heath Ledger while adroit at portraying his character’s emotions doesn’t really articulate his words well. It’s bad enough that the words come out from clenched teeth from a mouth that opens at a fraction, he even mumbles them. Jake on the other hand, played the jilted (and apparently, under sexed as well) “woman” quite well. And when he told off his father-in-law, I was rooting for him all the way.

Everybody’s favourite Disney princess, Anne Hathaway, makes an appearance as Jake Glylidunnohowtospellhisnameenhaal’s wife. In her desperate attempt to shake away her bubbly and bumbling image, she does what every actress who wants to be taken as a serious actress, by going topless. Yet again. Her other partial nude act was in Havoc. Albeit briefly, we do get a cameo of Ms. Hathaway’s boobs. While I commend her for taking on more serious roles, I can’t help but feel that she’s trying way too hard. The other actress (I don’t really care for her) was all right la.

So is the fuss about it justified? In a way, yes. 2 cowboys in the early 60’s fall in love while herding sheep in the mountains. You just don’ get it more exciting than that. Really. I won’t say more simply because it’s a movie that has to be watched in order to fully understand its story. Telling you will make it as though it is simply a gay movie, when in truth, it’s more than that. And yes, I got slightly freaked when a particular love scene took place. Let’s just say nothing will be able to top that for a long time.

To all the guys who plan to watch it, do so with a very open mind. Otherwise you’ll turn it off as soon as you see the two protagonists embracing one another.

Chris is signing off, Yeehaw!

PS: “I wish I knew how to quit you.” Dang, what a cool line.